Discovering Torah
Discovering TorahiStock

God, I have thought it through and it has become clear, the prayers, the lecturers, all speak of sinful ways and wrongful deeds, neither of them apply. It wasn’t a broken spirit or malicious intent, wasn't the fault of a stubborn heart, wasn't the turn of my back, wasn’t the spiteful anger You despise.

Oh, God this was just my own ideas, thought of by me, proposed by me and assumed by me, assumed to be prime and correct, assumed to be fruitful and plenty, assumed to be a grand gift of self transcendence.

Oh, God I didn’t know anything because I thought I knew too much, knew all the workings and mechanisms of reality, in this prism I have prostrated and stated with a contented smile, so that what results it led to and how it was perceived were irrelevant. Mind knows best, so the mind triumphed, another human with ideals, another theory of truth and another mistaken path paved by my own arrogance, smoke no fire, water no dam, wind no mill and human no propositions.

It is not that I have forsaken religion and its importance, or that I have wronged in my path, this is only because I had found a new religion, one that my mind is its end and all must bow to it, one that when all rights are shown, even a slight budge would not be known. This is I, not a sinner or wrongdoer, not a mischievous soul, not seeking to fill gaps, this is I - fallen prey, fallen prey to assumptions of the mind, fallen prey to the propositions of the mind and the cheap sacrifices to You.

Even at the most sacred of times, I have followed my strict rulings in the mind, assumed them to be law and gave them credence worthy of no man. Proposed, purposed, perpetuated and prostrated them to the full extent, serving only through this frame, which was of my own creation.

God, all was right when I stepped my step, this is my sin and it is the worst of them all. I knew better than the rest and used them as scapegoats for my ideas. When I wanted more ideas I gave You less purity, I kept the purity for myself and handed the cheap as leftovers for You.

A new year where purity goes to You and I keep the rest is indeed Your wish and I shall strive for this to start year one of seven.