The Sunday Funnies

PERIDOT,

לבן ריק
לבן ריק
צילום: ערוץ 7
PERIDOT
PERIDOT is an American writer living abroad.

Prime Minister Netanyahu was in Paris today where he met with President Macron at the Elysee Palace over the Trump blast.  Following their meeting, in a joint press conference the Prime Minister recognized Paris as the capital of France, and had this to say to the EU: “Don’t you have your own capitals and ‘eternal city’?  Israel can’t help it that one of your member states left Jerusalem in a hurry in 1948 and forgot to take Rome’s valuables.  In any case, Israel recognizes Berlin as the undivided capital of Germany, Vienna as the undivided capital of Austria, and Germany as the undivided country of Germany.”

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On Wednesday, America became the first nation to officially recognize Israel’s capital Jerusalem, making world headlines.  Muslims across the Arab world responded with angry protests and violence, which also made world headlines - apparently this too was a first.

Prior to the Trump blast on Wednesday, Pope Francis commented that the “status-quo” of Jerusalem must be respected.  Israel responded by writing Pope Francis a letter: “Dear Pope Francis, Israel respects your eternal city’, and would not wish to see it divided - please respect ours.”

Summits and Support Groups

United Nations this week formed a support group for grieving nations, otherwise known as a summit, and appointed Pope Francis as Grief Counselor.  He opened the session by allowing all the members to openly express their anger and upset over President Trump’s decision on Jerusalem.  A small discussion followed:

Pope Francis: “Now, that was cathartic, does everyone feel a little better having expressed your feelings? I noticed a few tears.”

Indonesia: “Pope Francis, can’t you use your connections to do something?”

Pope Francis: “I’m afraid they all favor Jerusalem, something about what Rome did 2,000 years ago and has blamed it all on Israel ever since.  Anyway, I know it’s like losing a relative you never had, but feel so close to. However, the good news is that you are already at the second stage of the grieving process, anger.  In closing our session, let’s all have a quiet group hug, and pray for the PLO who is so upset they cancelled Christmas.”

Gifts and Songs

UAE Foreign Minister said President Trump’s decision was a “gift to radicalism,” which sparked an angry response from ISIL who immediately claimed responsibility and said, “Just a minute here, we sent that gift.”

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UN Security Council held an emergency meeting on Friday where member states (less one) blamed President Trump for Israel having a capital, while others sang an old song, “Russian Collusion!”

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Istanbul too sang a little song of protest, “Israel, Israel, give us your capital Jerusalem,” which raised feelings of indignation from Athens, “You can’t have three capitals - you already stole Constantinople!”

Romantic Conversations

Hamas: “It’s your fault Jerusalem is Israel’s capital!”

Abbas: “No, it’s your fault!”

Hamas: “I told you the last time we were at the zoo to stop poking the Lion in the eye!”