“Hello. Is this the U.S. Department of State?” the voice whispers.
“We like to call ourselves the Department of Diplomacy in Action,” the friendly voice on the phone answers. There is a moment of silence and then the whispering voice continues. “I’m on an international flight and there is a terrorist on board.”
The friendly voice says, “We don’t call them terrorists, in fact, there are no terrorists. Sometimes there are disgruntled workers who have an agenda, but that’s only after we’ve had a complete investigation to evaluate the situation.”
“What are you talking about?” his whispering level becomes elevated. “There is a man on this plane yelling ‘allah akbar’ and running up and down the aisles.” Again there is silence for just a moment and then the cheery voice replies, “President Obama has made it clear that the Muslim call to prayer is one of the prettiest sounds on earth.”
The whisper is now a shout. “I’m not on earth, I’m on a plane and...” He starts whispering again. “There’s a guy with what appears to be explosives strapped to his chest; he’s got a semi-automatic weapon in one hand and a box cutter in the other hand with which he just stabbed a stewardess.”
Now the friendly State Department voice becomes upset. “I must warn you that the term is not ‘stewardess’ it is ‘flight attendant’ although ‘air hostess’ is acceptable as well. This is all part of Mrs. Clinton’s 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling supporting women’s rights. Also, male flight attendants do not appreciate the title ‘air host’ and prefer to be called a ‘crew member’ or a ‘cabin attendant.’ And that’s only if they are comfortable with their gender from birth.”
The man on the plane is incensed. “While you’re doing nothing, the terrorist just pushed a disabled man in a wheel chair right out of the plane.” The State Department voice on the phone warns. “Please I’ve already told you that there are no such things as terrorists and you should know that this call is being recorded and just documented that you said the words ‘a disabled man in a wheel chair.’ The man is ‘differently-abled’ and ‘wheel chair bound.’ There is no need to degrade him.”
The man on the plane replies, “Degrade him? He’s free falling as we speak somewhere over the Orient.” Shooting can be heard in the background.
“I’m afraid I just won’t stand for that kind of language,” the governmental worker warns. “You should have said, ‘He is free falling over Asia’ not the Orient.”
The sound of shooting continues. The man on the plane screams, “Oh my god, oh my god, he’s killing passengers!”
The voice of the State Department says, “OMG! You just said “god,” that’s a big no-no; we have a separation of church and state, not to be confused with the apartheid state that John Kerry calls Israel.”
The passenger pleads, “Please, at least call my wife before I die and tell her I love her.”
The Washington State Department voice concludes, “Sir, you are obviously heterosexual and therefore a homophobic racist, bigot, right wing confederate flag waiving supporter of Judean settlements and Gitmo, so I am going to have to discontinue this conversation. Thank you for calling the U.S. Department of Diplomacy in Action.”
Rabbi Dr. David Nesenoff is an internationally renowned speaker on Israel, anti-Semitism, Judaism, Chasidut and media. His popular website isDavidINSPIRES.com and his video interview exposing and expelling the anti-Semite Helen Thomas from the Washington Press Corps went viral and became global news. [email protected]