At the rally
At the rallyAdar Eyal

Released hostage Aviva Siegel, wife of hostage Keith Siegel, spoke Saturday night at a rally aimed at pressuring the Israeli government to agree to a deal with Hamas, no matter what the terms - even at the price of allowing Hamas to maintain control of Gaza.

"When I was in Gaza, it took me a long time to understand that I was a hostage," Siegel said. "Me, of all people, how is that even logical? On the other hand, I quickly understood that I had no rights, in a second."

"In the second when they pulled my hair and pushed Keith onto the floor, I understood that I had no choice about anything. Nothing.

"I would look around, see the terrorists with their long rifles, I would see the cracks in the walls, I would look at the frightened girls beside me and ask myself, what am I doing here? What are we doing here? And how do the days pass and no one gets us out of here.

"I felt so far away from everything I love. Far from everything I know - my four children, my five grandchildren, my family, I felt like I was nothing. They treated me like I was nothing. Luckily I was kidnapped with my husband Keith. He helped me calm down, gave me a feeling that I was not alone, he was there for me 100%. If I had to be kidnapped to Gaza, then at least it was with Keith.

"And now, what am I to him? What am I to myself? What am I to the grandchildren? The family? I have no idea. I have no idea what I'm doing here in this life I've been given. I have no idea how to continue with all the feelings I'm feeling, there is no feeling more difficult than this, that I cannot be there for Keith when he needs me most, and I'm not there and cannot do anything for him to return to me.

"I feel like a person walking around in the world, on the outside everything seems fine but on the inside I am empty. On the inside I am broken. And I ask you, how am I supposed to live like this?

"We are dying inside here! You talk about victory and 19 hostage women being raped there. You talk about heavy prices and 100 hostages struggling to breathe in dark tunnels. You talk about waiting for conditions to ripen and two sweet children just want to see their father again. You postpone decisive discussions and almost 40 families just want to bury their children in the soil of Israel. You busy yourselves with unimportant laws and act as if the negotiations are a child's game. And my heart, my husband's heart, and the heart of an entire nation are shattered into pieces. Whole families, whole circles, suffocating here in fear... I know nothing about Keith. I don't know if he is alone, I don't know if they are giving him food, I don't know if he believes he will ever return home, I don't know if he is alive."

She added, "Don't talk to me about victory. Don't talk to me about military pressure. Nothing has worked so far, they are dying there every day. Do not dare to bring the delegation back from Qatar without a deal!!!! Do not dare go to sleep without dreaming of the hostages and do not dare wake up in the morning without expanding the mandate as much as needed. Do everything now to bring everyone home!!!!! Only the hostages matter!!!! Only the hostages!!!!"