Dear Pro-Pullout Camp,



I understand that you are organizing in order to show your support for the Disengagement from Gaza, believing that this will finally bring peace to Israel.



I also understand that you will be distributing blue ribbons for your supporters to tie onto their car antennas in an effort to show that there are many people who support what Ariel Sharon is doing and why he is doing it. These ribbons will be distributed in direct opposition to the orange ribbons distributed by the anti-Disengagement camp. I also understand that you will be traversing Israel, knocking on doors and talking to people in the street to build support for the pullout. You sincerely believe that the pullout from Gaza has been misunderstood and spun completely wrong, and you wish to address this misunderstanding in your efforts. I thought I could share some ideas with you about how to make this movement even more successful and exciting than it already is, by offering some suggestions for improving your efforts to educate the Israeli public.



1. Pro-Disengagement Paraphernalia. As you have already realized, it is important to adopt certain colors, slogans, and items to define your movement. There are all kinds of opportunities here for impressing the public with your message! First of all, do away with the idea of blue ribbons; it looks too much like the first prize in a children's race. Choose, instead, white ribbons. They are more emblematic of your cause. A white ribbon, like a white flag, says, "We surrender to terrorism! You win." This is the real message of Disengagement. Rather than trying to hide it, embrace it! Let your real feelings show! Why not? We should allow the terrorists to experience a sense of love and acceptance as they begin the next stage of life even closer to important Israeli towns.



Some related items would be bumper stickers stating, "Hug a Terrorist!" and "Jews for Jihad!" Imagine the great feelings of brotherhood you could introduce as these slogans begin to permeate the very fabric of Israel! Building upon this success, you might consider providing some beautiful red and white signs displaying targets and the words (in Arabic, of course) "Hit this sign and win free coffee!" These signs could be proudly displayed by members of the Tel Aviv business community.



2. Travel Opportunities. Movements need something to rally around, but they also need a place to rally. If you have a march, for example, you need a place to march to. After all, what would a movement be without the opportunity to travel? Unlike those silly anti-Disengagement marchers, who had to camp out and get all sweaty and dusty in their tents in the fields, members of your pro-Disengagement group could plan their march to end at the new "Sharon Gaza Casino and Resort" on opening day! As an added bonus, Sharon, in appreciation for your assistance in the building of his casino empire, could offer you a discount. One could just show their willingness to sell out Israel and get 10% off a room and a free roll of shekels for the slots. What a deal! It wouldn't take long for people to realize that you are the movement to join. Why camp out when you can have first-class accommodations?



3. Exciting Careers. The country doesn't have to get itself in a slump because of all those soldiers refusing to participate in the Gaza withdrawal. With all these religious soldiers being disqualified for elite services with the IDF, there are some wonderful job opportunities opening up! You could print up flyers explaining how supporting the pullout from Gaza would make you a prime candidate for front-line duty -- and we know that there is nothing that makes a secular, left-wing pacifist happier than a plumb three-year position in a combat unit of the IDF! Wow!



Imagine showing off that uniform to your friends and family! Imagine being on the front lines, where you could really get close enough to hug one of those sweet, silly, misguided terrorists! All they need is love and understanding, and you could start the process. It would be a dream come true!



4. Winning Friends and Influencing People. Pro-pullout supporters would have unprecedented access to all kinds of government officials, and we know they always remember who their friends are. You could sponsor pro-pullout tours of important government installations where well-connected people would get to know exactly who you are. Other pro-pullout supporters have already been promised immunity from prosecution, financial rewards from the US and Europe, and prime political positions!



Well, these are just a few of the great ideas I have. I'm sure you can think of a few more, but this should get you started. Please let me know if I can offer any other guidance in the future.



Sincerely,



Michelle Nevada