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Lucky Avraham Wasn't Born in America

By Tzvi Fishman
10/14/2007, 12:00 AM

Chances are that if Avraham Avinu had been born in America, he never would have come to live in Eretz Yisrael. Who could have blamed him? What great award-winning movies he would have missed!

"Thou shall not make a molten image!"

Not to mention the world's most beautiful golf courses!

The Good Life!

And all the great Superbowels!

What Yiddishkeit!

And Disneyland!

Michael Mouseman

And the kosher restaurants!

Kosher Delight

And the bagels!

The Real Thing

And the holidays like Xmas!

Jealous of my beard, Tzvi?

And Groundhogs Day!

The Holy Groundhog

And Halloween!

All Saints Day

And the great Jewish statesmen like Henry Kissinger who married a shiksa!

Henry the Jew

And great Jewish writers like Philip Roth, Arthur Miller, and Norman Mailer, who all married a shiksas!

Philip Roth

And great filmmakers like Woody Allen who married a shiksa!

Woody Allen

We can imagine the dialogue that would have taken place between Avraham and Hashem:

"Avraham, lecha lecha, go to the Land that I will show you!"

"Sorry, I'd like to, but I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"Well, for one thing I have to think about my parents. And my father has a big business that I have to look after. And there is a lot of important kiruv work I can do here teaching people about You. And besides, it's dangerous in the Land of Israel, and the place is loaded with idol worshippers. And the Mashiach hasn't come yet, and on and on and on."

Thank G-d that Avraham Avinu wasn't born in America, that's all I can say.