No parking on the grass
No parking on the grassiStock

Following Austria's discovery of what may be praised as the simplest and most cost-effective solution to a continental problem that has vexed European leaders, Israel is urged to follow their example and post signs at various venues that have in the past been the focus of nationalistic and societal tensions.

According to the new recommendations, which should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, for an infinitesimal fraction of Israel's defense budget the Defense Ministry should now post prominent signs on the Lebanon border in sight of Hezbollah forward observers that clearly and unabashedly say "NO MISSILES."

Companies producing anti-car-theft systems are violently opposing the new recommendations that replace the old cumbersome alarms and antennas with a windshield sticker that says "NO STEALING."

The Culture Ministry is to distribute preemptive posters in art schools ahead of the new year that say "NO PAINTINGS OF BIBI WITH NOOSES."

The Gaza border is to be lined with signs every 300 meters that say "NO TUNNELS."

The police department can now be scrapped altogether and instead we will put up signs that say "NO BAD GUYS."

Husbands are to be distributed decals to hang throughout the house that say "NO NAGGING" while wives will receive the "NO OBLIVIOUSNESS" series.

Signs will be hung in the Knesset that say "NO STUPIDITY."

Sarcastic reductio ad absurdum aside, the question should be asked how it is that responsible European community leaders, people with a tradition that has in the past built and maintained productive civilizations in the face of attackers and foes, could seriously entertain the thought that signs, bracelets, and appeals to humanity will deter a masculine society in advanced stages of the march for world domination.

Well, why don't we put up "no tunnels" signs on the Gaza border? Obviously, because signs don't work. Why then do the Austrians think they might? Because the alternate realization is too horrifying for them to contemplate, namely, that it is too early to consider humanity as "all one," that there is such thing as a national "other," and that good and evil do exist and consequently so do reward and punishment. Toppling this conceptual domino would collapse the entire phantom edifice upon which modern Western civilization rests. And with this "ideology" they send their sons forth to go fight the armies of Islam. Sad.