Abbas, The Good Terrorist Made in Hollywood

We've sent him?our boy Abbas?to the makeup department, gave him a shave, a haircut, a smile and a shine. We've sent him to Costume, gave him a suit and a tie. We've coached him in Acting 101.

Jack Engelhard,

Jack Engelhard
Jack Engelhard
צילום: מתוך האתר האישי
You won't find Mahmoud Abbas toting a gun and prancing about unshaven. He's our hero and heroes must be made presentable.

We know he's a murderer and a thug, but we need a good guy for this performance, the Road Map gig, and since no one else has come along, he'll do. Gentlemen, he's all we've got. We know that deep inside he's Arafat all over again, but these days, it's all about the package.

Clint, of course, would have been our first choice, and some wise guy in the meeting mentioned Mel. Come on, this is serious.

We've sent him?our boy Abbas?to the makeup department, gave him a shave, a haircut, a smile and a shine. We've sent him to Costume, gave him a suit and a tie. We've coached him in Acting 101. He's picked up that warm, cuddly, neighborly Chamber of Commerce handshake.

Perfect. He's always ready for his close-up.

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We gave him all the right lines?like "peace" and all that?and it's been working, only we wish he'd shut up once in a while. Please, stick to the script.

Just the other day, addressing the dispute between Fatah and Hamas, this is what he said:

"We should put our internal fighting aside and raise our rifles only against the Israeli occupation."

Will somebody tell this guy we've got writers! He can't just mouth off like that. Fortunately we've got the mainstream news media boys on our side so the worst part of what he said never got out, about shooting Israelis. They never quote him when he talks about killing Jews, and that's simply our good luck.

The deal is this: We're giving him all that money?another $100 million in tax revenues?on the pretense of fighting Hamas.

Why single out Hamas when we know that Hamas and Fatah (that's Abbas's baby) are absolutely the same? Because somebody has to play the good guy against the bad guy. That's how it works, otherwise we've got no plot. We can't have two bad guys. That spoils the story and is simply bad writing and bad marketing.

We've ordered the Israelis to give Abbas even more money and even more guns and what's this? They're resisting?

That's good. That thickens the plot. The Israelis always resist. This makes good headlines, like, "Israel Defies America."

Then, of course, the Israelis cave in. They always do. We say jump. They say how high. We say Road Map, they say Road Map. We say Abbas is your "partner in peace," they say Amen. They stick to the script, these Israelis. They're easy. The Israelis themselves know that all that money and all those guns will be turned against their own people. You heard him. Abbas said so himself!

But they stay on page. Who trained these Israelis so well?

Why do we keep pressing the Israelis to make concessions? Here it is: We do it to please all the other nations. That's our audience.

Why do we keep feeding Fatah all that money? This came up at the meeting after someone suggested that all it does is subsidize terror.

Guys, we don't need that kind of talk. But okay, let's put it like this; there are bad terrorists and there are good terrorists.

Mahmoud Abbas is a good terrorist.

Or let's put it like this: Mahmoud Abbas is our terrorist.



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