We have all been hurt at some point of our lives, maybe even betrayed, and disappointed by a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or even a brother or sister.
You would agree that after any offense you are angry and sometimes bitter, you start automatically to dislike that person maybe even hate him and wish him the worst.
All these negative emotions, if not dealt withl properly, are very dangerous to your health as well to close people around you. Know this;
UNFORGIVENESS WILL MAKE AND KEEP YOU SICK
Have you ever seen a beautiful apple which when cut it in half is rotten? Simply put, anger and bitterness eats away at us from the inside. We often do not see and do not realize that inner damage, and some people carry the bitterness through their entire life.
How do anger, hate resentment, bitterness hurt us?
All these negative emotions have one thing in common; they trigger stress reaction and as we stress, a big amount of cortisol and adrenaline is released into the blood stream. This is a natural stress reaction. It is called fight or flight.
After the threat is gone, the stress hormones are cleared from our body. But carrying around a load of anger and hate, desire for revenge, feeling of hurt keep all these stress hormones active in our body and over a long time results in a damage. Our arteries are being damaged; the plaque buildup starts to form. The heart begins to suffer. Also your immune system is down which make you vulnerable to any disease (your body is simply not able to fight any disease).
Being stressed makes you feel tired and worn down, gives you sleepless nights and also may lead you to anxiety, depression and possibly to addiction (because at some point your going to find yourself so miserable to ease the pain you may look for relief in alcohol, drugs etc.).
The quality of life with unforgiveness is low as your life inside as well outside is affected. It definitely robs you of your joy, you can longer enjoy life because most of your time is spent thinking about the offense or offender. You basically can’t move forward with your life, think clearly, or make a good decision.
It also affects the people around you, for example if you are mad at your brother or sister, your whole family suffers.
Healthy new relationships are not possible. Why? Because you will bring that anger and bitterness to that new relationship and it’s not fun.
Remember: You can never live well in the present if you are stuck in the past.
If you think that by holding to unforgiveness you are accomplishing something you are wrong . Yes, you want the offender to be punished or feel guilty or ashamed, but unforgiveness does not accomplish the goal you think it does. The person it hurts the most is you.
What can you do about it? Find the courage to forgive. It is not easy. It is a process and the choice you can take.
What is forgiveness? It is letting go of grudges and bitterness and thoughts of revenge. What is not forgiveness? Forgiveness is not justifying another's actions or denying the hurt (otherwise your wounds will never heal). It’s not forgetting it either (for example how you can forget if your brother was killed by a drunk driver).
Say no to unforgiveness and do not let your past have a negative affect on your health and future.
Rabbi Dr. Bernhard H. Rosenberg is rabbi emeritus of Congregation Beth-El in Edison, New Jersey and is the author of Theological and Halachich Reflections on the Holocaust, among other books.