When I, and my three surviving children, sat Shiva for Lucy, Maia and Rina in April 2023, we were comforted by thousands of visitors, most of whom we had never met. After the Shiva, I wondered why I so appreciated their presence at my time of sadness. My only explanation was that they reminded me that I am part of a huge family, the family of Am Yisrael. Had I perceived myself only as part of my immediate close-knit family, I could not have survived the loss of three out of the seven of us. However, after losing three members from a family of 15 million Jews spread around the world, I was eventually able to pick myself up and go on living. Feeling part of a larger family is what Jewish unity is all about.
This is a message we can see in the story of Yaakov’s dream. When Yaakov reaches Mount Moriah, the Torah tells us that he gathers some stones to rest his head (Bereishit 28:11). But when he gets up after the dream, the Torah tells us that he “took the stone that he had placed under his head, and set it up as a monument.”
The Midrash explains how the many “stones” became one “stone”. They squabbled over which one might have the honour of supporting Yaakov’s head and a miracle combined them together into one stone. Why did the fact that the stones were stuck together solve their dispute? After all, the stone on the top was the one that supported Yaakov’s head, and all that had changed was the application of some Divine glue!
To answer this, consider the following. If you were invited to a friend for Shabbat lunch and brought a bottle of wine as a hostess gift, that would be appropriate. If you brought a game for their child, that would also be respectable. But if you brought a bottle of wine for their next-door neighbour, that would probably not be sufficient to show your gratitude. Why not? Because we are pleased to see our spouse and kids being respected, as it reflects directly back to ourselves, but this may not extend to our next-door neighbours (no offence to mine, they are both delightful!) In the same way, we can understand that the individual stones had been jealous of one another, but as a “family” of stones, united as one, they retained no feelings of envy.
Am Yisrael is a family. We know it’s true. When Am Yisrael is in danger, we all ignore our differences and jump into action. When we don’t approve of the actions of another Jew, we don’t stop arguing. Rav Adin Steinsaltz in his book “We Jews” explains that this is because we are a family. A nation can ignore different factions holding opposing views (especially during election campaigns!). A religion can tolerate many arguments (for the sake of heaven). But if you believe that your parent, child or sibling is ruining their life, then you will pursue them indefinitely to convince them to change (or harbour chronic anger against them if they do not listen!)
Among my wider family in the UK and Israel, I have been enriched by those members who are highly educated and by those who are less so. I have learnt from those who are experts in Torah studies and from those who are more focused on their careers. I have been inspired by those who give to others with their time, resources or financial support, wherever they sit on the Jewish spectrum.
Am Yisrael is enriched today by our diversity in ritual observance, by our different contributions to the military and the economy, by our commitment to Torah and academic prowess, and most of all, by our demonstration of love for one another, as I experienced in April 2023 at our Shiva. This shows that we are all still stuck together with Divine glue. It demonstrates that the Jewish people are alive and well, and despite our differences we are still connected to each other like one big family.
Am Yisrael Chai!
Rabbi Leo Dee is an educator living in Efrat. His book “Transforming the World: The Jewish Impact on Modernity” was republished in English and Hebrew in memory of his wife Lucy and daughters Maia and Rina, who were murdered by terrorists in April 2023.