NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-gebra is a problem for us,' Gonzales said. 'They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.'

(I didn't write this, it was sent to me in an email, and it has probably made its rounds to your inbox as well.  But it's still funny, so I thought I would just post it to bring a smile to your faces. 

Here's an additional email sent to me, I don't know who to credit for it. 

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?   
  ..............................................................
 
THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's Answer :

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.  
...................................................................................................
 
 Republican's Answer:


   BANG!
  .................................................................................................


  Southerner's Answer:

 BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

Daughter:   "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! "
Son:          "Can I shoot the next one!"
Wife:         "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

(I have disabled the COMMENTS for this latest post, there's no need for any talk-backs, so don't leave a comment.  Just enjoy.)