Last week PA “president” Mahmoud Abbas went to Europe with a bagful of accusations against Israel, namely that “rabbis are calling on Israel to poison Palestinian water.” In return, people accused Abbas of bringing up the oldest, vilest and most discredited blood libel of all time.
Some said no such rabbi existed and that no real rabbi would ever say such a thing.
But wait just a moment, please. I met this rabbi, the particular one Abbas had in mind.
I happened to be in San Francisco where this rabbi preaches and where he davens Zen with Michael Lerner, the renowned Seer of Berkeley. I caught up to him during a bowling tournament on Saturday, normally the Sabbath and a day of rest, but these were the finals. We talked when it wasn’t his turn to throw.
Rabbi Matt belongs to BDS Clergy for Abbas, which goes back to Jews for Arafat.
This rabbi knows Jewish suffering. His parents died during the Holocaust – in Cleveland.
He was happy to say that he knew Abbas personally and that Abbas had quoted him correctly.
“Too late,” said the rabbi when I told him that Abbas was trying to walk back that kind of talk. “You can’t UN-spill the beans.”
He’s all in for a two-state solution. One half for Hamas, the other half for Fatah.
But the entire world already heard Abbas tell a big fat lie. “You can call it what you want,” challenged the rabbi. “You’re forgetting truth.”
“We call it truth Palestinian-style.”
“Don’t forget,” the rabbi said. “Like Abbas himself says, Palestinians were here before anybody.”
So was the cockroach.
The rabbi was full of information.
“Jesus was a Palestinian. Did you know?”
“Just ask Mahmoud. He says so right here on Google.”
I will check this out.
“Columbus was a Palestinian. My pal Mahmoud. I choke up when he speaks. Don’t you?”
“Abbas gets standing ovations at the EU and the UN. They love it when he talks dirty. One zinger after another. Abbas really knows how to kill.”
That is a fact.
“So is this. The Palestinians invented the wheel, the automobile, the airplane and the computer. Just ask him.”
Does he have proof?
“It’s enough that he’s a man of peace. He’s all in for a two-state solution. One half for Hamas, the other half for Fatah.”
That’s been clear for some time.
Zipping right along, was this rabbi aware that no legit rabbi would ever say what he’s been quoted as saying?
“I AM a legit rabbi. How dare you!”
“Where,” I asked him, “did you make smicha?”
I explained that it’s about being ordained from a qualified and certified yeshiva.
“Hell yeah I’ve been ordained. Cheap. For $180 I can get you ordained, too. For that price, anybody can become a rabbi.”
“Right around the corner. Mack’s Tattoo Shop.”
“Are you Jewish?”
“That costs an extra 800 bucks. For an additional 650 you can be an accredited expert in Cabbala. A 10-minute course. In and out.”
“I’ve heard enough.”
“No you haven’t. Mack is running a Tuesday Special. For a measly 2,000 bucks you get the works and Mack will throw in a full-body tattoo job. Like mine.”
“Tell him Rabbi Matt sent you and he’ll discount 10 percent. Interested?”
“Sure. Maybe later. Right now I just wanted to know where Mahmoud Abbas gets his facts and information.”
“So now you know. His word is as good as mine.”
Right, truth Palestinian-style.
New York-based bestselling American novelist Jack Engelhard writes a regular column for Arutz Sheva. He is the author of the international classic “Indecent Proposal” now followed by the prophetic newsroom thriller “The Bathsheba Deadline.” Engelhard is the recipient of the Ben Hecht Award for Literary Excellence. Website: www.jackengelhard.com