The Ninth Plague as Peace Policy

Brilliant in its simplicity.

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Prof. Steven Plaut,

Prof. S. Plaut
Prof. S. Plaut
INN:S.P.

Well, there is news that a new mass appeasement and capitulation to get kidnapped soldier Gilad Shalit released may be near. Hundreds of murdering terrorhoids will be put back on the streets, where no doubt they will all become Quakers and take up quilting. The problem of course is that the Jews who will be murdered by this act of folly by the Israeli government do not know they will be paying the price, and so they are not protesting against the proposed appeasement.

But before it is imposed on the country, I have sent out this new...
Gazans should sit in the dark until our bloke is set free.

Open Letter to the Next Prime Minister of Israel

To: The Next Prime Minister of Israel
From: Steven Plaut

Re: How to Get Gilad Shalit

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have been doing some research into ways in which Gilad Shalit might be released without the necessity of releasing hundreds of genocidal terrorists. Those released will immediately return to their murderous activities, after which scores, if not hundreds, of Jews will be murdered as a direct result of their release.

I have found a solution. It is called the Ninth Plague Solution. I actually am not the originator of the proposal. It comes from a fellow by the name of Moses son of Amram.

To remind you of his program for getting hostages released from bondage, the ninth plague against Egypt and Pharaoh consisted of condemning the barbarians to sit in absolute darkness until the time that Pharaoh agreed to let our blokes go free.

Brilliant in its simplicity.

I think that is what should be done. Gaza should be cut off from all electric power and the Gazans should sit in the dark until our bloke is set free.

No murderers or terrorists at all should be released to buy his freedom. You should negotiate in the style and with the words of Al Pacino in Godfather II: 'We offer you nothing, absolutely nothing.'

When the world whines about our cutting off the Gazan power, we can just say we are following Biblical advice, and demonstrating mature environmentalist responsibility and global concern. We are so concerned about global warming and the environment that we insist that no power at all produced with fossil fuels be consumed in Gaza. The Gazans should provide themselves with all their energy needs using wind and solar, just like the bleeding hearts and do-gooders on campuses around the planet keep demanding. This, of course, will make Gaza a more environmentally sustainable society.

Let the Gazans comply with the Kyoto Protocol. They can try to power their Kassam and GRAD rockets with windmills and solar cells.

In fact, I think there are other practical, applied negotiating lessons that we can pick up from Moses. When Moses was negotiating with Pharaoh, every time the latter said "no," Moses just raised his demands. When Pharoah
They can try to power their Kassam and GRAD rockets with windmills and solar cells.
refused to let the menfolk go, Moses demanded the whole population. When Pharoah said "no," Moses added all the farm animals. When Pharoah said "no," Moses demanded that Pharaoh himself provide the Israelites with Egyptian farm stock and animals to take with them. When Pharaoh said "no" again, Moses arranged for the Israelites to take all the Egyptian gold and silver. And after that, we know how it all ended.

Now the Hamas has been increasing its demands from Israel even every time Israel capitulates and says "yes." So let's give Moses' technique a try.

If that does not work, I do have one other idea, although I must admit that I got this one from Noah and not from Moses. Israel starts pumping sea water into the Gaza Strip and continues until there are puddles three meters deep in Gaza City, Rafiah, Beit Hanoun and Khan Yunis.

Then when the Solidarity-with-the-Hamas people start whining and complaining, Israeli officials will just shrug their shoulders and say, "Global warming."

But first and foremost, let us recreate the ninth plague. Let's do it yesterday.

Peacefully yours,

Steven Plaut