As summarized by Channie Koplowitz Stein.
The Torah is usually very terse in its language; so much so that every letter has the potential to teach us many things. Yet, the Torah devotes a full 63 verses to discussing the account of Eliezer searching for and finding the
The Torah devotes a full 63 verses to discussing the account of Eliezer searching for and finding the appropriate wife.
appropriate wife for Yitzchak, his master's son. Certainly, then, there must be profound wisdom and lessons in this narrative.
First, Eliezer is center stage in this entire event. Therefore, Eliezer's behavior throughout this affair must provide us with some major life lessons. Although Eliezer is so central to the proper implementation of any plan in this area, and although his planning, foresight and effort were integral to its successful conclusion, his name appears nowhere in the narrative. Instead, whether he himself is speaking or the Torah is attesting to his identity, he is always referred to as "Avraham's servant".
Besides his total dedication to his mission, we learn of Eliezer's humility and how he is able to efface his own identity to place his trust completely in Hakodosh Boruch Hu. He could have referred to himself as an important emissary on a mission; after all, he had ten fully laden camels with an entourage to tend to them, yet he wants no honor for himself. In fact, it is precisely this humility, this understanding that he is powerless and any salvation comes from HaShem, that brings him to such complete faith. Even with the appearance of such wealth, he can still embrace Avraham as his master. With this humble attitude he can certainly embrace HaShem as his Master, and approach Him and ask for His assistance. He can even provide HaShem with the parameters of his search and, in full faith, expect HaShem to do this chesed for his servant Eliezer, this loving-kindness for him as he is doing it for his own master, Avraham.
Now let us examine the specific criteria Eliezer proposes as a test for the right girl. At the well, when he will ask her for a drink of water, he proposes, the young lady will not only give him water, but also offer to water his camels. This was not just a test of chesed, but also a test of humility. After all, the girl could easily say that this work, tending to animals, was beneath her dignity, especially given that Eliezer himself was traveling with servants under his control. But Avraham himself was the model for the proper frame of mind and proper behavior. He too had a complete household of servants, yet he himself ran to prepare food for his guests, the three men-angels, and he personally stood over them as their waiter. If a woman was to become Yitzchak's wife and enter the household of Avraham Avinu, she must exhibit these same characteristics. Not only must she be willing to do such work and care so much for others that she will consider everyone her equal and never feel superior to them, but, more telling, she must embrace such opportunities with joy.
Nevertheless, Rivkah does draw demarcations in her speech. While all human beings are equal in her eyes, there is a definite difference between man and beast. Eliezer may lump people and camels in one sentence, but Rivkah doesn't start talking about the camels until her dealings with the humans is complete.
We may be tempted to say that Rivkah's work at this juncture was not that difficult. After all, according to the midrash, the waters rose to meet her and enter her pitcher. This was one of the signs that Eliezer noticed that made Rivkah special, a specialness that even the water recognized. But if we look more closely at the text, we will see that the waters rose to her only the first time, before Eliezer approached her. When she was watering the camels, all the work was her own. It takes a lot of water to quench the thirst of a camel and Rivkah was providing water for ten camels. The work may have started easily, but became very difficult. Rivkah did not give up in her desire to do this chesed and these mitzvot. In the same way, we must appreciate that challenges to doing mitzvot, and especially completing them, should make us ever more determined to finish the task.
Even the recounting of the gifts Eliezer gives Rivkah provide insight into her character, in contrast to the character of her family, specifically her brother Lavan. Eliezer gave her a nose ring weighing half a shekel and a pair of gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. She recognized that there was spiritually symbolic value to these gifts, coming as they were from Avraham, even if she may not have known the specific symbolism of the gifts. She kept the
What lessons can we learn today as this young generation searches for its life-partners?bracelets on her arm, never removing them to show them off to her family, as she retold in detail all that Eliezer had said and done. Lavan, on the other hand, saw the bracelets merely as a sign of the great wealth of their guest (a yud is missing in what he saw) and immediately ran out to Eliezer, hoping for more prizes. Rivkah could see spirituality even in the mundane; and so continued to exhibit her appropriateness as the choice of a wife for Yitzchak.
What lessons can we learn today as this young generation searches for its life-partners? First and foremost, you must not be searching for perfection. Rather, you must search for the appropriate partner that will match and complement who you are. The first step, then, is thorough self-analysis. Knowing your strengths and willingly acknowledging your weaknesses is absolutely essential for finding the appropriate zivug, life partner-match. Your criteria in searching for the right match must be based on this honest self-evaluation and not on an idealized version of whom you would want.
Then, narrow your list of criteria to no more than three requirements that will most successfully complete who you are and facilitate the spiritual work each of you must do. Take your cue from Eliezer, who looked for only one thing, a love of chesed, which would ultimately lead to a life based on complete faith in Hakodosh Boruch Hu.
May we be zocheh ("merit") to have all our singles find their appropriate matches soon, and may we build up our nation of Yisroel through all the botim ne'emanim b'Yisroel, "the faithful families and homes in Israel".