Judaism Without Those Nasty Bones

I hope this blog doesn’t offend anyone. I truly love my brothers and sisters in the Diaspora. Caring for their wellbeing, the way I would if I saw someone about to fall off a cliff, I try to point out that G-d wants the Jewish People to live in Eretz Yisrael, and not in Brooklyn or Japan.

"Watch out!"

This is obvious to anyone who reads the Torah, since it is repeated over and over again, more than any other commandment. This week’s Torah portion about the Spies, who rebelled against G-d by refusing to make aliyah to Israel, is completely dedicated to this understanding. No person can read the account of the Spies and not understand that G-d wants the Jewish People to live in the Land of Israel. Nothing could be simpler or more straightforward.

INN readers who get angry at me, and my fellow bloggers, for repeating this clear and straightforward eternal truth, know in their hearts that we are right. This knowledge is an innate part of every Jew. Every Jew knows that Eretz Yisrael is the Jewish homeland, and not America or France. If this is the case, why do they attack us so hysterically whenever we write about the commandment of living in Israel? The answer is that, though they know the truth in their inner hearts, they don’t want to face up to it and have to deal with all of the difficult challenges which moving to Israel implies. Uprooting one’s life and beginning anew in another country is a heavy burden and not everyone has the courage, strength, faith, wherewithal, opportunity, and good fortune to do so.  Being confronted with the mitzvah of living in Israel, the Diaspora Jew’s conscience is threatened, and to quiet his guilty feeling, he is liable to strike out in hysterical, venomous attacks against the proponents of aliyah, and against all of the things he finds wrong in the State of Israel. It’s a form of self defense. Deep inside, the Diaspora Jew knows that he or she is living a falsehood, and when they are confronted with the truth by Jews who are fortunate to be living their lives in the Land of Israel, in accordance with the truth of the Torah, they feel that they have to protect themselves, so that the house of playing cards which they have built for themselves won’t come tumbling down.

House of Cards

I am not criticizing them. As I wrote a few blogs back, they are not to blame. No one ever taught them the truth. True, any grade-school child who reads the Bible will tell you that G-d wants the Jews to live in the Land of Israel, but to protect their glass communities, many parents and Jewish educators pretend that what the Torah says about aliyah applied only back then, not today - even though they will admit that the other commandments like Tefillin and Shabbat and keeping Kosher certainly apply today as well.

Coming on aliyah puts the bones back into Judaism.

It’s a little like gefilta fish. Everyone knows that Diaspora Jews loves gefilta fish. What makes gefilta fish so popular? It isn’t only the taste. Gefilta fish is boneless. The backbones of the fish have been removed and the meat of the fish is grinded up so that no bones whatsoever remain. This makes eating fish on Shabbat a lot easier, since there is a complicated law which prohibits the removal of bones from fish on Shabbat. Since there is a custom to eat fish on Shabbat, gefilta fish makes life a lot easier.

In the same light, living in the Diaspora makes Judaism a lot easier. You don’t have to deal with all of the problematic “bones” that living in Israel involves, like making the desert bloom, producing your own agriculture, learning how to shoot a rifle, serving in the army, establishing viable political and courts systems, taking care of garbage pick-up, and the like. When you live as a minority in someone else land, the gentiles take care of the government and agriculture and defense and garbage pick-up. This is the boneless brand of Judaism that the generation of the Spies wanted to live in the wilderness where all of their needs were met by the manna, miraculous well, and invincible Clouds of Glory. They didn’t want all the hassle of plowing, and sifting wheat, and building houses, and serving in the army, and paving highways, and the complications of running a government that living in their own Land would require.

However, this was exactly what G-d wanted – that the Jewish People show the world that it is possible to sanctify all of earthly existence in the service of G-d, not just in the yeshiva study hall and home, but in the army and government and life of the farmer, postman, and garbage man as well.

So come join us! Yes, in many ways, living is Israel is more difficult. Here, we have to do the work ourselves in getting rid of the bones. But this is precisely what G-d wants. Be honest with yourselves, and with your children. Why settle for a boneless Judaism in Brooklyn when you can be a Jew with a backbone in your own Land!      

Plague of Jellyfish to Hit Israel’s Beaches

If my paintball warnings don’t keep immodestly dressed women at home, then at least the Tzunami of jellyfish heading our way will keep them from strutting half-naked along the beaches of the Holy Land. 

Hi, Girls!

Yesterday INN reported the following News Brief:

(IsraelNN.com) A global increase in jellyfish populations is expected to hit Israel, scientists warned this week. Large numbers of jellyfish have been spotted in the Mediterranean Sea, on their way to Israel's coasts.

The jellyfish are expected to hit Israeli beaches in the near future. Those seen on their way to Israel are not usually dangerous, but they can leave swimmers with painful stings.

[End of News Brief]

Without question, G-d is sending the swarms of jelly fish our way to keep all of those itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikinis in the closet at home where they belong.

Modesty is the hallmark of a Jewish woman. A Jewish woman is not supposed to go strutting around with everything showing, not in her home, not out on the street, and not at the beach. Just because there is sand and surf and sun at the beach doesn’t provide a heter (allowance) for Jewish women to strip off their clothes. Even if it’s a hot summer day, immodest bathing suits are strictly against halacha. Even on a beachfront restricted to Women Only, a Jewish woman is not supposed to parade around outside under the Heavens with all of her flesh spilling out. The beaches of Israel may be great places to cool off, but they are still a part of the Holy Land.

Dream Beach - 5am is the best

And as far as guys are concerned, someone who cares about his soul is wise to avoid busy beaches. Don’t feed me a line about separate beaches for men and women. Unless the beachfront is absolutely hermetically sealed, far removed from regular bathers, a beach just for men doesn’t exist.

For example, the other day, I took my boys to the “Men’s Only” beach in Ashkelon. Yes, there were barriers along the beach blocking off the area from co-ed bathers, but the barriers ended well before the water. And of course, just for spite, there were scantily clad women who had nowhere else to frolic than on the beachfront directly in front of all of the religious kids and fat bearded men like me. It’s a free world, right?

One after another, as if at orchestrated intervals, they paraded along the shore like models walking down the runway of some sleazy Paris fashion show.

“Nachash Tzefah!  Nachash Tzefah!” I screamed out, gathering my little ones and herding them back to our car.

As we have written on several occasions, when a man gazes at an immodestly dressed woman, whether at the beach or while surfing on the Internet, the Divine Presence flees from him and he is enveloped in a terrible impurity.

Warning! Internet Surfing can be Dangerous!

The Sages of the Kabbalah inform us that at the same moment that a girl watcher is enjoying an immodest sight, his soul is attacked by the impure spiritual forces the image creates. His soul, they warn, is mercilessly beaten with vicious blows, more painful than the sting of a thousand jellyfish, causing it to scream out with such horror that the man would pass out from fright if he could hear it.

So my fellow Bearers of the Brit, please think twice before taking an outing to a crowded beach, even if it supposedly “Men Only.”

And to my dear Jewish sisters, why put a stumbling block in front of the blind? Why cause your brothers to sin? And why bring needless punishment on yourselves and your families by violating the tenets of modesty that the Jewish Nation is founded upon? Remember, our beaches, are not international waters,but a part of the Holy Land too. How you behave on the shores of Tel Aviv affects not only the men on the beach, but the future wellbeing of Judea and Samaria settlements as well.  

If you don’t believe me, then go ahead to the beach. Maybe the jellyfish will convince you.

We are waiting for you, girls!

Why Diaspora Jews Differ From The Spies

The sin of the Spies in the wilderness is arguably the greatest transgression in Jewish history. It resulted in the destruction of the entire generation that left Egypt. Because of the refusal of the Spies to journey on to live in the Land of Israel, the Jews had to wander for forty years in the wilderness until a braver and more G-d-fearing generation arose. Additionally, 0ur Sages tell us that the sin of the Spies paved the way to the destruction of the First and Second Temples. After touring the Land of Israel, the Spies returned with their evil report on the Ninth of Av, the same day that the Temples were later destroyed. Because they rejected the Promised Land, we were later expelled from its borders.

However, there is a very big difference between the Spies in the wilderness who refused to make aliyah, and Diaspora Jews of today who also don’t come on aliyah.   

The Spies in the wilderness, and their entire generation, KNEW they were supposed to journey on to Israel. Moshe told them over and over again. G-d commanded them again and again. They knew they were leaving Egypt to return to the Promised Land. They knew it because it was their heritage. Their fathers told them, their mothers told them, their grandparents told them. All the time that they were slaves in Egypt, they waited for the moment when a redeemer who come to take them out of Egyptian bondage and return them to Eretz Yisrael, to the Land of their Forefathers, Avraham, Yitzhak, and Yaacov.  

Furthermore, the Spies knew that their mission was to spy out the Land so that their reconnaissance information could help in its conquering. But instead of going up to Israel and settling the Land, as G-d had commanded them, they wanted to stay in the wilderness where the Cloud of Glory protected them with arrow-proof walls and year-round air conditioning and comfort.

Diaspora Towers

There, in the hermetically-sealed dome of the Cloud, they could study Torah while their physical needs were miraculously provided by the Manna from Heaven and the pool of Miriam that followed them wherever they went. That was their surface excuse. The book “Mesillat Yesharim” explains the underlying reason, stating that the Spies, who were the leaders of the community, feared to journey on to Israel lest they suffer a lessening of their prestige and honor, since a new type of leader would be needed upon entry into the Land, in order to actively confront the many physical and spiritual challenges they faced (“Mesillat Yesharim,” Ch. 19, On Saintliness.) In rebelling against G-d by not making aliyah to Israel, they brought about the death of their generation and caused great future tragedy as well.

In contrast, the Jews of the Diaspora today are very different.

The main difference is that, by and large, they simply don’t know that they should come on aliyah. No one teaches them. Not their rabbis, not their high-school yeshiva teachers, not their shul presidents, not their parents, no one. So they simply don’t know that the true goal of Judaism is to establish the Kingdom of G-d in the world via the Jewish People leaving a Torah life in Israel, as it says, “For from ZION shall go forth the Torah, and the word of the L-rd from JERUSALEM.”

Even in the books they read about Judaism, Eretz Yisrael has been deleted. Take a look at a few indexes of the most popular books in English on Jewish Philosophy. You won’t find a word about Eretz Yisrael.

True, a Jewish Internet surfer might be carried by a wave one day to Arutz 7, where he will be confronted with the importance of aliyah, but not having heard about this great foundation of Judaism commandment from his teachers and parents, he or she won’t take it to heart.

For this reason, the Jews of the Diaspora are like “children who were kidnapped and raised amongst the gentiles.” This category includes Jews who were never taught about Judaism. Not having been exposed to the tenets of the religion, unfortunate Jews like these can’t be expected to keep the Torah’s laws, because they have never heard of them. The secular Zionists pioneers and kibbutzniks fall into this category, as do the secular Russian Jews in Israel today, even though they have heard of the Torah, they never had anyone to teach them, so it is something foreign to them, like Chinese. 

Diaspora Jews are not to blame

A metaphor for this is the story of Tarzan, who was lost at sea as a child and raised in the jungle by the apes. When he grew up, he thought he was a monkey too. There was no one around to tell him that he was a man. So he identified with the apes. Just as they felt perfectly at home, living in the jungle and swinging from tree to tree, he felt perfectly at home too. Not having been raised in civilized surroundings, he didn’t know the difference.

Like kidnapped children

But, of course, a human isn’t an ape, even if he grows up in the jungle. And a Jew isn’t a gentile, even if he grows up in a gentile land. A Jew isn’t an American, or a Frenchmen, or a South African, even if he grows up there. A Jew has a homeland of his own, with his own code of life, the Torah, which is meant to be lived in Israel.

The Jews of the Diaspora don’t know this, because no one ever taught them. They are not to blame, no more than Tarzan was to blame for believing that he was a monkey. It’s as simple as that.