Recently there appeared in the media accusations against "the rabbis" who, out of a desire to advance their social agenda, invented an issur hilchati (a prohibition of Jewish law), according to which it is forbidden for a young couple to prevent pregnancy before having a child and fulfilling the mitzvah of puru u'revuru (procreation), when in fact, according to halakha, there is no such prohibition.
According to the argument, the status of this mitzvah is the same as that of a father who is commanded to circumcise his son on the eighth day, namely, although there is a hidur (embellishment of the mitzvah) to perform the circumcision early in the morning, many people delay it until the afternoon. Likewise in the case of puru u'revuru, the mitzvah indeed is to procreate, but there is no halakhic problem in delaying the fulfillment of the mitzvah for a couple of years. Critics claim that the rabbis use the halakha in order to promote a social agenda, thus transgressing the severe sin of hiding the truth from those who ask them.
In the wake of these accusations, it is important to clarify three questions:
Our Sages Determined an Age for Marriage
Ostensibly, a young Jewish man should get married at the age of thirteen, for this is the age when he becomes obligated to fulfill the mitzvot. However, our Sages instructed postponing marriage until the age of eighteen and no later than the age of twenty, as they said in the Mishnah (Avot 5:21): "Eighteen [is the age] for the [wedding] canopy, Twenty [is the age] for pursuing [a livelihood]". This is also explained in the Talmud Tractate Kiddushin (29b).
Two reasons for Postponement
There are two reasons for postponement:
1) In order to prepare for the enormous task of establishing a family by studying Torah, as our Sages said in the Mishnah of Avot: "Five years [is the age] for [the study of] Scripture, Ten [is the age] for [the study of] Mishnah, Thirteen [is the age] for [observing] commandments, Fifteen [is the age] for [the study of] Talmud, Eighteen [is the age] for the [wedding] canopy" (Avot 5:21).
Our Sages also said that a man should study Torah before getting married, for if he marries first, the burden of raising a family may prevent him from learning Torah appropriately (Kiddushin 29b). This was codified in the Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 246:2).
The Prohibition of Postponing Marriage on Account of Procreation
Incidentally, another accusation hurled at "the rabbis" is that the main reason they encourage young men to get married at an early age is because of the yetzer ha'ra (evil inclination) which overwhelms them. Instead of educating them to overcome their urges, they educate them to marry in their early twenties, and of course, to also have children as soon as possible after the wedding, at the expense of women's personal development.
Let's examine the foundation of the halakhic obligation to marry by the age of twenty. It is explained in the Talmud: "Raba said, and the School of Rabbi Ishmael taught likewise: Until the age of twenty, the Holy One, blessed be He, sits and waits. When will he take a wife? As soon as one attains twenty and has not married, He exclaims, ‘Blasted be his bones!’ (Kiddushin 29b).
The reason is because he negates the mitzvah of puru u'revuru, the importance of which our Sages said: "But was not the world only made to be populated, as it says 'He created it not a waste, He formed it to be inhabited"(Mishnah Gittin 41b).
This was also codified in halakha, as Rambam wrote "The mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying is incumbent on the husband… If he reaches twenty and has not married, he is considered to have transgressed and negated the observance of this positive commandment” (Hilchot Ishut 15:2). And thus wrote Rosh (Rabbenu Asher) (Kiddushin 1:42): "It cannot possibly be he is negligent in fulfilling the mitzvah of puru u'revuru all his life" - and therefore it is necessary to determine the age at which a young man can complete preparations for his wedding, and then must marry. And thus wrote S'mag (Sefer Mitzvot Gadol, Positive Mitzvah 49): "And since twenty years passed and he has not married – behold, he has transgressed and negated a positive commandment" (many other poskim have written similarly, such as Lavush, E.H. 1:3; Maharam Fadawah 45; Maharit Y.D. 47; Shiurei Knesset HaGadola Y.D.236 note 44; Yafeh L'lev sect.4 E.H.1:12. And even according to Rashba this is the halakha, but in his opinion the obligation at the age of twenty is rabbinic, and an oath applies to a rabbinic mitzvah).
How Significant is the Fear of Sinful Thoughts?
We are obliged to say so, for if not, a young man would have to get married at the age of fifteen, seeing as the yetzer has greater domination at the age of fifteen than at the age of twenty. Moreover, even if we are informed of a teenager who transgresses the sin of masturbation excessively – we do not instruct him to marry before he is prepared in terms of Torah learning and responsibility for earning a livelihood.
The obligation to get married at the appropriate age is so severe that it falls under the category of a mitzvah in which Beit Din forces its fulfillment, as ruled in the Shulchan Aruch, "and under no circumstances should a man be older than twenty years without marrying a woman. And one who is older than twenty years and does not want to marry, Beit Din forces him to marry, in order to fulfill the mitzvah of procreation" (E.H. 1:3).
In the opinion of Rif (Rabbenu Alfasi) and Rambam ,the coercion is done by flogging, and according to the Ba’alei Tosefot and Rosh, rebuke and penalties are applied, i.e. not to trade or employ him, but he should not be beaten or ostracized for not marrying (S.A., E.H. 154:21). This was agreed upon as halakha by all the Rishonim. Nevertheless, Rivash (paragraph 15), R’ma, and many other poskim wrote that in practice, marriage should not be forced, so as not to increase quarrels.
According to the explanation in the Talmud (Kiddushin 30a), several prominent Achronim wrote that when there is a need for a few more years of preparation before marriage, it can be postponed to after the age of twenty, but no later than the age of twenty-four (Yam Shel Shlomo, Kiddushin 1, 57, according Rosh; Chida on Birkei Yosef E.H. 1, 9; Pitchei Teshuva, E.H. 1, 5; Rav Pe’alim Y.D., Section 2, 30).
Nevertheless, a man who strives to marry by the age of twenty-four but fails to find an appropriate woman, is considered ah’nuce (beyond one’s control), and is not criticized that he should have married a woman who is not appropriate for him.
Also, the argument that women are exempt from the mitzvah of procreation and therefore can postpone pregnancy despite this being forbidden for a man is incorrect. First, a woman is also commanded to be fruitful and multiply - which I will write about, God-willing, in the future. Second, after the decree of Rabbeinu Gershom was accepted, forbidding a man to marry two wives, and forbidding him from divorcing his wife against her will, man became totally dependent on his wife to fulfill the mitzvah, and by agreeing to marry her husband, a woman consents to be a partner with him in fulfilling the obligation of the mitzvah (Chatam Sofer, E.H. 20).
Additionally, it is clear that the delaying of a brit milah from the morning until the afternoon cannot be compared to postponing the mitzvah of puru u’revuru. The mitzvah of brit milah is that it takes place on the eighth day, and performing it in the morning is only a hidur. If in the afternoon the brit will be more joyful, and more people will be able to attend, l’chatchila (from the outset) it is proper to perform it in the afternoon. However, the postponement of fulfilling the mitzvah of puru u’revuru is more like postponing brit milah to the ninth day, which is forbidden by the Torah. And in a certain respect, the circumstances of one who postpones fulfilling the mitzvah of puru u’revuru is even more severe, for the curse of our Sages “blasted be his bones” applies to him.
This article appears in the ‘Besheva’ newspaper, and was translated from Hebrew.