Fishman Splits for LA

Last night, my former agent called from Hollywood. He found me a gig writing a new TV sit-com, temporarily called “Susie the Hairdresser.” I get a guaranteed 3 million dollars, spread over three years, even if the show never gets on the air. So I’m moving back to LA.

I’ve already told Baruch Gordon that he can have his job back. Why should I work at Arutz 7 for 2000 bucks a months, when I can earn a million a year? Plus, Mike is right - living in Israel is dangerous.

To tell you the truth, there are a lot of advantages in living in the States. For one thing, my kids won’t have to go into the army. Why should they? I’m an American citizen. Why should they have to put their lives on the line for Israel? And the Jewish Day School in LA is one of the best, with discounts on family golf and tennis memberships. True, the Federation swimming pool is mixed, but I just won’t look at the women, and I’ll tell my boys the same.

I’ve promised my wife that we’ll move back to Israel when the Israelis get their act together, when there is peace, when the country is ruled by a Torah government, when you can make as much money as you can in the States, and when Moshiach comes, may it be soon. In the meantime, I’ll do my share in rebuilding the Jewish Homeland by clicking onto Arutz 7 and sending in hard-hitting talkbacks. And I’ll be sure to send a check now and then to the suckers I’m leaving behind.

So, things have come full circle. Good-bye Holy Land. Hello Hollywood. I’m not ashamed. There is a lot of important work to be done in the Diaspora, like making sure the local Jewish Little League has all the equipment it needs, and maybe I’ll open a Kabbalah Nightclub on Sunset Strip to keep my hand in kiruv.

So long INN. Thanks for all the good times. I’ll miss the Kotel, but the shul we’ll be joining has a wall with styrofoam Western Wall boulders that look just like the real thing. I suppose I’ll miss G-d too, but friends back in LA assure me that I’ll get over that feeling in no time. 

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Hotel California

Hotel California

Gordon Quits INN - Fishman Takes Over

In a surprise announcement late night, Baruch Gordon, head of the English Media desk at Arutz 7, handed in his resignation. Yaacov Katz (Ketzila) Director of Beit El Institutes, including Arutz 7, immediately appointed controvrsial blogger Tzvi Fishman to take over the position. "I m hoping Tzvi will revamp the whole site and give INN some needed new punch," Katz said. Fishman announced that his first move will be to cancel the talkback sections on the site. In addition, the name INN will be changed to ISN, IsraelSexualityNews. In the wake of the unexpected development, Hillel Fendel, INN News Editor, stated that he will be quitting also.

New ISN Chief, Tzvi Fishman

Arutz 7 Axes Fishman

Well the lot has finally fallen, no doubt because of the many protest emails that INN’s Baruch Gordon has been receiving. In a way I’m glad. Now I can concentrate on things in Israel and let someone else try to rescue the Virtual Jews in Cyberspace.

Here is the letter I received from Mr. Gordon, the Director of English Media for Arutz 7.

Dear Tzvi,

Arutz 7 greatly appreciates the fine and provocative writing that you have been doing for us for over a year. In an effort to constantly be adding new faces and opinions, we are replacing longtime bloggers with new ones. Please try to sum up by the end of the week when we will be ending your blog. Believe me that our decision has not been influenced, in any shape or form, by donor threats or complaints about censorship and incitement, but solely to present creative new voices to our readers.

Respectfully,
Baruch Gordon

So that’s the way it goes. All’s well that ends well. Everything is for the best. As the great Jewish entertainer, Bob Hope, was wont to say, "Thanks for the memories." In the meantime, Purim Samaoch!

Who's next?

The Lesson of Purim

What brought about the decree of Haman against the Jews? It was their craving to be accepted as full-fledged citizens of Persia rather than return to the Holy Land to rebuild Jewish life in Israel.

In the year 3391, the Persian king, Cyrus, ordered the reconstruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Led by the prophet, Ezra, a small number of Jews returned to Israel to begin the rebuilding. The vast majority, including the aristocracy, were unwilling to give up their businesses and positions of honor in the Persian community. This was highlighted by their participation in the great feast of Achashverus, who rose to the throne in the 3392, and immediately halted the reconstruction of the Temple. Against Mordechai’s warnings, the Jews of Shushan flocked to take part in the gentile celebration, to raise toasts (with kosher wine) to the gentile king, and to regale along with the gentiles at what was to be a bawdy, immoral, wife-swapping burlesque (“Me’am Lo’ez,” Esther, Ch. 1 and 2). Even when Achashverus bought out the sacred Temple vessels, they didn’t leave the party.

The Divine wrath and the decree of Haman were soon to follow.

Remind you of anything?  

In the Diaspora - it's Purim every day