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      Tamar Yonah is one of Israel's most popular English-speaking radio show hosts. She made Aliyah from Southern California and after serving in the Israeli army began a prolific career in radio, including production, news and program development. She was the original creator and producer of 'The Aliyah Show' and still works whenever she can in that field. Tamar is a political activist, wife and mother residing in Judea and Samaria and currently hosts the top-rated shows of The Weekend Edition & The Tamar Yonah Show. Her award winning blog covers current events, religion, politics and anything else that's on her mind.

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      Av 9, 5771, 8/9/2011

      Killing Yourself

      by Tamar Yonah

       

       
      It is said that each day that we do not have the Holy Temple, it is because we are committing the same sin of Sinat Chinam (Baseless Hatred) that our ancestors did, all the way down through our grandfather's and father's generations, and now to us.  So the question is, when will it stop?  When will we finally get our act together?  Somewhere down the line, ONE of the generations is going to have to make this tikkun, or 'fixing', of this sin of sinat chinam, baseless hated.  So why shouldn't it be us?  What are we waiting for?  How much longer do we have to be without our Holy Temple?  How much longer will we be sitting on the ground and fasting for something that we can do and have?
       
      Part of the cure of hating our neighbor, or fighting with our family members, or despising a group of people with different solutions for solving the problems of the world, is ....to kill ourselves.  And when I say 'kill ourselves' what I mean is killing that ego that belongs only to us, so that we can be more humble, apologize, or just 'suck it up' even if we are in the 'right', in order to make peace between brothers.  After all, it is our ego, our pride, honor and self righteousness that many times holds us back from moving forward, which keeps internal wars with family, co-workers or neighbors, ablaze.  
       
      I am dealing with someone semi-close to me that has been making - in my eyes - unreasonable demands on me, without taking any responsibility for the trouble they brought on themselves, and expects me - since I was willing to help, to be grateful to them because -in their eyes- they are leaving some of their belongings to me, that I never asked for or wanted.  Long story, but in the first few emails to this person, I 'corrected' their view of the facts, in which they in turn -in their eyes' corrected the facts I listed and expected me to say thank you to them.  This went on for three emails back and forth, when I just threw up my hands and decided to 'kill myself', my ego.  I just said to myself, learn how to lie down flat on the floor and make yourself a 'shmata', a rag, and just don't stand up for your sense of what the facts were with this person, and just make peace already in this relationship.  It's just not worth the strife that it makes in the nation of Israel.  So I wrote this person back and I said 'thank you', and that I appreciated all they had done.  
      Let me tell you all something.  It killed me to do it.  Because I know I am right. heh heh   But whether or not I am really right or not, I 'killed' my kavod (honor), and I just graciously let it go, for making peace in Am Yisrael, the nation of Israel.  I have done this a few times before, 'killing' my pride, my 'honor' and ego.  I must add, it gets easier each time.  Learning to 'lie down like a rug', when warrented, can bring peace.  Does it really matter who is right ALL the time? Especially when it is a matter of perspective and what could be loving relationships? Learning to 'suck it up' for Am Yisrael, is a hard thing to do, sometimes even personally humiliating.  But I love Israel more, and I want to do right by it, and if it means taking the blows to help rebuild our Holy Temple so ALL OF US can enjoy true peace, then I will do it.  
      Again, it's hard to open oneself up and make oneself vulnerable.  It's hard to make peace with people we may not even like, like a family member or co-worker or neighbor, or whatever,,,, but this is what has to be done, and some generation has to do it, so why not us?  WHY NOT US?  Let's just get it over with already.  We know it's gonna hurt.  We know whichever generation does it, it's gonna be painful for them, so why not let us just open our arms, pull out our chests, present our egos to G-d and say goodbye to them in order to make peace and just do this tikkun?  "Here I am, G-d!  Take away this extra pride and ego from me that I don't need. I am ready, I know it may hurt, but I am ready to lie down and take it, for the well being of my nation, to rebuild the Temple, and to make the world a more peaceful place with my fellow man." Someone's gotta do it.  Why not us?  Enough already!!!!  WE WANT MOSHIACH NOW!