New documents showing Esti Weinstein's difficult inner struggle were revealed by Hebrew-language newspaper Israel Hayom.
Weinstein went missing last year. When she was found in her car several days later, it was obvious that she had committed suicide. Since Esti was haredi and no longer in touch with most of her family, the assumption was that they had rejected her for becoming irreligious.
The documents included a note Esti wrote to her husband Shlomo, as well as documents from the Welfare Ministry detailing previously unknown parts of the Weinstein's story.
In the note to her husband, Esti wrote, "I'm sorry, Shlomo. I can't continue living this lie. I love my children, with all my heart! I'm not going to make problems for you, I won't touch the bank account. I took some cash to get started. If you bother me too much, you'll be invited to my funeral."
The Welfare Ministry documents, exposed by Israel Today, show that the family did not, in fact, reject Esti. Rather, her inner dilemma is what pushed Esti to end her life.
In a letter, the welfare officer said, "Over the years, Esther found herself in a difficult dilemma. She was forced to give up who she was in order to continue pretending to be who her community expected her to be. If she ceased pretending and became irreligious, she would be forced to give up her family."
"Esther did not find a solution to her dilemma, and she chose to try committing suicide. Then, she thought this would be the best solution, because the pain caused to her family would be minor.
"After she failed to commit suicide, and despite the fact that she realized she had to cut contact with her family, she decided to go back home after only ten days.
"She simply missed her daughters too much.
"It was obvious to her then, as it is obvious now, that her daughters were happy in their world, and that she could not simply uproot them from their home, from their lives.
"She promised never to leave her family again, and suppressed her own wants and needs. For sven months, she felt like a stranger. Physically, she was home, but emotionally, she wanted to be with her daughters somewhere else.
"Shlomo spoke appreciatively about Esther. He said she was smart and incredibly talented in many areas, but that her behaviors were unstable."