The tragic story of Chaim Walder is really not about him at all! It’s more about the victims. How many lives destroyed by the loss of innocence, not only to those he perpetuated unspeakable relations with, but to his own wife and children, victims as well.
To explain, not to explain, to all those children to whom his name and stories were so much a party of their education and culture? Here was a Rabbi who really understood kids and gave them a voice...and suddenly he has become the villain!
How could that be? Yes, how could that be and nobody noticed? Nobody knew anything? No hints, no clues? Oh no, this doesn’t happen in our community!
Those platitudes are no longer valid because it happens in every community and in every socioeconomic bracket as well. Kids are so much more vulnerable today, as fewer and fewer have their parents around much. Today most families have two parents working and keeping a home up and running leaves much less time to chat with our children and truly keep our finger on the pulse.
Was asked recently, if this a new phenomenon as more and more rabbis are being exposed, or was it always an issue, just spoken of much less?
From my work as a healer, clinical social worker, I can tell you, that much of the trauma I have been seeing in clients, comes from inappropriate sexual misconduct.
And it stays with them and seriously affects their self esteem and their ability to trust. Understandably so. And so many victims just suffer in silence. Holding onto this secret as though in some way they were responsible. Tragic, but true.
Victims are often made to feel that somehow they initiated these situations but nothing can be further from the truth. The fear, the shame and the question of whether they will be believed is why most victims don’t come forth. They just suffer quietly while a part of themselves simply dies.
When these situations are exposed, too often justice is not served. The perpetrator moves away to find and groom other victims. This sickness is not easily overcome.
And the Malka Laufer case is a stunning example of how the “system” works. Over 10 years to have her extradited, for over SEVENTY alleged cases of abuse! This is scandalous.
I remember once being asked by a prominent lawyer whether I thought someone could be frum (his word) and evil. My immediate answer was obviously negative.
He considered my answer naive and explained the circumstances and I truly was aghast. How could a person be G-dly and not? Well now we have the answer.
Rabbi, nice family, prays three times a day with a minyan, eats only strictly kosher and then allegedly commits adultery and worse!
True the media tried him, but if he was truly innocent as he claimed, I think he would have tried to clear his name, if not for himself, for his family. Also the number of accusers makes it difficult to deny. Yet at his funeral, attended by many, his actions seemed less significant than the image of the man these people want hang onto. We see this delusion with another infamous rabbi who admitted to very severe crimes and his followers swear up and down he is innocent.
How is it possible? Cognitive dissonance.
The brain can’t deal with the truth but the heart knows better. The heart too has a brain!
To the victims, G-D is the true Judge.