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      Op-Ed: The Disproportionate People

      Published: Monday, August 14, 2006 11:39 PM
      Jews have been disproportionately overrepresented in practically every human endeavor, from the list of Nobel laureates, to the gas chambers of Auschwitz. Our contribution to the well-being of this planet has been grotesquely disproportionate; and even more disproportionate has been the hatred the planet pays us back with.


      During the first stage of Israel's war against Hizbullah, when everybody agreed that the Israeli response to the new, deadly round of unprovoked Arab aggression was "disproportionate", I suddenly realized that Jews, in every respect, are an extremely disproportionate nation. Although only one in 400 people on earth is Jewish, we exert so much influence on everything that's happening on this planet that most people sincerely believe we control the world through some imaginary, evil Zionist conspiracy.

      Jews have been disproportionately overrepresented in practically every human endeavor, from the list of Nobel laureates, to the gas chambers of Auschwitz. Our contribution to the well-being of this planet has been grotesquely disproportionate; and even more disproportionate has been the hatred the planet pays us back with.

      In recent days, months and weeks, there have been a slew of cases when Jews were accused of murdering Arabs who were, in fact, murdered by other Arabs. For example, does anyone still remember the Arab family that was killed in an explosion on a beach somewhere in Gaza? It happened just before the last round of war began in earnest. During the few days it took to prove beyond any doubt that the explosion was not caused by an Israeli artillery shell, mankind was enthusiastically mourning yet another batch of innocent civilian victims at the hands of those bloodthirsty Jews. As soon as it became clear that the explosion was caused by a mine left on a public beach by Arabs and, therefore, Israel was innocent of that particular murder, the planet promptly forgot both the incident and the victims.

      Since that episode was anything but unique, it must be clear why Jews, rather than anyone else, killed Jesus. Even today, if someone managed to prove that Jesus was killed by Arabs (or North Koreans, or Cubans, or the KGB, or the Khmer Rouge, or the Hutu, or anybody at all except Jews - like, for example, the Romans), Christianity would end. Within a week, nobody would remember who Jesus was, no matter how many tables he had overturned at the Temple. Anybody can kill, but those (allegedly! allegedly!) killed by Jews automatically become martyrs, saints and, in some rare cases, especially when the victim happens to be Jewish (you didn't think Jesus was an Episcopalian or a Russian Orthodox, did you?), other people's gods.

      That's disproportionate.

      But let's theorize a little. Let us imagine that, instead of trying to please anti-Semites, Jews decided to react proportionately to every offense. The worst Jew-haters, the most avid murderers of Jews in the modern world are Muslims. They outnumber Jews approximately 100 to 1. Therefore, if we want to stick to that proportion, every time a Muslim hurts a Jew, we have to hurt 100 Muslims.

      For example, when Arabs destroyed the Tomb of Joseph and murdered Rabbi Lieberman, who was hoping to salvage some of the books that had been kept at the site, Jews should have destroyed 100 mosques of similar historical significance and murder 100 mullahs. That, in addition to taking the Tomb of Joseph back and making sure that no Arab could ever again approach within shooting distance.

      In retaliation for the recent terrorist act in Seattle, we should have forced our way into 100 Muslim organizations in the United States, killed 100 Muslim women and injured 500 others, 300 of them critically.

      How should Israel have responded to the murder of a Tali Hatuel, a pregnant Israeli woman, and her four daughters, Hila, Hadar, Roni, and Meirav? By putting to death 100 pregnant Arab women along with 400 of their cute little children?

      When the cannibalistic mob in Ramallah literally tore apart two Israeli reservists, Vadim Norzhich and Yosef Avrahami, Israel sent a helicopter to bomb the police station where the murder took place. As usual, the Israeli response was criticized as disproportionate, although the cowards in charge made sure that the building was empty at the time of the retaliation. What would be a proportionate response to that murder? Round up 200 young Arab men from the area, tie them up, line them up next to each other on the main street in Ramallah and slowly roll a bulldozer over them. If you think that's inhumane, give them some Novocain before you start the bulldozer.

      Sounds terrifying? Relax, my dear readers, I am not really suggesting you do it. You are Jews. When you decide to take justice into your own hands, you write an anonymous letter to the proper authorities. I am suggesting something entirely different. I am saying that a truly proportionate response to Arab atrocities would have had an effect similar to that of the two atomic bombs dropped on Japan, minus the radiation. It would have forever ended the Arab war against Israel and, therefore, should have been the policy of the Israeli government since the day Arabs promised to destroy Israel. By the way, a few - very few - applications of that terribly bitter medicine would, in the long run, have saved many thousands of both Jewish and Arab lives, just like Hiroshima and Nagasaki saved an estimated one million American soldiers and up to three million Japanese civilians.

      In response to my perfectly obvious reasoning, I am anticipating a small avalanche of e-mails calling me a Nazi and unfavorably comparing me to various VIPs of the Third Reich. Here's what puzzles me: Why do the letter-writers never turn their righteous anger against those who openly work to make the next Holocaust happen? How terribly disproportionate of them!

      And, speaking about the Holocaust that has already taken place, what do you think would have been a "proportionate" response to that?