Op-Ed: 20 Things Israel Can Do If The Global Marchers Arrive
Moshe DannMoshe Dann is a writer and journalist with a Ph.d in history, who lives in Jerusalem.
Here is what Israel can do to make the Global March, if it takes place, a positive experience for participants. Tourism Ministry, take note!
Nos. 1-3: Things to do for participants::
(1) Build outdoor malls at border checkpoints. Also free IKEA buses and halal hotdogs.
(2) Arrange one-way tours of Jordan and other Arab countries with job placement.
(3) Offer opportunities to fire rockets from Israel into Gaza
Nos. 4-7: Making their lives easier:
(4) Set up a real-estate bazaar and mortgage center offering alternative properties in the region; Jews (preference for Gush Katif refugees) would be allowed to rebuild their homes in the Gaza Strip and vote in elections; Arabs (preference for Hamas leaders) build villas along the Sinai coast.
(5) Offer extended study-tours to Arab countries and Russia to learn about the history of the Palestinian people (PhD included); residency visa added. Abbas can give student guidance.7
(6) Issue credit cards; items purchased will be deducted from revenues collected by Israel for the PA/Hamas and funds transferred by Israeli to Palestinian banks
(7) Issue temporary visas and work permits to all European and Muslim countries
Nos. 8-9: Leisure activities:
(8) Exchange burkas for latest Paris fashions; guns and bombs exchanged for money (Euros and Jordanian dinars only); free beard-removal with every transaction. Hair styling with Suha Arafat or Mrs. Assad.
(9) Offer disco-dancing with Israeli freichot and arsim (optional nose and belly-button rings). Free Slim Fast diet drinks courtesy of S. Danny Abraham.
Nos.10-11: That'll teach 'em:
(10) Make appointment at Jewish Agency to check for possible Jewish ancestry and chance to make aliyah
(11) Hold interfaith foot-washing ceremony led by Rabbis for Human Rights
(12) Have Hillary Clinton pants suit designed burkas – on sale
(13) Since the demo will be on Friday, Eida Hahareidit should insure no desecration of Shabbat occurs by operating parking lots; also, gender separate portable toilets
Nos. 14-17: Special attractions, space limited:
(14) Tours led by MK Zoabi to mock Jewish cemeteries where participants can destroy gravestones, and mock forests to burn trees.
(15) Rock-throwing contests, first prize a free education in Israeli prisons
(16) Stab-a-soldier booths with life-size IDF figures
(17) Special lectures by Amos Oz and Zev Sternhell: Masada in Palestinian history, the Palestinian origins of Tel Aviv (hosted at TAU),
18-20 Promote soicial awareness and interfaith tolerance:
(18) Organize contributions for a Yad VeShem for the Palestinian Nakba
(19) HaveTony Kushner hold auditions for his new play: Jewless in Judea
(20) Since this a week before Pesach, sell them our hametz