“Hello Ahmed, this is Mahmed. Sorry to call on your cell phone number but it’s important; we have a little problem, do you have a moment?” Mahmed answers Ahmed. “Sure habibi tell me what’s going on.”
Ahmed explains, “I’m proceeding with the boycott campaign against the Jews and Israel just like we planned.” Ahmed interrupts. “Very good, how is the Facebook page coming along?” Mahmed says, “Well that’s the problem. Facebook was created by a Jew, Zuckerberg, and we have to boycott it.” Ahmed sighs. “Okay you’re right. Let’s just instant message everyone.” Mahmed replies, “Apparently instant messaging was invented in Israel.” Ahmed thinks for a moment. “Then we’ll just have to leave a voicemail for everyone.” Mahmed hesitates and then responds. “Voicemail technology is from Israel.” Ahmed is getting angry. “Okay, so call everyone and if they don’t pick up then don’t leave a message.”
Mahmed responds cautiously, “Well my friend that would be a really good idea, but Israel created the cell phone in its Motorola development office. Ahmed yells. “Then just take all the boycott information and put it on a flash drive and hand it to everyone!” Mahmed clears his throat. “Ahem, well, I don’t want to upset you but Israel invented the USB flash drive and actually Israel invented the Pentium Intel computer chip and the Windows operating system.”
Ahmed is fed up and suggests, “Let’s just all meet in person, we’ll all get together and talk.” Mahmed asks, “Where should we meet?” Ahmed says, “I don’t care, how about Starbucks?” Mahmed says, “They’re on the boycott list.” Ahmed says, “Okay, okay, McDonalds!” Mahmed says, “They’re also on the boycott list.” Ahmed says, “Disney?” Mahmed says, “Boycott list.”
Ahmed asks, “Didn’t we ever invent anything?” Mahmed answers, “Yes, yes, we invented coffee and tea.”
Ahmed is beside himself. “Are you telling me there is no way to boycott Israel, its people, its products, its supporters and its technology without using their products, their supporters and their technology?” Mahmed thinks for a moment and then offers a solution. “Maybe we could stand on the mountain top and blow a ram’s horn to alert everyone.” Ahmed replies, “Are you stupid, that was invented by the Jews too. Just hang up the phone and fly out to meet me.” Mahmed explains, “Well I read in the paper that every plane has a part manufactured by Iscar the Israeli metal company.”
Ahmed has reached his limit. “So I’ll walk and you’ll walk; we’ll walk and meet. We can still use our feet can’t we?” Mahmed interjects. “To tell you the truth, the word for the heal of one’s foot is Ekev which is the root of the name Jacob, Yaakov, a patriarch of the Jewish people. I think we have to boycott our feet.” Ahmed says, “We can’t even use our own feet? Then tell all our brotherhood to chop off all our feet immediately.” Mahmed responds, “That’s a great idea Ahmed, but we have absolutely no way of communicating with our brotherhood.”
Ahmed asks, “Didn’t we ever invent anything?” Mahmed answers, “Yes, yes, we invented coffee and tea.” Ahmed is finally satisfied. “Okay then, I’ll just sit here with my chopped off feet and have a cup of coffee and tea.” Mahmed informs Ahmed about just one more little problem. “But you’ll have to have it black; Israel is the land of milk and honey.”
Rabbi Dr. David Nesenoff is an internationally renowned speaker on Israel, anti-Semitism, Judaism, Hassidism and media. His popular website is DavidINSPIRES.com and his video interview exposing and expelling the anti-Semite Helen Thomas from the Washington Press Corps went viral and became global news. [email protected]