"Next Year in Florida"

Last night, I had a very disturbing dream. I was working on my blog when this news headline popped onto the screen:

JEWISH COALITION BANS HAGGADAHS
Dateline New York

In a rare display of solidarity, the main streams of American Judaism, the Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform movements, have issued a joint announcement banning the printing this year of the last page of the Passover Haggadah, which relates the story of the Exodus from Egypt.  Michael Vienner, spokesman for the Adhoc Coalition of American Jewry, explains that the last page of the Haggadah contains the sentence, “Next year in Jerusalem,” something that Jews have been saying for the last two thousand years, ever since they were exiled from the Land of Israel.

Passover Haggadah

“Why turn the Jewish People into liars?” Vienner asks. “The truth is that the Jews aren’t going on aliyah to Israel in more than a minuscule trickle. There were maybe 1000 this year out of five million. It isn’t even a hundredth of a percentage point. So why say that we are going there? Judaism has always fostered truth, so why make Jewish fathers into liars in the eyes of their children?”

The Nefesh B’Nefesh organization that promotes aliyah to Israel has filed a protest against the ban. “The call to return to Jerusalem has held the Jewish People together throughout our long exile,” their outraged spokesman said. “The wilderness was never meant to be the final stop of the Exodus. We were to receive the Torah at Sinai and journey on to Jerusalem.”

But Michael Vienner disagrees. “Most Jews have the money to move to Israel,” he says. “But with the growing Arab missile threat, moving there at this time is suicide. So we would rather have people say, ‘Next year in New York, or in Los Angeles, or in Florida.’”

The Coalition has recommended Jews not to use Passover Haggadahs that have already been printed with the traditional Jerusalem conclusion, lest someone say the prayer out of habit. “It’s best that the old Haggadahs be stored away with the chametz,” Vienner advices. “Hopefully in the future, the situation in Israel will change and we will be able to restore the text’s original reading.”

Please assure me that I was dreaming.    

Find Some Other Sucker

Imagine if the following had been the talkbacks of some of our heroes of old:

“Abraham, Abraham!”
“Yes, sir.”
“This is Hashem.”
“Yes, sir, I know sir.”
“Don’t call me sir. I am not your army commander.”
“Yes, sir, sorry, sir, I mean, Hashem, sir.”
“Abraham, get thee forth to the Land that I will show you.”
“Where is that exactly, if I may ask?”
“Trust me.”
“I do, sir, but I have to know in advance in order to assess the data and make a cognitive decision.”
“The Land of Israel.”
“I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do that. There are heathens in the land, barbarians, idol worshippers. It’s suicide. Get yourself some other sucker.”
“I will be with you.”
“Sorry, but a person can’t rely on miracles.”
“I am not asking you, Abraham, I am commanding you.”
“I realize that, sir, but you can’t expect a man to act against his own understanding. After all, it was you who gave me a brain to think with, and right now, with the heathens in the land, it is suicide to go there. You clean things up first, get rid of the natives, provide a ready-made infrastructure, apartments, supermarkets, jobs, and then I will think about going. Meanwhile, my family has a thriving business that I have to manage.”

Fortunately for the Jewish People and the world, Abraham didn’t respond in this egotistical manner. He believed in Hashem and he went, without hesitation. If he hadn’t, the world never would have learned that there was only one G-d.

“Moses!”
“Yes, sir!”
“Don’t call me sir. I am not your army commander. I am the G-d of Abraham.”
“Yes, sir, I know, sir.”
“Free the Jews from bondage in Egypt and take them home to Israel.”
“To Israel?”
“That’s right.”
“I can’t do that. There are heathens in the Land. Seven savage nations. Idol worshippers. They sacrifice their children to Molech. And Amalek is waiting along the way. It’s suicide to go there.”
“I will be with you.”
“Sorry, but that’s not enough. If you want, I’ll take the Jews out of Egypt to France, or England, or to America, but if you are dead set on Israel, find yourself another sucker.”
Fortunately, Moses did not respond in this fashion. If he had, the world never would have received the Torah.

“Joshua!”
“Yes, sir”
“Take the Jews to Israel!”
“Where?”
“To the Land of Israel.”
“But there are powerful nations in the land. With fortified cities. And they’re armed to the teeth. It will be suicide. Especially with the army I have – a rabble of former slaves who don’t have an ounce of Jewish pride or valor.”
“I will be with you.”
“It’s not enough. I’ll need at least 200 F-16s, 500 tanks, 100 Apaches, 10,000 M-16s with night scopes, 10,000 Napalm bombs, 20 top commanders, and at least a year of hard training to turn these slaves into soldiers. Without it, find yourself some other sucker.”

Fortunately, Joshua didn’t answer in this rational manner. If he had, the Jews would never had had a national homeland or built the Beit HaMikdash.

Fortunately, our Forefathers believed in G-d. 

To the Boys in the Band

There is an opinion in the Talmud that our Forefathers were born in the month of Nissan, so after the morning mikvah, I drove to Hevron this morning to wish them a happy birthday, to pay my respects before the Pesach holiday, and to gain strength against the evil counsel of the Spies amongst us, as just Joshua and Caleb did in the past.

Hills Where King David Roamed

Hevron

Usually, I ignore Mike, and his anti-Israel band, as Rabbi Baruch Kahane, the son of Rav Meir, advised. Over the past months, we have disproved all of their deranged rantings against the supreme mitzvah of aliyah, but since there are always new readers to this blog, we are forced to repeat certain fundamental matters, lest the newcomers be led astray by their poison.

Maharat HaMachpelah

First, let the following be clear to everyone - it is a mitzvah from the Torah to live in the Land of Israel. Our Sages considered this mitzvah equal in weight to all of the other commandments in the Torah. This mitzvah applies in every generation. All of the Torah authorities, both the Rishonim and Achronim, agree on this matter. This mitzvah is not dependant on the danger involved, nor on the level of religious observance of the government, nor on the moral purity of its political leaders, nor on whether Medinat Yisrael is pleasing in one’s eyes or not. It is  mitzvah to live in Israel, even if the Mashiach hasn’t yet come, even if  Tzvi Fishman’s blogs turn you off, even if you will have to settle for a second rate golf course.

Path of our Forefathers

Let’s take another look at the universally-recognized classic on Jewish faith, “The Kuzari.” The book was written by Rabbi Yehuda HaLevi in the form of a conversation between a Rabbi and the non-Jewish king of Kuzar, a seeker of the true path to G-d. In a long and detailed discourse, the Rabbi explains that the true service of G-d is only in the Land of Israel. Among the very long list of its praises he says:

“The Patriarchs yearned for it and endeavored to live in the country even though it was in the hands of pagans.”

This means that it is a mitzvah to make aliyah whether pagans rule over Israel or corrupt Jewish politicians. This mitzvah applies to all Jews, except for the likes of Mike and the Boys in the Band, who are apparently holier and far more intelligent than our exalted Forefathers, Avraham, Yitzhak, and Yaacov.

Tomb of Avraham

Tomb of Sarah

Like the Matriarchs of Old

The “Kuzari” continues, citing the halachic law:

“Concerning a woman who refuses to move there with her husband, our Sages decreed that she is divorced and that she forfeits her marriage settlement. On the other hand, if the husband refuses to accompany his wife to Israel, he is bound to divorce her and pay her Ketubah. They further say that it is better to dwell in the Holy Land, even in a town mostly inhabited by idol worshippers than in the Diaspora, even in a town mostly inhabited by Jews; for he who dwells in the Holy Land is compared to him who has a G-d, whilst he who dwells outside the Land is compared to him who has no G-d. Thus said David, ‘For they have driven me out this day from living in the place that is the inheritance of the L-rd, saying go and serve other gods,’ which means that he who dwells in the Diaspora is as if he served strange gods.”

Renewed Jewish life in Hevron

When the Rabbi finishes praising the transcendental value of living in the Land of Israel, the king of Kuzar chastises him, saying:

“If this be so, thou fallest short of the duty laid down in thy law, by not endeavoring to reach that place, and making it thy abode in life and death. Is it not the gate of Heaven? All peoples agree on this point. Christians believe that the souls are gathered there and then lifted up to heaven. Islam teaches that it is the place of the ascent. All the Jews turn to it in prayer. Thus thy bowing down and kneeling in its direction is either mere appearance or thoughtless worship. Yet your first Forefathers chose it as their abode, and lived there as strangers, rather than as citizens in their own country. This they did even in a time when the Shechinah was not yet visible, and the country was full of unchastity, impurity, and idolatry. Your Forefathers, however, had no other desire than to remain in it. Neither did they leave it in times of dearth and famine except by G-d’s permission. Finally, they directed their bones to be buried there.”

Tzvi Junior

The Rabbi answers in shame and disgrace:

“This is a severe reproach, O king of the Kuzars. It is the sin which kept the Divine promise with regard to the Second Temple from being fulfilled. Divine Providence was ready to restore everything as it had been at first, if they all had willingly consented to return. But only a part was ready to do so, whilst the majority and the aristocracy amongst them remained in Babylon, preferring dependence and slavery, unwilling to leave their mansions and their affairs. Had we been prepared to meet the G-d of our Forefathers with an honest mind, we would have found the same salvation as our fathers did in Egypt. If we say in our prayers, ‘Worship at His holy hill; worship at His footstool; He who restoreth His glory to Zion,’ and other words of this nature, this is but as the chattering of the starling and the nightingale. We do not realize what we say by this sentence, nor others, as thou rightly observes, O king of the Kuzars” (Kuzari, 2:22-25).

The story concludes as follows, and I quote at length for readers who have not yet studied this monumental treatise of the fundamentals of Jewish faith:

“The Rabbi was then concerned to leave the land of the Kuzars and to betake himself to Jerusalem. The king was loth to let him go, and spoke to him in this sense as follows: ‘What can be sought in the Land of Israel nowadays, since the Shechinah is absent from it, whilst with a pure mind and desire, one can approach G-d in any place. Why wilt thou run into danger on land and on sea, and among the various peoples living there?’”

If this isn’t the babble of the Boys in the Band, what is? It is their exact Talkbacks, brilliantly captured in a book written one thousand years ago by one of the Jewish People’s greatest Sages.

The Rabbi answers: “The Land of Israel is especially distinguished by the L-rd of Israel, and no religious function can be perfect except there. Many of the Jewish laws do not concern those who do not live there; and heart and soul are only perfectly pure and immaculate in the place which is specially selected by G-d. The danger one runs on land and sea does not come under the category of , ‘You shall not tempt the L-rd,’ which refers to risks which one takes when traveling with merchandise in hope of gain. However, he who incurs even greater danger on account of his ardent desire to reach a state of cleanliness in his service of G-d is free from reproach. He braves danger, and if he escapes, he praises G-d gratefully. But should he perish through he sins, he obtains the Divine favor, and he may be confident that he has atoned for most of his sins by his death.”

Beit Hadassah

Noam Arnon tells the story of Hevron

The king tries to dissuade him with the following argument: “I thought thou didst love freedom, but I now see thee finding new religious duties which thou will be obliged to fulfill in the Land of Israel, even though they are in abeyance here.”

O, stick with me, dear readers, and see the Boys in the Band exposed in all of their naked shame.

The Rabbi answers: “I only seek freedom from the service of those numerous people whose favor I do not care for, and shall never obtain, though I work for it all my life. Even if I could obtain it, it would not profit me – I am speaking of the service of men and courting their favor. I would rather seek the service of the One whose favor is obtained with the smallest effort, yet it profits in this world and the next. This is the favor of G-d. His service spells freedom, and humility before Him is true honor.”

In other words, we have to stop trying to be good steppinfetchit Jews in foreign countries, and be true servants of Hashem in His eternally Chosen Land.

Visiting HaRav Moshe Levinger

The Rabbi concludes: “This means that Jerusalem can only be rebuilt when the Jewish People yearn for it to such an extent that they embrace her stones and dust.”

Embracing Her Stones and Her Dust

Finally, the king of the Kuzars concedes: “If this is the case, it would be a sin to hinder thee. It is on the contrary a merit to assist thee. May G-d grant thee His help, and be thy protector and friend. Amen.”   

And now for the blah blah blah of the Boys in the Band.

In Love With The Outhouse

It saddens me when Talkbackers accuse me of lambasting Jews in the Diaspora. The truth is, except for those unfortunates who discourage people from fulfilling the tremendous mitzvah of living in Israel, I have great respect for the Jews in Diaspora. They have far more bravery and endurance than I do. I could never survive in the spiritual and cultural cesspool of exile the way they do, day after day, year after year. Their ability to keep going in the Egypts of today is beyond my comprehension. Once I realized that the Diaspora was for the gentiles and the Land of Israel for the Jews, I had to escape. If I had remained in the quicksand of exile, I would certainly have drowned, but they cling to their Jewish identities with a superhuman strength that I admire.

Diaspora Jew

The problem is that they haven’t yet realized they don’t belong amongst the goyim. That’s why I badger them, to try to help them see the error of their ways. To what is their situation analogous? Let me give an example. As I mentioned, the other night, I went to a wedding. It was held outdoors on the verdant windswept lawns of a religious kibbutz. To everyone’s surprise, the Rabbi who came from Jerusalem said he couldn’t say the wedding blessings because of the smell.

“The smell?” asked the local Rabbi. “What smell?”

“From the cow stalls,” the city Rabbi said, referring to the pungent, choking oder wafting on the wind.

“I don’t smell anything,” the Rabbi of the kibbutz responded, shrugging his shoulders.

The point is that when you live on the farm, you don’t smell the manure of the cows. You get used to it. It’s the smell of the kibbutz, that’s all. You even come to like it.

"I don't smell anything, do you?"

So too regarding the exile. When you live in a sewer, you don’t notice the stink. The stench seems natural. That’s the way it is. You don’t even notice the stink at all. The foreign culture, the foreign language, the foreign customs and values, the unholy air and soil, they all seem natural to you.

Like I have written in the past, if I have to travel to the Diaspora for some pressing reason, I have to wear a space suit and helmet, and bring along my own air supply from Israel. People may think I am crazy, but I can’t survive otherwise. For me, it’s like being on the moon or some other oxygen-free planet. Somehow, the creatures there can live without air, but I can’t.

                         Fishman Visits America (Reuters)

I guess that’s why, when it comes to this blog, a lot of people out there in the outhouse of exile don’t seem to grasp what I am talking about. What stinks to me smells good to them. In fact, they think I am crazy, or simply nasty. “What stink?” they say. “It smells perfectly fine to us.”

Here and there, some lucky ones catch on. Inhaling a whiff of pure holy air over the Clal Yisrael cyberspace waves of Arutz 7, they suddenly realize that life can be different, that it doesn’t have to be goyish, that a Jew can truly live as a Jew in the Jewish homeland, and send his kids to schools where Hebrew is the language, and not English, or Spanish, or French. That in itself makes all the difference in the world. As the Psalmist sang, “When the L-rd returned he exiles to Zion, we were like those who dreamed,” meaning that the whole exile nightmare dissolved like a dream when we saw our children growing up in the Jewish homeland speaking Hebrew, instead of being schizophrenic, half breeds in a foreign land, always trying to be like the goyim.

If it’s too hard to scrape the @@@@ off your shoes, then throw them away and get a new pair. Life doesn’t have to stink. Come up to the real taste and flavor of being a Jew. Come to Israel.        

Draft Dodgers

If you haven't yet bought this inspiring book, what are you waiting for?