Cain was a Patsy!

Arutz 7 Analysts,

לבן ריק
לבן ריק
צילום: ערוץ 7
Arutz 7 Analysts
Insightful and analytical, passionate and authentic, with biting wit and masterful writing - our bloggers are a source of crystal clarity in this time of confusion.

There are numerous inconsistencies in the official report in Genesis!!

Obviously doctored scene taken from Genesis surveillance tape!

We have received incredible breaking news.

A team of people claiming to be investigative reporters based in Florida, Ohio, and Jeruslem have announced that they have discovered that Cain was a patsy and that he did not in fact murder Abel.

Numerous pieces of evidence have been brought together in order to derive this conclusion, they insist.  And the inconsistencies in the official report in Genesis about the developments on the day of the assassination must mean that Cain was innocent and had been set up as a patsy by a nefarious conspiracy.

First, they insist, Cain did not in fact stab Abel with an actual knife but rather used a fake rubber knife from a gimmick shop that was picked up in Chinatown.  That explains why there were reports that a passerby down the road was thought to have yelled "Rubber Knife!  Rubber Knife!"

Second, in the surveillance tapes near the exit from the Garden of Eden, Cain's arm appears to be unnaturally long, suggesting some sort of conspiracy was at play.

Third, the very fact that Cain admitted that he murdered Abel when questioned about it proves that he was set up and a victim of a conspiracy.  The fact that Cain later continued to plead guilty and that everyone else in his family agreed that he was guilty just shows how broad the real conspiracy was!  You see, Abel - even after being elected - may have been having second thoughts about his own policies regarding sacrifices and a sinister conspiracy wanted to prevent Abel from changing the menu.  So Cain was a convenient scapegoat.

There are so many inconsistencies in the official report of the Abel murder, insist the investigators and promoters of the Alternative Theory of the Abel Assassination, the one that challenges the accuracy of the report in Genesis.

Why didn't anyone call 911 or even 101 to get emergency medical help?  Why was the palm tree near Cain seen in the surveillance tape as having branches that moved strangely and in an unexplained manner?   And just how many wounds did Abel have?  Initial reports said 12 stab wounds, and later it was claimed in the official commission of investigation that there were  only 11!  But what about the unexplained extra hole in Abel's shirt, cleverly disguised to look like a cigarette burn?  And why did Eve not try to give Abel CPR (not to be confused with CFR!)?  What exactly was Eve REALLY doing when the murder took place?  And how come we have not been shown all the CAT scan images of Abel's corpse?

Meanwhile, several self-proclaimed "journalists" are demanding that Abel's complete set of medical records be published at once.  They also claim that the surveillance tapes near the Garden of Eden exit have been doctored to make it appear that Cain was the murderer.  A popular singer has just come out in favor of releasing Cain from prison so that the real murderer can be identitified.  The conspiracy theorists claim that anyone who rejects their arguments about Cain's innocence must be a paid agent of the forces of darkness and the Council on Foreign Relations.

We will keep you updated on all new developments in this major breaking story!