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Israeli Humor: Laughing About the War

By Tamar Yonah
7/9/2014, 2:31 PM

Of course, it had to happen, Israelis are already coming up with jokes about 'the situation'.

Unfortunately, they are all in Hebrew, and it does not make sense when translated into English, and so I can't really post them here as it would not make a non-Hebrew speaker laugh.  For example, 'Operation' in English can mean 'surgery', or a 'military action'.  In Hebrew, the word operation or 'mivtza' can mean a military action OR a 'discount sale'.  Now you can let your mind go to the outer limits on the jokes coming out from this war situation here.

Two of the jokes translated from the Hebrew, and therefore NOT funny anymore:

1) A Siren was heard in Bnei Brak, all the people there are scared (Charedim).

2) People in Tel Aviv got hurt from shrapnel when the missiles burst their bubble.

Ok, see?  I told you that you wouldn't laugh. But in Hebrew, they ARE funny.  I've got a lot more, but won't waste time posting them in translation.

In addition to jokes to break the tension here, I just received this in my inbox from a dear friend in Ashkelon where my parents have an apartment and I often go because it is so beautiful.  Enjoy.

Ashkelon Tamar Yonah  (View of Delilah Beach)

From:  Mr. Ashkelon  www.mrashkelon.com

To my dear family and friends in J'lem, TA, Haifa, Kafar Saba, Beitar IIlit, Binyamina,, Ramot, Ashdod, and all the other towns and cities in Israel. So sorry to hear of your disturbances last evening. Apparently, many of you reverted to panic and have little experience of what to do when the rockets start falling.

You have so generously previously offered us shelter when we have been under attack and now the good people of Ashkelon and other local southern communities want to return the favour as your towns and cities are now under fire.

Ashkelon has some unique benefits that should be attractive to you:

1 Almost all of our apartments have their own secure room - no need to run down stairs to a damp and smelly miklat that is perhaps a bit moldy and packed with old furniture that you could not be bothered to throw out years ago.

2 We are much calmer here 'cause we are used to this type of situation and our calmness will help keep you and your kids nerves in check.

3 We have wonderful beaches, that remain open and empty so between attacks you can sunbath to you hearts content and your children can build sand castles, something to keep them busy.

Ashkelon beach Tamar Yonah

4 Plenty of rooms in the hotels - for some reason the regular tourists decided to vacation elsewhere (Did they go to Turkey?)

5 If you have an interest in plane spotting, you can watch any number of F16 & F15 fighter jets and Appatchi helicopters flying both North and South each and all day (A good game for the kids is to count the weapons on board when flying South and compare to the number of weapons still on board when returning North.

6 Unlimited Fireworks displays accompanied by big booms from the Iron Dome - awesome site - no charge for these displays - again great entertainment for the kids

So, in short, you kindly opened your homes to us during the past few years and we will be delighted to reciprocate so that you have a have a a calmer and more restful experience in our beautiful beach town, uniquely equipped and experienced in helping you at times like these,

sent to you by Motti, tongue in cheek, and wishing all of you and our brave IDF a safe and speedy return to normality. May God deliver the enemy into our hands and shut the f***ers up once and for all.

(If anyone has taken offence to this message, I unreservedly am sorry for your lack of humur). We Jews have always softened our pain with a little lightheartedness) IT HELPS!