20 Things Israel Can Do If The Global Marchers Arrive

Here is what Israel can do if thousands of Arabs march on the border crossings on March 30. This may make the march an attraction no one should miss...

Dr. Moshe Dann,

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צילום: iStock

Here is what Israel can do to make the Global March, if it takes place, a positive experience for participants. Tourism Ministry, take note!  

Nos. 1-3:  Things to do for participants::

(1)   Build outdoor malls at border checkpoints. Also free IKEA buses and halal hotdogs.

(2)   Arrange one-way tours of Jordan and other Arab countries with job placement.

(3)   Offer opportunities to fire rockets from Israel into Gaza

Nos. 4-7: Making their lives easier:

(4)   Set up a real-estate bazaar and mortgage center offering alternative properties in the region; Jews (preference for Gush Katif refugees) would be allowed to rebuild their homes in the Gaza Strip and vote in elections; Arabs (preference for Hamas leaders) build villas along the Sinai coast.

(5)   Offer extended study-tours to Arab countries and Russia to learn about the history of the Palestinian people (PhD included); residency visa added. Abbas can give student guidance.7

(6)   Issue credit cards; items purchased will be deducted from revenues collected by Israel for the PA/Hamas and funds transferred by Israeli to Palestinian banks

(7)   Issue temporary visas and work permits to all European and Muslim countries

Nos. 8-9: Leisure activities:

(8)   Exchange burkas for latest Paris fashions; guns and bombs exchanged for money (Euros and Jordanian dinars only); free beard-removal with every transaction. Hair styling with Suha Arafat or Mrs. Assad.

(9)   Offer disco-dancing with Israeli freichot and arsim (optional nose and belly-button rings). Free Slim Fast diet drinks courtesy of S. Danny Abraham. 

Nos.10-11: That'll teach 'em:

(10)  Make appointment at Jewish Agency to check for possible Jewish ancestry and chance to make aliyah

(11)  Hold interfaith foot-washing ceremony led by Rabbis for Human Rights

(12) Have Hillary Clinton pants suit designed burkas – on sale

(13) Since the demo will be on Friday, Eida Hahareidit should insure no desecration of Shabbat occurs by operating parking lots; also, gender separate portable toilets

Nos. 14-17: Special attractions, space limited:

(14) Tours led by MK Zoabi to mock Jewish cemeteries where participants can destroy gravestones, and mock forests to burn trees.

(15) Rock-throwing contests, first prize a free education in Israeli prisons

(16) Stab-a-soldier booths with life-size IDF figures

(17) Special lectures by Amos Oz and Zev Sternhell: Masada in Palestinian history,  the Palestinian origins of Tel Aviv (hosted at TAU),

18-20 Promote soicial awareness and interfaith tolerance:

(18)  Organize contributions for a Yad VeShem for the Palestinian Nakba

(19)  HaveTony Kushner hold auditions for his new play: Jewless in Judea

(20)  Since this a week before Pesach, sell them our hametz