Beware: Genius At Work

Minister for Internal Security, Gideon Ezra, said that the last few terrorist actions had been carried out by the Islamic Jihad. This terror organization is in its "death throes" and is about to breath its last, as we are witnessing its demise.

Brilliant! So let's analyze this stroke of genius.

The terror organizations that have just murdered a soldier, killed a civilian and sent a female homicide bomber to blow up the Soroka hospital in Be'er Sheva are really powerless, semi-defunct, a gang of soon-to-disappear hoodlums.

Fabulous! In other words, Israel doesn't need to retaliate in any way because the innocent Jewish blood exacted wasn't a part of the continuous and ongoing murder campaign against the Jews in Israel. It was merely a desperate show of weakness by a fading group of tired killers. The best comparison, I guess, is to view this as the candle's flame, which flickers brightly a moment before it disappears in a puff of smoke. A celebration indeed.

Dazzling! And since we are advised to stand on the sidelines and quietly absorb the continuing bloodshed, which will surely diminish completely once the Islamic Jihad goes out of existence, we might as well duly observe that everything else going on in Israeli politics today is a blessing in disguise. Just a little more, just a little while longer...

But why get ahead of ourselves? Let's reflect quietly on some of the steps being taken along the way to the utopian serenity about to engulf the State of Israel. The final analysis will show that Camelot is a nearby reality.

I just don't know how to break this to the families of those two murdered this week. Perhaps I ought to tell them that the guns fired by a disintegrating gang in its last throes of gangsterism were of the 'non-threatening' type. I'm sure that the news will ease their unbearable pain of loss. But how does one propose to break the happy news to Mr. Hatuel? How does one relate to him the wonderful news that the guns that massacred his entire family were not of the 'threatening' kind? The knowledge of such, I'm sure, will sooth his shattered heart and bring him much comfort and relief.

"Hey," I will tell him. "You know those despicable Peres-friends who murdered your little children, your wife and unborn baby? Well, you'll be happy to know that the guns given to them by the architect of the Oslo disaster were 'non-threatening' guns, shot at point-blank range. These guns posed no danger to your beautiful family, because only suicide bombers cause death and are threatening to our common well-being."

I'm sure, Mr. Hatuel will smile with delight. And then, I ought to travel to see the children orphans left behind when Binyamin and Tali Kahane were ambushed as they drove one late night.

"Children," I will smile at all six of them at the same time. "Children. I want you to be happy from now on. You see, little orphans, your parents were not brutally murdered by any 'threatening' guns, rifles or machine-guns. No, children. Your parents can only be killed by suicide bombers. Period."

I'm sure they will stare at me with a strange and sympathetic look, and walk away from the lunatic who insulted their intelligence.

But I will not shy away from my mission. Through every settlement, in every town, I will bring the happy news declaring the imminent dissolution of the Islamic Jihad and the sainthood of those guns that don't threaten us.

And after the collective consciousness absorbs and deciphers the lunacy inherent in the above two revelations, I will have to explain how Ariel Sharon is allowing 750 Egyptian soldiers to enter demilitarized Gaza, how he freed 900 terrorists so that they may again do what they do best, how he is surrendering Israel's dignity and future security. And, most complex explanation of all, how a democratically elected candidate has become a dictator who usurped powers, crushed his party, trampled democracy, destroyed every visage of human rights in the so-called 'only democratic country in the Middle East', strong-armed his opponents into submission, and refuses to call this debacle and submission to terror by its rightful name: capitulation.

There are so many more minute-to-minute strokes of genius being contemplated and carried out by Israel's harebrained government. It seems that, lately, the lights are on, but there is no one home.

Are you with me so far? Excellent.