Too Much Information
Too Much Information

Yes, too much information, if you ask me. That’s why every single red-blooded American is watching West Virginia versus Kentucky.

Hey, it’s March Madness. That’s college basketball, to my relatives in Israel who mistakenly think that America is talking about Israel.

Not the case. Americans have other pursuits and can only absorb so much. Today we are being asked to learn how to spell Houthis – as in “Iran-backed Houthis” who are devouring Yemen. Are you kidding? Where is Yemen, by the way, and how did they sneak into the news? Last week there was no Yemen.

Who’s got the scorecard and who’s keeping score? Now it’s the Sunnis versus the Shiites. Can they tell themselves apart? We can’t.

Frankly, we don’t care. That’s what I keep telling my mishpacha in Israel. Relax. It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about pleasing us all the time. We are on your side. Do whatever it takes to defend the Jewish God-given Land. Make no concessions. Build, build, build. Some good old-fashioned chutzpah is what we expect – and make sure to give Bibi the message. He had us and won us on “no two-state solution.” No backtracking!

America loves Israel. Don’t believe everything you read and never mind people like J-Street, that slimy crowd of lefty delinquents.
Remind him that’s it’s March Madness. Even Obama is watching. We don’t know who he’s rooting for – but it ain’t Israel, that’s for sure, although we hear that Israel has some pretty good basketball teams and maybe that’s the way to win him over, Obama, our president, the President of the United States, who has taken upon himself the Samson Option.

Some other time I will explain what I mean by this. For now, it’s enough to say that he simply does not care about his legacy. He does not care what America thinks of him and he certainly does not care what Israel thinks of him, which brings me to my next point about too much information.

Honest, we were getting quite comfortable around here when it was all about the Arab-Israeli conflict. What happened to this? This, we knew.

America needs an explanation. Please, what the heck happened to the Arab-Israeli conflict? Seems to have disappeared. Poof. Gone.

Now it’s Arabs against Arabs and we are totally confused and we do not know whose side to take. We don’t know the good guys from the bad guys. Can they all be good? I straightened all this out in this five-star book that you should read while there’s still time. Can they all be bad?

We don’t even know the teams or the players. Explain it to us, please, it terms we can understand, like West Virginia versus Kentucky.

So now that “the Iran-backed Houthis” have entered our language, who are the other guys? Iran, those are Shiites, right? As for the Sunnis…

Never mind. Really, never mind. That’s what I mean. Too much. We know too much which means we know nothing.

But how is it that Egypt and Saudi Arabia are on the same side, more or less, with Israel? Hmmm?

That totally confounds everything we thought we knew about the Middle East. Worse, our cherished opinions are now utterly dashed and undone.

We knew exactly what to say when the subject came up about the good old reliable Arab-Israeli conflict and now? Now we’re stuck with this…

Now it’s the Obama-Israeli conflict. Oh yes it is and it has nothing to do with the United States. The rest of us want no part of this dispute. America loves Israel. This one is strictly personal between Obama and the Jewish State. Remind me not to say that Obama is peculiar about the Jewish State because it is Jewish.

I will say it again. America loves Israel. Don’t believe everything you read and never mind people like J-Street, that slimy crowd of lefty delinquents.

Those people don’t count. They are not real Americans. They don’t watch NASCAR and they don’t watch football or baseball. They are tenured sissies.

But the rest of America – we’re glued to the big game and we desire no further information on what’s really going on in the world.

March Madness is going on and the message to Israel is this – quit apologizing, quit explaining. Don’t retreat. Expand!

America loves a winner. That’s how we keep score. Act like one.

Jack Engelhard writes a regular column for Arutz Sheva. The new thriller from the New York-based novelist, The Bathsheba Deadline, a heroic editor’s singlehanded war on terror and against media bias. Engelhard wrote the int’l bestseller Indecent Proposal that was translated into more than 22 languages and turned into a Paramount motion picture starring Robert Redford and Demi Moore. Website: