Women

Some people mistakenly think that only men have to guard the commandment, “Thou shall not stray after your heart and your eyes.” This is a misconception. The obligation to sanctify one’s life, and come ever closer to G-d, applies equally to Jewish women and men.

With these words, Rabbi Shmuel Eliahu, Chief Rabbi of the holy city of Tzfat, continued his class on the challenges of summer vacation. What follows is a paraphrase of his reminders for women to follow:

Novels about illicit romances at a big no-no!

NOVELS AND FILMS

A Jewish woman, who is enjoined to be a holy member of the holy Jewish Nation, cannot read books or newspapers that portray the immoral sides of life in a favorable light. A woman has a heart just as a man does. She too has to guard the purity of her heart, which is the organ that directs her life endeavors. The commandment not to stray after the heart and the eyes applies to her as well. Thus a woman has to guard herself from watching movies that portray evil as good, and immoral relationships as acceptable standards of behavior.  For when a woman watches movies like these, or reads unwholesome novels, her physical health may appear to be unaffected, but her heart undergoes serious moral and spiritual damage. Her heart is no longer connected to G-d.

"You shall not stray after your heart and your eyes."

Thus it is forbidden for women to watch immodest movies, just as it is for men. By watching these movies, a woman will sink into a certain spiritual pollution that she may not recognize, but which will lead her further and further from G-d, until she engages in forbidden actions as well.

G-d is at the beach as well.

AT THE BEACH

Concerning outings to the beach, there are those who ask if a woman can frequent a beach where there is a male lifeguard. Since he is considered preoccupied with safeguarding the security of the bathers in the water, he is not there to gaze at the women. Thus a woman can go to a beach where there is a male lifeguard on duty. Of course, there is always room to act as modestly as one can, by wearing a lightweight robe and a head covering, but this is not an obligation. All the same, a woman should observe a few general rules. She should not wear an immodest bathing suit (and also waste considerable money on a few strips of cloth, padding the bank account of immoral merchants). Furthermore, a woman should not wear an immodest bathing suit, even when only women are present. Also, a woman should not sit or sunbathe on the beach directly in front of the lifeguard, or in his line of sight.

LEARNING TO SWIM

This permission does not extend to taking a swimming class with a male instructor. Since close proximity, and even touching, is involved, swimming instruction should be sought from a woman.  

LEARNING TO DRIVE

The halachah differs concerning a driving instructor. In this case, although they are in close proximity, there is absolutely no need for the instructor to touch the student driver. While it is preferable to learn how to drive from a qualified woman instructor, there are many excellent male driving teachers with a reputation for behaving in the proper, modest fashion, who don’t talk about unnecessary matters, and who don’t touch their students, nor venture beyond the outskirts of the center of the city.

AT THE BEAUTY PARLOR

When it comes to a hair stylist, a woman must go to a woman and not to a man.

SHAKING HANDS WITH MEN

Another thing that needs reminding – except in the case of a physician during medical examination and treatment, it is forbidden for a man to touch a woman who is not his wife. It makes no difference if she is single or married, in her menstrual state or not. According to the Rambam, this is a prohibition from the Torah.  Therefore, in a situation of shaking hands, when a woman extends her hand to a man, or when a man extends his hand to a women, the other should refrain.  One should not worry that the other will feel affronted by not shaking hands, since today everyone knows (in Israel), both the religious or secular public, that a religious person is prevented from shaking hands with the opposite sex because of our beliefs, and there is no affront in this. The contrary is true – people who extend his or her hand to a religious man or woman, it is they who are causing the affront by not respecting the values and feelings of the other.

"Nice to meet you!"

Needless to say, all kinds of pats, hugs, and kisses between men and woman are forbidden, even if this is the custom between members of a family. All of these so-called gestures of politeness are the customs of the gentiles. If this type of behavior is found in any Jewish congregation, it should be stopped, since no blessing results from this at all.

Families need to be reminded of this. A father can embrace and kiss his daughter, and a mother can embrace and kiss her son. Sisters and brothers can shake hands, but kissing and embracing is a foul and foolish practice. Any other type of contact between family members, aunts, uncles, cousins, half or adopted siblings, is prohibited (Shulchan Aruch, Aven HaEzer, 21:7).

MODESTY IS THE KEY TO MARRIAGE

The more a person adheres to the laws of modesty the better chance he or she has of marrying early and leading a happy family life. Modesty is beneficial in this world and in the world to come. Wherever modesty is lacking people get married late, or never at all, and divorce is rampant.

May it be G-d’s will, that in the merit of educating our children in the ways of holiness and modesty, they will have the blessing of establishing wholesome, healthy, and happy homes, filled with faith and the reverence of G-d.           

Are Modern Orthodox Jews Really Orthodox?

Of course they are. But like with everything in life, there can always be improvement, as the verse says, “There is not a righteous person on earth who does good and never sins.”

One of the areas in need of improvement is summer vacation. Rabbi Shmuel Eliahu, Chief Rabbi of Tzfat, spoke about this in the weekly Torah class that he has been conducting since his father, former Israel Chief Rabbi, Rav Mordechai Eliahu, fell ill last year – may he have a complete and speedy recovery. What follows is a summary of his warnings, teachings, and advice.

One of the mitzvahs that parents have is to educate their children and keep them from away from harmful influences. During the year, parents, to a very large measure, entrust this mitzvah to their children’s teachers and schools. But come summer vacation, the mitzvah falls back upon the parents in all of its force.

Do you know what your children are watching?

One of the ways a parent must guard his child from negative influences is by keeping him or her away from the television. Leaving the kids in front of the TV screen for hours on end is a sure-fire way to fry their brains and their morals, since television shows are permeated with, and glorify, all kinds of immorality, violence, and perverted, non-Jewish values. It is forbidden for a parent to leave a child in front of the television, and think that the resulting damage is not their responsibility.

Regarding the Internet, the fact is that pornography receives more clicks than all other sites, and Jewish children (and their parents) are not immune from the temptations. Therefore, installing a filter is an obligation upon parents so that the junior surfers at home can’t get into forbidden sites. While Rabbi Eliahu recommends the filter, Internet Rimon, for people in Israel, there are many effective filters which can be downloaded, often free of charge, by doing a simple search for anti-pornography filters. And a good way of repenting for having entered immodest sites in the past is to warn friends of the danger and advice them to download filters too.

A parent must remember that someone who looks at erotic material on the Internet is violating the Torah commandment, “Thou shall not stray after your hearts and your eyes which lead you astray.” A person may be Orthodox, yet his heart and eyes may be totally polluted by making light of this commandment.

Judaism-Lite

This is called “Dati-Lite.” A person can be is dati (Orthodox) in most aspects of his life, but when it comes to having a TV at home, or unlimited Internet access, or going to mixed swimming pools and beaches, he pretends that the Torah doesn’t forbid these spiritually polluted activities.

The Rambam lists this transgression as one of the twenty-four things that stand in the way of repentance: “Someone who looks at sexually immoral images and tells himself that he isn’t doing anything wrong, saying, ‘Did I actually fornicate or caress her?’ He acts as if gazing at forbidden things is not a serious sin. Yet this brings a person to actually committing sexual wrongdoing.”

Someone might protest, “Who can live like this? This means that you can’t even walk down a street where you might encounter women in immodest attire!” This is not so. If a man has no other way to get to his destination than to pass though an area where he knows women are to be found immodestly dressed, it is considered that he is acting under compulsion, having no other choice. If he averts his eyes and goes on his way, he is not considered a transgressor. But if there is another way to reach his destination, yet he choices to proceed via the route where immodesty is sure to be found, even if he averts his gaze from looking at the immodest women, he is considered a wicked person (Talmud, Baba Batra, 57B).

It is obvious from this ruling that going to mixed beaches and swimming pools is forbidden. This applies to watching TV, surfing the Internet, or reading magazines where immodest imagery is prevalent. For no one is forcing him to watch TV, or click onto the web, or read the magazine or newspaper. Not going to mixed beaches and swimming pools is not just some super “Haredi” ultra-Orthodox over-precaution, but a clear ruling of the Talmud. On this, our Sages have stated, “Someone who gazes at a woman with the intention of deriving pleasure from the sight has no portion in the world to come.” But if he is on his way home, with no other route to take, and he sees a woman in immodest attire and turns his gaze away, he is not to be faulted for this.

A G-d fearing person must also avoid attending concerts and other types of musical performances where there is mixed seating.  While music has the ability to raise the soul to the heights of spiritual inspiration and religious devotion, it can also lower a person the depths of immoral passions and unrestrained behavior.  The main thing is the intention behind the song and the intention of the musicians. Thus a parent must examine the nature of any upcoming concert before he lets his child attend what can turn out to be a sordid excuse for an orgy of unbridled emotions.

Concerning summer camps where boys and girls have separate activities, but are housed in close proximity, this is certainly not conducive to holiness and should be avoided. But if the choice is between sending a child to such a camp, or to leave him free to go to mixed beaches, the option of unsupervised days at the beach is far worse.

It may be luxurious, but is it Jewish?

From the outset, everything should be judged in the light of holiness. This applies to choosing a resort for a vacation holiday as well. Is the dining room really kosher? Can a gueat really keep the laws of Shabbat? Does the swimming pool have separate hours for men and women? Are dress codes up to the standards of modesty, or relaxed because of the summer heat? Will his room overlook the swimming pool? For even if he doesn’t look at the women there, he is putting himself in a forbidden situation to begin with, as noted above.

So before you make your vacation plans, do a little research before you make reservations. Remember, you can take a vacation from work or from school, but you can’t take a vacation from the commandments of the Torah.     

On With the Gay Parade!!

I mean if you are going to let women parade half naked around the streets of Jerusalem, then you have to let the gays parade around too. What’s the difference? It’s a democratic country, isn’t it? If you support women’s rights, then you have to support gay rights as well.

On with the Parade!

If you want to protest against the gay parade on the basis of Torah, then you have to protest against the parade of immodestly dressed women as well. Both are forbidden by the Torah. What’s the difference?

Candy shop window

In fact, the daily parade of under-dressed women may be even worse. The Torah forbids homosexuality, but it does not forbid homosexuals to walk down the street. In contrast, a Jewish woman is not allowed to parade the streets with her poopik showing like some belly dancer from Beruit; or with her chest on display like the cheap wares in a discount store window; or with her behind bursting out of her bottoms; or with her bare legs stretching along across the street from Acco to Beer Sheva; or with her naked back and shoulders reflecting the glare of the sun like the solar panels on Jerusalem rooftops.

Blinded by the light...of G-d and truth and right

So if you are one of those who staunchly maintain that women should be left alone to parade around half naked on the streets of the Holy City, then you should defend the rights of gay people as well to conduct their parade.

Be fair. Be liberal. As the songs says, “Live and let live. Your business is your business, and my business is mine.”