During a late-night press conference following the death of Colleyville, Texas synagogue terrorist Malik Faisal Akram, FBI Agent Matthew DeSarno would not provide any details of the hostage-taker’s motivation.
Other than stating that the attack “was not specifically related to the Jewish community.” The crackerjack G-man added that “We will continue to work to find motives….”
Merely because the FBI did not immediately ascribe the attack in a Jewish Temple to antisemitism, far-right, extremist commentators attacked the Bureau.
I’m talking about the same wacko pundits who claim that the American economy is lousy, despite Joe Biden’s assurance that the economy is in sound shape.
Why can’t these morons understand that an economy with eight-dollar a gallon gas, and blueberries running eight dollars a pint (when you can find them), isn’t the end of the world. At least for those of us who bike to work and are trying to gain weight by cutting down on fruits and vegetables.
But I digress. Getting back to the FBI, Sean Davis, co-founder of The Federalist,tweeted that the Bureau “is an irreparably corrupt and broken agency that needs to be defunded and eliminated.”
Even worse, former Trump Administration official and talk-show host Sebastian Gorka tweeted that the FBI is a “joke.” Ouch.
I am here to tell you definitively that, whatever else may be said about the current situation at the FBI, it is no “joke.”
Fortunately, I have inside sources at the Bureau. Therefore, I can now reveal the facts upon which Agent DeSarno based his assessment. These facts will rebut all the wrong-headed criticism that has targeted the house that J. Edgar Hoover built.
In short, the FBI has learned that, when the terrorist Akram, a British citizen, traveled thousands of miles to Texas, his actual intent was to visit the site of the Kennedy assassination in Dallas. Tragically, Akram’s tour bus took a wrong turn somewhere.
That’s how Akram wound up in Colleyville. Understandably, this upset him.
So, as revenge for the inconvenience, he decided to take hostages and demand the release of a political prisoner being held somewhere. Really, anywhere.
But so many political prisoners are in jail, and there is so little time. Thus, Akram performed a random Google search, and, wouldn’t you know, the first political prisoner who came up was a Pakistani Islamist extremist who happened to be incarcerated in nearby Fort Worth.
Akram then decided that the Colleyville, Walmart would be the site where he would strike. Where better to find a lot of people on a Saturday morning? It never even occurred to him that a synagogue might have people in it at that time.
Akram rented a car. Disastrously, though, he forgot to wear his eyeglasses. Because the façade of the Colleyville Reform Temple was the same color as that of the Walmart store, he mistook the one for the other. That, and the fact that the synagogue had a rather large parking lot.
By the time he got inside and asked the Rabbi where the ammo section was, it was too late. His rental car was nearly out of fuel, and he didn’t have enough money to refill it, what with the aforementioned high price of gas. Only then did he decide, purely by necessity, to take hostages at the synagogue.
There you have it. The terrorist was not motivated whatsoever to attack Jews.
If you don’t believe that, I feel sorry for you. You probably also don’t believe that climate change is going to end civilization as we know it in 12 years, that Covid-19 is a grave danger to most children’s lives, and that Joe Biden is the most honest politician since Honest Abe himself.
What can I do? Some people are just deniers.
Marc Berman writes on politics, law, culture, and religion. He can be reached at [email protected]. He is also a chazzan (cantor) whose latest recording, a rendition of the tuneful Yiddish classic “Vu Iz Dos Gesele” can be found here