Bagels and Beverly Hills

A Jew who comes on aliyah to Israel today has all kinds of organizations to assist him. There is Nefesh B’Nefesh, the Jewish Agency, Tehilla, and groups such as Americans and Canadians in Israel, the British Olim Society, and the like. Plus the Government of Israel offers tax breaks, subsidies, and other incentives. But the main help, of course, comes from G-d, as He promises in this week’s Torah portion:

"For the L-rd thy G-d brings thee into a good Land, a Land of water courses, of fountains and depths that spring out of valleys and hills; a Land of wheat, and barley, and vineyards, and fig trees, and pomegranates; a Land of olive oil, and honey; a Land where thou shall eat bread without scarceness, thou shall not lack anything in it” (Devarim, 8:7-9).

No organization can give you a better guarantee then that!
Even if a Jewish astronaut were to eat a pastrami sandwich on the moon, he would still thank G-d for the pastrami sandwich and the Land of Israel.

The verse which follows immediately after this Divine insurance policy is one of the 613 commandments of the Torah: “When thou hast eaten and are satisfied, then thou shall bless the L-rd thy G-d for the good Land that he has given thee” (Devarim, 8:10).

This is what is called the “Birchat HaMazone,” the Blessing after Meals. After finishing a meal in which we ate bread, we are to thank G-d for the food and for the Land which He has given us, as we say, “Blessed are Thou, O L-rd, for the Land and the sustenance.”

Thus, if we live in Paris, we say, “Blessed are Thou for the land of France and the sustenance.”

If we live in Beverly Hills, we say, “Blessed are Thou for the land of America and the sustenance.”

Or if we are in Toronto we say, “Blessed are Thou for the land of Canada and the sustenance.”

"Blessed art Thou for America and for the bagel."

Wait a minute! That isn’t right. Wherever we are on the globe, we say, “Blessed are thou, O L-rd, for the Land and the sustenance,” where the meaning of “the Land” is the Land of Israel.

Even if a Jewish astronaut were to eat a pastrami sandwich on the moon, he would still thank G-d for the pastrami sandwich and the Land of Israel.

"Blessed art Thou for the Land of Israel"

How can it be that a Jew on the moon, or in a bagel café in Beverly Hills, or in some expensive kosher restaurant in Paris, should thank G-d for the food which he ate and for Land of Israel? What’s the connection between the Land of Israel and a bagel or a baguette? We can readily understand why a Jew living in Israel would be called upon to thank G-d for the Land of Israel, since he is living there. But why should a Jew in France or Canada thank G-d for the Land of Israel after he eats? That, my good friends, is the question.

There are several facets to the answer. First, we thank G-d for the Land of Israel because a Jew is supposed to be living in the Land of Israel, and not in France or Canada. The sad fact that there are Jews living outside of the Land is in punishment for the sins of our past. When we were cast into exile a long time ago, our Rabbis decreed that we should continue to practice the mitzvot, even though G-d gave them to us to observe in Eretz Yisrael. This was in order to make sure that we wouldn’t forget how to do them during our long absence from our Land, as Rashi teaches in this week’s Torah portion: “Even though I am exiling you from Eretz Yisrael to outside of the Land, distinguish yourselves with the commandments, so that when you return, they will not seem new in your eyes (Rashi, Devarim, 11:18; Sifre, Ekev, 11:18. See also Ramban on the Torah, there). Rashi explains with a parable: “This is like a king who became angry at his wife and sent her back to her father’s house. He said to her, ‘Wear your jewelry so it won’t seem new to you when you return to the palace.’ Thus the Blessed One Holy Be He says to Israel, ‘My sons, distinguish yourselves with the precepts so that when you return, they won’t be new to you.’ This is what the prophet, Jeremiah, meant when he said, ‘Set up way marks for yourself, make yourself signposts” (Jeremiah, 31:20). These are the mitzvot which the People of Israel are commanded to do” (Rashi, loc cited).

Included in the mitzvot that we are to do wherever we are on the globe is the mitzvah of grace after meals. Even though we have been temporarily uprooted from our home in Israel, we are to continue to thank G-d for the food and for the Land of Israel, the one and only place that we are really supposed to live.

A further reason why we thank G-d for Eretz Yisrael and not America is because the commandment states, “When thou hast eaten and are satisfied, then thou shall bless the L-rd thy G-d for the good Land that he has given thee” (Devarim, 8:10).  G-d didn’t give the Jews the land of America. G-d gave it to the Indians until the English/Americans came and slaughtered them all.

The other reason why we continue to thank G-d for the Land of Israel is to ingrain in our psyche the centrality of the Land of Israel to the Torah and to Jewish life. This is to make sure we don't mix things around and put our craving for bagels over our craving for the Land. Every time that we eat a meal, we are to repeat this understanding until it becomes like a mantra, implanting in our brains the eternal recognition that our one and only homeland, the place where we are to live out our lives, and the source of our physical and spiritual sustenance, is Eretz Yisrael - and not France, Canada, or the USA.

Today, when the decree of exile has lifted, and every Jew can simply hop on an airplane and come back home to Israel within a few hours, our days of schizophrenia are over. Finally, a Jew can eat his meal and fulfill the mitzvah in its intended wholeness,  so that when he says the grace after meals, he can say it where it was meant to be said, whether it be a bagel café on Dizengorf Street in Tel Aviv, or in a baguette shop on Rehov Yafo in Jerusalem: “Blessed art Thou, O L-rd, for the Land and for the sustenance.” Amen.

Just like the Bible says: "A Land that doesn't lack anything." In the picture, a contented new immigrant from France.

My Jerusalem Post Boycott

I'd feel a lot safer with the lions!

B.G. (Before Google)

Maariv - After the Scissors

My Untouchable Wife

A newly-wedded husband has written our jewishsexuality.com website, expressing his difficulty in not being able to touch and kiss his wife during her Niddah period. With the hope that he can benefit from the broad experience of our readers, I invite you to send in your comments and share your reactions with him. Since today is Tu B’Av, a day marking the national reunion of the tribes of Israel, and a day celebrating the holy bonds of marriage and love, we can add to the joy of the day by helping this troubled couple, and others, to see the heavenly blessing of Tarahat HaMishpachah.
Yes, kissing one’s wife goodbye in the morning is a wonderful thing, but at the expense of cutting oneself off from G-d?

QUERY:

I am a newly married man and I am struggling with not touching my wife (shomer negiah)  during her niddah (menstrual) period. You yourself quote on your jewishsexuality.com website the saying of the Rabbis: “Are the Torah's prohibitions not enough for you that you come to create new prohibitions for yourself?” Furthermore, it is stated, "Thou shalt not add or subtract any mitzvot." I would like to offer the thought that the entire book “Road to Purity” (“Derech Tahara” by Rabbi Modechai Eliahu) is adding additional mitzvot. I have read “Road to Purity” as well as “Daughter of Israel” and they have brought nothing but depression. Is not Shalom Bayit and a happy marriage more important then minhagim (customs) and fences?

I will agree that staying away from intercourse during Niddah is not such a hard thing to do and even logical. But being compeletly shomer negiah during niddah? Do you know how insane it was for us not to touch each other the first week of marriage? Is that normal or healthy? And now I find out that the day before she "could maybe" get her period, that we are also not allowed to touch, just in case! How can I not kiss my wife goodbye when I leave for work? Is that treating my wife with respect, to just say, "Ok, sis, see ya! Maybe I'll kiss you in 14 days!” Is that normal? You know what this causes? Severe guilt and depression on the part of my wife because, heaven forbid, she accidentally handed me a glass of water instead of setting it down on the table. And when she is stressed out and in need of my affection, can I not give her a back rub or a gentle kiss? No! Because, heaven forbid, it could lead to yadda yadda yadda. She cannot even uncover her hair in her own home because if I see it I could go crazy and make love to her, because I am nothing but a weak man and men are uncontrollable sex fiends that need fences around everything or they will commit rape. Is this a normal way of thinking?

As if I am some kind of monster

Please address these issues, as I don't think I can go 14 days treating my newlywed wife as a sister or cousin. I do not believe that she should be made to feel guilty for wanting to be close to her husband. You talk a lot about masturbation on your website. Some say that the ultimate cure is to get married so you won't have to masturbate or look at porn. Your wife is all you need. But nay, it is not so! For I am forbidden, according to “Road to Purity,” to merely gaze longingly at my wife during the period of niddah. Of course I could never go to a rabbi with such issues because the answer will just be "try harder" and that it's a sin to touch her during niddah.

RESPONSE:
First, in answer to your sincere and important letter, since you are obviously an observant and G-d fearing Jew, it is essential to understand our orientation to the commandments. While we do not always understand the reasons for the mitzvot that G-s has given to the Jewish People, we trust that they were all given to us for our spiritual and material well being.  We also believe that our Sages, in their great wisdom, have added certain fences, also for our good, in order to help keep us on the right path. Perhaps a person may be so solidly grounded in Torah that he does not personally need the enactments that are designed to keep a person from sin, but the majority of people do require such safety borders. Even great and holy people like Shimshon and King Shlomo fell from their exalted levels because they trusted in their own strength and holiness, believing that they could act against the warnings of the Torah and not fall into error. And even though they did so, in their way of thinking, to help the national interests of the Jewish People in Israel, and not for selfish, personal reasons, their disobedience to the will of G-d brought about their downfalls.

Thus it is important to approach the laws of Niddah like all of the other laws of the Torah and the enactments of our Sages, and know that they are for our own good. In the same way, we are happy to clean the whole house before Pesach, and wear tzitzit on hot summer days, and fast the whole day of Tisha B’Av, even though these things can be difficult and burdensome. Admittedly, when it comes to the period when we have to keep a certain physical distance from our wives because of the laws of Niddah, the matter is compounded because of the powerful emotional needs and sexual urges that are a natural part of marriage. But even then, we are to trust that the Sages of Jewish Law know what is best for us in maintaining our spiritual and physical well being. They are the doctors of the soul, and we do well to rely on them. The laws of Niddah are all based on the Written and Oral Torah, and the teachings of the Talmudic Sages, and are not the whims of this book or that.

Furthermore, when one learns the secrets of Torah, one understands that the “fences,” such as not touching one’s wife during her Niddah period, are not really fences at all. For instance, the holy Zohar explains that the spiritual impurity of Niddah is the severest of impurities, with the ability to “jump” to another person. One does not have to have intercourse with one’s wife during her Niddah period in order to be exposed to the spiritual impurity of Niddah – affectionate hugging and kissing can also expose a husband to this severe spiritual impurity. The tumah of Niddah is like a thick cloud of spiritual pollution, which blemishes a Jew’s holiness and acts as a barrier between a person and G-d, adversely affecting his prayers, Torah learning, and the entire gamut of Divine service.  Yes, kissing one’s wife goodbye in the morning is a wonderful thing, but at the expense of cutting oneself off from G-d? And if a wife hands her husband a glass by mistake, she needn’t fall into a bout of depression and guilt, as you write, rather her regret over the unintentional action brings immediate forgiveness, and her mistake is not something that brings about the transference of her Niddah at all. So neither you nor your wife should be alarmed or uptight over moments of forgetful behavior.

Certainly, at the beginning of a marriage, the times of separation seem like forever. But they come to strengthen the emotional and spiritual bonds between a man and his wife, and elevate their relationship over the transitory passions of our physical yearnings. Try talking to some husbands who have been married for several years. I am sure that they will tell you that keeping the laws of Niddah have enhanced their marriages and deepened their love for their wives, keeping the love between them ever refreshed and renewed. Chances are they will tell you that these times of sexual separation brought them closer together and preserved the purity and excitement of being newlyweds all through their lives.  

Waters of Renewal

A basic guide to the laws of Taharat HaMishpachah can be found at milknhoney.co.il

Happy Tu B'Av!         

Leader of the Jews

“I don’t have to be the leader of the Jews,” Moshe pleaded with G-d. “I don’t have to be their president, or rabbi, or king. Strip me of all of my standing and honor. Turn me into a lowly ant if You want to, but just let me enter the Land.”

Anything - Just to Enter the Land

This Shabbat, we are about to read the Torah portion of “Va’etchanan.” The numerical value of the Hebrew word “Va’etchanan” is 515. From this, our Sages teach that Moshe beseeched G-d with 515 supplications, begging Him again and again to let him enter the Land of Israel with the rest of the Jews. Moshe beseeched G-d in every possible manner and way – crying, imploring, arguing, debating, badgering, conjoling, appealing, entreating, demanding, praying, nagging to enter the Holy Land. This was his life goal. This was his dream. This was his life’s aspiration.
If Moshe were alive today living in Toronto or Monsey, would he give a call to Nefesh B’Nefesh, or would he say, “I won’t buy a ticket until Mashiach comes.”?

Ever since G-d first appeared to Moshe at the Burning Bush, it was Moshe’s mission in life to bring the Jews to Eretz Yisrael, as G-d tells him: “I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of Egypt, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and large Land, to a Land flowing with milk and honey” (Shemot, 3:8).

Today any Jew can purchase an airline ticket and be in Israel in a matter of hours. There are even organizations that will pay for the airfare. If Moshe were alive today living in Toronto or Monsey, would he give a call to Nefesh B’Nefesh, or would he say, “I won’t buy a ticket until Mashiach comes.”? Or would he say, “I love Eretz Yisrael but as long as the government is corrupt, I’m not coming.”?  Or would he say, “As long as the secular Jews violate the Shabbos, I am staying in Monsey.”??????

Of course he wouldn’t. Moshe would be the first on the plane. Why? Because he understood that G-d wants the Jewish People to live in Israel. How did he know? Because G-d says it over and over again. Let’s take a quick look at this week’s portion:

“Now hearken, O Yisrael, to the statutes and to the judgments, which I teach you to do them, that you may live and go in and possess the Land which the L-rd G-d of your fathers gives you” (Devarim, 4:1).

“….That you should act according in the Land” (Devarim, 4:5).

“….That you might do them in the Land” (Devarim, 4:14).

“….But you shall go over and possess the good Land” (Devarim, 4:22).

“….That thou might prolong thy days upon the Land which the L-rd thy G-d gives thee forever” (Devarim, 4:40).

“Honor thy father and thy mother…that thy days may be prolonged  and that it may go well with thee in the Land which the L-rd thy G-d gives thee” (Devarim, 5:16).

“….That thou may do them in the Land which I gave them to possess: (Devarim, 5:30).

“….That you might do them in the Land” (Devarim, 6:1).

“….That you may increase mightily in the Land that flows with milk and honey” (Devarim, 6:3).

“….into the Land which he swore to your fathers” (Devarim, 6:10).

“….go in and possess the good Land which He swore to give your forefathers” (Devarim, 6:18).

“….And He brought us out from there that He might bring us in and give us the Land which He swore to our fathers” (Devarim, 6:24).

“….when the L-rd thy G-d bring shall bring thee to the Land” (Devarim, 7:1).

Certainly, it is not easy to begin a new life in Israel. Not every Jew can simply pack up his belongings and hop on a plane. There are people who have to take care of elderly parents. There are others who would have trouble supporting large families. For others, the change of culture would be an insurmountable challenge. Many people have real reasons why they simply can’t come. But no one can claim that it isn’t a mitzvah. None of us today is wiser or holier than Moshe. Not coming to Israel was the greatest tragedy and sorrow of his life. We should all feel that way too.        

Where are the Rest of the Diaspora’s Jews?

First, a big yasher koach to the Nefesh B’Nefesh organization for its wonderful work in helping Jews make aliyah to Israel. In addition to helping people carry out the supreme mitzvah of living In the Land of Israel, which our Sages say is equal in weight to all the commandments in the Torah, they are raising the spirit of the nation. Who doesn’t get teary-eyed seeing hundreds of new olim happily descend down the ramp way of El Al jets to begin a new life in Israel? May Hashem grant all of the newcomers success and everlasting joy in their exalted religious endeavor.
I am not a mathematician, but any statistician will tell you that with the low Jewish birthrate and with the steady rise in assimilation, Diaspora Jewry is on a drastic decline.

Having stated our unreserved praise for these brave, idealistic olim and the assistance that Nefesh B’Nefesh provides, we have to ask – where are the rest of the Diaspora’s Jews?

I have never been much of a mathematician, but I punched a few numbers into my calculator and came out with an eye-opening figure. To make the calculation simple, let’s say that 3000 Jews are making aliyah this year from North America. Out of the 5 million Jews still living there, that comes to .006 percent.

Those jumbo El Al jets look really big, and they are really impressive rolling down the runway toward a welcoming crowd waving a sea of blue and white Israeli flags. The pictures and publicity are great. But wait a minute! Where are the rest of the North Anerican Jews? 

Stranded in Outer Space

If the NASA space program succeeded in returning only .006 percent of its astronauts from outer space, you could be sure a lot of heads would roll. And if a hospital reported that only .006 percent of surgery patients survived their operations, the hospital’s director would soon be out of work. Or if only .006 percent of students graduated from a certain college, the Dean would be out of a job.

The point is that something is very wrong with Jewish education in North America if only .006 of its Jews are making aliyah per year. Why are we waving flags? Instead, we should be crying.

As we mentioned in a recent blog, the goal of Judaism if for the Jewish People to live a life of Torah in Eretz Yisrael. It is through this national sanctification of Hashem that the light of G-d is brought into the world and His Kingship is established over all of the earth, as the verse says, “From Zion will go forth Torah, and the word of G-d from Jerusalem.”

In his book, “Orot,” Rabbi Kook writes: “The concept of Judaism in the Diaspora will only find true strength through the depth of its involvement in Eretz Yisrael. Only through its longing for Eretz Yisrael will Diaspora Judaism consistently receive its inherent qualities. The yearning for Salvation gives the Judaism of the Diaspora its power of stamina; whereas the Judaism of Eretz Yisrael is the Salvation itself" (Orot, 1:1. To read the full essay, click here). 

This means that the goal of Jewish education in the exile must not be the strengthening of Jewish life in the exile, but rather strengthening the Jew’s connection to Eretz Yisrael. The goal of Jewish education in the exile must be to increase the yearning to be saved from the exile, not to prolong it. The goal of Jewish education in the Diaspora must be to yearn for Salvation, which means salvation from the Diaspora itself. What is this Salvation? Rabbi Kook tells us – the Judaism of Eretz Yisrael.  

The reason that the aliyah rate from North America is a dismal .006 percent is because the Jewish education there fosters the strengthening of Judaism in America and Canada. In a past blog, I already gave two clear examples of this, which I will repeat here.

Once, when visiting my parents in Florida before they moved to Israel, I noticed a flyer on the bulletin board of the local Orthodox shul. Its headline invited the congregation to come on a trip with the rabbi to “our nation’s capital.” The photograph on the flyer was the Capitol Building in Washington D.C., and not Jerusalem. Since when, I wondered, had Washington become the capital of the Jewish People?

On another occasion, I had to be in Toronto to raise funds for a yeshiva. While I was waiting to speak in one of the large Orthodox synagogues, I glanced at the weekly Jewish journal. On the front page was a photo of the Toronto landmark skyscraper that looks like a needle. The caption read: “Looking Forward to the Next Decade of Jewish Life in Toronto.”

"If I Forget Thee O Toronto"

I was startled. After all, a Jew is supposed to yearn for the next decade of Jewish life in Jerusalem. This is what we pray for three times a day. And, “Next Year in Jerusalem” is what we all say at the conclusion of the Passover Seder and our Yom Kippur prayers. Are we supposed to mean it, or are we just mouthing the words? 

At the risk of upsetting the whole of establishment Jewry, a word about “Birthright,” the program that brings Jewish college students on a free visit to Israel to strengthen their feelings of Jewish identity. Certainly there are many praiseworthy things that can be said about this endeavor. Nonetheless, let me point out a matter that coincides with what we have been saying. The youthful participants in the Birthright program are not brought to Judea and Samaria during their tours. This is something that the United States Department of State considers a travel risk, causing insurance companies to balk. Now if the organizers of this program adhere to what the State Department advises in order to show that they are faithful Americans, and thus bypass visiting Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in Hevron, why should any of these young people embrace their Jewishness as their first and foremost identity? If they are full-fledged, faithful Americans, then it follows that it is perfectly OK to marry fellow Americans, even if they aren’t Jews. After all, what’s the difference? Americans are Americans, and all Americans are equal, whether they be Eskimos, Afro-Americans, Catholics, or Jews.

The point is that without educating these kids that the Land of Israel is not just a cool place to visit, but rather their true homeland as Jews, in the long run, after the ten-day fix fades away, their identity as Americans is sure to win out in the end.

As long as Jewish education in the Diaspora emphasizes the strengthening of Jewish life and Jewish identity in the Diaspora, it is bound to fail. It is education toward extinction. Whether through assimilation or persecution, the future of Diaspora Judaism is doomed. Jewish educators in the Diaspora have to stop sticking their heads in the sand and face this reality.  Education that strives to build Jewish life in galut is blind to the future.

Blind to the Future

As I said, I am not a mathematician, but any statistician will tell you that with the low Jewish birthrate and with the steady rise in assimilation, Diaspora Jewry is on a drastic decline. In thirty years, fifty years, one hundred years, it is destined to disappear. This is how it should be. This is a good thing. The exile is not meant to last forever. This is what we yearn for in our prayers:

“Sound the great shofar for our freedom (from the Diaspora) and lift up the banner to bring our exiles together (in Israel) and assemble us together from the four corners of the earth to our Land. Blessed art Thou, O L-rd, who gathers the dispersed of Thy people Israel (to the Land of Israel).”

Amen.