How You Can Help Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu

The best way to help the Torah giant, Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu, in his battle for life this moment at the Shaare Tzedek Hospital in Jerusalem, is to pray and study Torah on his behalf (HaRav Mordechai Tzemach ben Mazal). You can do this by studying the seven chapters dealing with the laws of marital relations from his book, “Darkei Taharah,” which we have translated on our jewishsexuality.com website.

Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu

The book, “Darkei Taharah,” which means “The Ways of Purity,” is a definitive and concise guide to the subject of Family Purity (Taharat HaMishpachah). For years, the book has been used to prepare brides and grooms for their wedding and the sacred ways of married life. These laws are the foundation of the Jewish Nation, and the Jewish family. Their observance has a direct influence on the health, happiness, and prosperity of the family, and on the physical and spiritual wellbeing of the children.

In addition to helping the Jewish Nation via his book, Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu has guided countless Jewish couples in private meetings over the last several decades. We first went to him for advice when my wife needed a break between babies. When he heard our request for a temporary hiatus, he frowned and glanced up toward the ceiling of his office in serious concentration, as if waiting to receive a fax from Above. The grave seriousness of his expression made me realize how profound was the holiness surrounding marital relations, and the importance of every soul to the building of Am Yisrael.

After several moments of deep reflection, he gave his consent in a clear, no-nonsense manner, and told us exactly what to do, adding that we should return to consult with him again in another six months.

While some people scoff at my postings dealing with this subject, the silent majority indeed click on the links, some 600 people a day, and read a total of 3000 pages, demonstrating that the wise of mind and heart gladly take advantage of these translations.    

So to help Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu – pray, study, and whatever change for the better that you can make in your lives after studying his teachings will add more weight to the scale of merit in his behalf, and accompany him, please G-d, to a complete and speedy recover.

Laws of Marital Relations Part 2

The month of Elul, which began today, is the time most suited to t’shuva (repentance). It is a period of Divine favor, because it was at this time that Moshe went up Mount Sinai to receive the second Tablets of Law, after the sin of the Golden Calf.

The forty days that Moshe was on the mountain, beseeching G-d to forgive the Jewish People, includes the 30 days of Elul and the first 10 days of the month of Tishrei, which are known as the Ten Days of Repentance. This period of intense t’shuva climaxes on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, when forgiveness was granted.

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov teaches that the dominant theme of the month of Elul is “Tikun HaBrit” – the rectification of sexual sins, known as blemishes to the Covenant:

"For the forgiveness that Moshe won for the Jews was actually over transgressions to the Brit (the Covenant), for the sin of the Golden Calf was over sexual misconduct, as our Sages have taught us - the Jewish People only worshiped idols to provide an excuse for publicly engaging in sexual licentiousness. (Sanhedrin 63A; Rashi, Shemot, 32:6). This rectification of the Brit made this day, the Day of Atonement for all generations."

To help people in their t’shuva, and to give husbands and wives a chance to review the many laws dealing with marital relations, we are continuing to translate Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu’s codification of these laws. Readers are recommended to read over these chapters, which are the foundation of the Covenant between Hashem and the Jewish People.

Those who are interested in learning the deep secrets of Elul can find an essay on the theme on our jewishsexuality.com website. Included is a powerful prayer of rectification written by Rabbi Nachman’s foremost student, Rabbi Natan.

For everyone else, here is a partial checklist of transgressions to the Covenant to remind people of things we can all too easily forget during the course of the year:   

Thou shall not look at pornographic sites on the Internet.

Thou shall not have a computer at home without a filter.

Thou shall not engage in sexual fantasies.

Thou shall not stray after your hearts and your eyes which lead you astray.

Thou shall not masturbate.

Thou shall not engage in pre-marital sex.

Thou shall not hug or kiss a woman whom you are not married to (except for your mother).

Thou shall not have sexual relations with a non-Jew.

Thou shall not engage in oral sex.

Thou shall not engage in homosexuality.

Thou shall not commit adultery.

Thou shall not covet another’s man’s wife.

Thou shall not think about another woman when having relations with your wife.

Thou shall not have marital relations with your wife (nor touch her) during her Niddah (menstruation period).

Thou shall not have marital relations in the daytime.

Thou shall not have marital relations by candlelight, moonlight, electric light, and the like.

Thou shall not have marital relations uncovered.

Thou shall not spill semen in vain – even when engaging in marital relations.

Thou shall not have marital relations in unnatural positions, other than what is known as the missionary position.

Thou shall not have marital relations using a method of contraception without first consulting an Orthodox rabbi.

Thou shall please one’s wife before pleasing oneself.

This is only a partial list. For a detailed review of the topic, please check out the link to Rabbi Eliahu’s compilation of the laws.

Chodesh tov!

Talkbackers - The Time for Repentance Has Come !

The month of Elul, the time most suited for repentance, is just a few days away. To get in the mood, here’s a little story that just happened.

When I first came to Israel, I had a friend, let’s call him Moshe, who was also exploring the world of Orthodox Judaism. But instead of having faith in the Torah, and in the Rabbis who were teaching him, he would always play a game of intellectual ping-pong, finding loopholes and doubts in every explanation he heard. I remember telling him at the time that he should flush his arrogance and ego down the toilet, along with all of his pseudo knowledge of the world, and open himself up to the wisdom of our Sages, but Moshe just couldn’t take the leap. He ended up leaving Israel, convinced that he was rejecting all of the imperfections he found in the religion and in the country, when in reality the Land was vomiting him out.

Back in America, giving up all ritual observance, the poor guy met one misfortune after the next, with his marriage, with his children, with his work. Then after almost 25 years, he began to have second thoughts, and began reading Arutz 7 and taking peeks at this blog and others. One day, not long ago, he wrote me, saying he was coming back to Israel for a short trip.

This Shabbat, he spent some time at our house, and filled me in on the sad events that had dominated his life since abandoning the Land. When he mentioned that he hadn’t put on tefillin in 25 years, I suggested he have his tefillin checked out, since tefillin should be checked every seven years, and I related some mystical, but true, stories about how a person’s behavior and transgressions affected their tefillin and caused blemishes in the letters of the parchments.

Time to check your tefillin!

I told him where he could have his tefillin checked, and yesterday morning he took them to the place I recommended. Sure enough, a word was missing in a parchment on the tefillin of the arm, making the tefillin not kosher. The missing word was in the verse, “you shouldn’t have chametz.” It blew him away.

This morning, he called me still dizzy from the revelation.

“Amazing!” he said. “It’s amazing. Chametz represents arrogance and pride, and that’s exactly what I have.  I know it. My heart is full of arrogance. Until now, I’ve been closed to believe what other people were trying to teach me about Judaism and to take their advice when I was here in Israel. For the first time, I feel that Hashem is really there, looking at me, one-on-one, giving me another chance to get my act together.”

With Elul a few days away, it’s a good time for everyone to check their tefillin –especially some of our more cacophonous talkbackers who are so arrogantly sure that they are right in their asinine opinions (like it's better to live amongst the obamanations in foreign lands than to live in Israel). I guarantee you, some of you are in for real surprises!