This Year Make Your Passover Seder a Multi-Galactic One

Arutz 7 Analysts,

לבן ריק
לבן ריק
צילום: ערוץ 7
Arutz 7 Analysts
Insightful and analytical, passionate and authentic, with biting wit and masterful writing - our bloggers are a source of crystal clarity in this time of confusion.

Rabbis John, Paul, George and Ringo, the four greatest sages
Important Passover Message from Mikey Lerner and the Entire Staff of Tikkun Magazine, the Jewish New Age pro-LSD Magazine:

A few years back, Tikkun's Rabbi Arthur Woodstock issued a call to make it a multicultural Passover Seder that year: in other words, a mix of Judaism and PC paganism.
 
 
Rabbi Woodstock, above
 
Well, this year Tikkun magazine has issued a new call for all Jews: You all should make yours a Multi-Galactic Seder!!!!
 
Yes, this is the year to invite assorted beings from other planets to your spacy politically-correct Seder, to prove your devotion to multi-galactic understanding and stamping out speciesism along with SUVs. The guests will join in and participate in the many traditional Tikkunesque Passover traditions.
 
First, the Seder begins with the washing of the hands, or, in the case of visitors from Vulcan, the tentacles. Then the guests dine on lamb's legs made from vegan tofu. The Seder ends with the munching of traditional holiday Tikkun macaroons, made out of matzos flour and hashish. Served on recyclable dinner bowls.
 
Now to help make your Tikkun Passover multi-galactic Seder complete, "Rabbis" Arthur Woodstock and Michael of Meaning have rewritten the Passover song "Who knows One?"
 
 
Here is how the new version will go:
 
Who knows One? I know One!
One is the greatest rabbi of all time, the Rebbe Jerry Garcia, Shlita.
 
Who knows Two? I know Two!
Two is Rabbi Cheech and Rabbi Chong, who seem to write most of the articles for Tikkun magazine. (Alternative version - Two is Two States for Two Peoples: the Jordanian "people" and the Palestinian "people.")
 
Who knows Three? I know Three!
Three is the number of square meters Israel should be left with after adopting policies advocated by Tikkun.
 
Who knows Four? I know Four!
Four is the greatest sages of Torah learning of all time, according to Tikkun: Rabbis John, Paul, George and Ringo.
 
Who knows Five? I know Five!
Five is the five genders officially proclaimed by Hillary (back when Lerner was her temporary guru of Meaning) at the International Wymmyn's Conference in Beijing, fully endorsed by Tikkun.
 
Who knows Six? I know Six!
Six is the SIX-TIES, my Heavy Tikkun Dude!
 
Who knows Seven? I know Seven!
Seven is the seven basic nutritional groups required to make you a happy and healthy progressive, namely: cannabis, marijuana, hashish, pot, weed, grass, and dope.
 
Who knows Eight? I know Eight!
Eight is the number of people who really read Tikkun magazine.
 
Who knows nine? I know nine!
Nine is the number of people on earth who actually regard Mikey Lerner as a rabbi.
 
Who knows ten? I know ten!
Ten is the median IQ score for Tikkun readers.
 
Who knows eleven? I know eleven!
Eleven is the number of the Eleventh Commandment: "Thou Shalt Be Trendy!"
 
Who knows twelve? I know twelve!
Twelve is the number of times Michael Lerner can say "loving and caring" in one minute (the fewest number of times, that is).
 
Who knows thirteen? I know thirteen!
Thirteen is the number of sentences from the entire Bible that Tikkun editors have actually read.
Michael of Meaning, Rabbi Moonbeam, above