Meir Ettinger's baby

Few know that Meir Ettinger's baby is Rabbi Meir Kahane Hy"d's great grandchild. A bittersweet satire on a father, detained without trial, whose firstborn has his brit today, April 4th.

Tzvi Fishman

OpEds Tzvi Fishman
Tzvi Fishman

Note: This article is a not so funny satirical twist to the story of Meir Ettinger, administrative detainee, and his request to attend the brit of his firstborn son. All names of protesters are fictional:

Remember the old Polanski film, “Rosemary’s Baby,” where Mia Farrow was impregnated with the seed of the devil? Now, in Israel, there’s a new twist on the story.

This past Saturday night, Motzei Shabbat, at the entrance to Jerusalem, under the String Bridge, the Kahane-Ettinger families organized a demonstration, demanding that Meir Ettinger be released from prison to attend the brit of his baby boy, which is to be held on Monday.  Israel’s Supreme Court was scheduled to hear an official appeal of the family and the Honenu organization the following day.

Meir Ettinger has been imprisoned in administrative detention for over half a year, even though no charges have been waged against him. He is suspected of being the ringleader of a group of five teenagers who planned to topple the State of Israel with marking pens, thumb tacks, and pea shooters. Israeli Security Services admits that he had no connection to the Duma murders.

A few noted Tel Aviv professors held their own counter-demonstration a short distance away from the Kahane-Ettinger family protest, demanding that the yet unnamed baby be arrested and put in administration detention as well.

“Like father, like son,” declared Prof. Haim Plotz, co-director of “Israelis for Democracy,” and winner of the prestigious Dizengoff Prize for Peace. “This is Kahane’s baby, and as such, he poses a grave threat to Israeli society and for all chances for peace in the Middle East. We demand that the Security Services arrest him immediately!”

Meir Ettinger, for those who do not know, is the grandson of Rabbi Meir Kahane, who was murdered by a Palestinian freedom fighter in New York. That makes the 5-day old baby Kahane’s great grandson.

“Genetics have proven that character traits are carried in a child’s DNA and chromosomal structure along with physical traits of his ancestors,” the Professor of Biochemistry explained. “There is no doubt that the child is a Kahanist. Why let him grow up and spread more Kahane incitement? He must be imprisoned. he must be kept away from his father.”

The noted psychologist, Professor Paul Applebaum, author of the international bestselling book, “Israel on the Couch,” was also at the counter-demonstration. “It is now accepted that a fetus is influenced in the womb by the thoughts and feelings of its mother. In addition, its tiny brain acts as a miniature tape recorder, storing everything it hears all during pregnancy. Therefore, this creature is no innocent child. Without a doubt, the Kahane baby has already been inoculated with all the racist Kahane ideology and must be incarcerated before he strikes. Now only must the father be kept in prison, but, for the sake of Israeli democracy, the child as well must be locked behind bars – in a different penitentiary, of course, far away from his father.” 

Nobel Prize winner, History Professor Max Worman, co-director of “Israelis for Democracy,” agreed with his colleagues, saying that Rabbi Meir Kahane’s call to expel Arabs from the Land of Israel was the apex of modern racism, and that peace would never come to the country until the entire Kahane clan was ousted from Israel, including the newborn baby. “A democratic state must rid itself of enemies which don’t recognize its right to exist,” he asserted, holding up a sign reading: “Remember Rosemary’s Baby!” His book, “The Myth of Israel,” has been translated into 60 languages. So far, the European League for Justice has paid for the free distribution of 100,000,000 copies of the book worldwide.

The renowned Professor of History concluded, “Because King Saul didn’t kill the wicked Amalekite King Agag immediately, and gave him a chance to breed, the seed of Agag, the wicked Haman, threatened to destroy all Jews. We can’t let this tragedy happen again. The problem is not just Meir Ettinger. The problem is Kahane’s baby. It must be swept from our midst right now!” 

Tzvi Fishman was awarded the Israel Ministry of Education Prize for Jewish Culture and Creativity. Before making Aliyah to Israel in 1984, he was a successful Hollywood screenwriter. He has co-authored 4 books with Rabbi David Samson, based on the teachings of Rabbis A. Y. Kook and T. Y. Kook. His other books include: "The Kuzari For Young Readers" and "Tuvia in the Promised Land". His books are available on Amazon. Recently, he directed the movie, "Stories of Rebbe Nachman."