Divrei Azriel: Emunah is a Journey
Divrei Azriel: Emunah is a Journey
The often recited chapter of Tehillim, "Esa einai" (Psalms, Chapter 121, I lift my eyes to the hills), begins with a question, "From where will my help come?" The response arrives swiftly and without much delay, "My help is from God." And while the speaker seems confident in his response, the chapter does not end there. Six verses ensue, seemingly reinforcing the answer that "My help is from God." While the question and answer are stated in the first person, the remaining, reinforcing, verses are spoken in second person. This change happens seamlessly without explanation or the introduction of a new speaker. Who is speaking to whom? Why the change from I to You?

The Talmud Yerushalmi in Tractate Ta'anit (10b) records a fascinating account of the dramatic and tension filled moment just prior to the splitting of the sea, krait yam suf. Stuck between an impassible body of water and their oncoming pursuers, the Jewish people were divided in their responses.

The Yerushalmi describes four general groups of response. The righteous people were calm and confident in God's salvation despite the apparent catastrophe staring them in the face. The wicked were practically on their way back to the throes and contamination of Egypt. And among the middle, or average, folk there were those that decided to turn to God and pray and those that wished to take action and wage war. (This presentation of the Yerushalmi follows that of the Korban Ha'edah).

Whether or not there were in reality four distinct groups of people, it seems that this fourfold dichotomy, or something akin to it, is a reality within most individuals as well. Few people are simply and straightforwardly righteous or wicked or average. Most of us are some confusing and cryptic conglomerate of all these types. Character development as well as faith, is not a momentary decision but a process with many ups and downs, progressions and regressions. Moreover, it is often only in hindsight that we can determine if any given experience was in fact a growth or a fall. Little in the journey is black and white.

It may come as a shock to hear the great psalmist and faith leader of Israel, King David, Dovid Hamelech, ask, "From where will my help come?" Really?! Dovid Hamelech is asking such a question? For this reason many have likely read this verse as a rhetorical question. But I think that may miss the point. Yes, even Dovid Hamelech may have experienced moments of questioning and wondering. Yes, even Dovid Hamelech may have found himself lost in the dark, on the brink of despair asking "From where will my help come?"

Perhaps the entire chapter is Dovid's internal dialogue. Asking himself, "From where will my help come?" And responding, quickly and firmly, "From God." But knowing that such an answer does not always penetrate as promptly and definitively as it can be said by the lips, King David continues for six more verses. Talking to himself. Not professing a belief in the first person and not merely speaking resolutely about the abstract, black and white nature of God's existence as creator. But instead, walking himself through a process of reflecting on God's personal involvement in his life. He repeats the same sentiment over and over again in a variety of expressions because the internalization of such a belief is not a momentary decision "I believe." It is an ongoing process we walk ourselves through.

This, says the Ba'al HaTanya (Tanya, Chapter 15), is implied in the term עובד ה' - a person in the service of God as opposed to an עבד ה' - a servant of God. 

"שעובד הוא לשון הוה שהוא באמצע העבודה שהיא המלחמה עם היצה"ר" - "Oved is present tense, that one is in the middle of their work which is an ongoing battle with the evil inclination." Most people, claims Tanya, even those on the level of the saintly Rabbah, live as an oved in perpetual and continual development.

It is well known that Rav Soloveitchik, Rav Hutner (Iggrot U'ketavim 128), and others interpret the verse (Mishlei 24:16), "שבע יפול צדיק וקם" - "Seven times will the righteous fall and get up," not as meaning that even the righteous fall but get up, but that in order to become righteous one must wade through the process of falling and rising.

True deep faith cannot come from decisively professing a belief, "I believe." It is a process and journey we talk and help ourselves work through. "שמע ישראל, ה' אלקינו, ה' אחד" - "Listen Israel, Hashem is our God, Hashem is One." We say this to "Israel" - of course this includes other people, but perhaps we are most primarily saying this to ourselves just as Dovid Hamelech told himself, "ה' ישמרך וכו'" - "Hashem will guard you etc." 

May we merit to guide ourselves to a sweet and fulfilling journey!