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Obstacle to Peace

By Tzvi Fishman
1/10/2008, 12:00 AM
“Where the hell are the settlements?” President Bush asked this morning during his drive through the West Bank to Ramallah.

“You can’t see them because of the foggy weather,” Condolisa Rice answered.

“Don’t feed me that crap!” the President responded irritably. “All of the time, you State Department people are badgering me about the settlements. Well, where the hell are they? There’s nothing but rocks  and empty hills out here.”

“There’s a settlement,” the driver said, pointing to a large hillside village cluttered with mosques.

“Settlement my ass,” the President responded. “I suppose those mosques are synagogues. And don’t tell that those shepherds are Jewish settlers. If I am out here already, I want to see a Jewish settlement. Ever since we left Jerusalem, I’ve seen nothing but deserted land and a few donkeys and sheep. I want to know what the hell all the fuss is about!”

“We are coming to an illegal outpost now,” said the CIA agent accompanying the President.

The long caravan of cars and secuity vehicles turned toward Ramallah at the “T” Junction. Just to the side of the road was a tiny cluster of caravans.

“Slow down,” the President ordered. Intently he stared out the window. “Why it’s nothing but a needle in a haystack!” he declared.

“But Jews live there,” Condolisa Rice answered.

“So what?” the President said. “Who cares? They aren’t bothering anyone. No on lives within miles of here!”
"Who cares if some Jews are living there?"

The Secretary of State leaned over and whispered in the President’s ear. “If the Jews have returned to Biblical Israel to live here forever, it means they really are the Chosen People, and that Christianity is one big lie. America is a Christian country. Now do you understand?”

“I understand that all of these illegal Jewish settlements and outposts must be torn down immediately, that’s for sure,” the President answered. “They are an obstacle to peace and must be dismantled now!”