Obama's Outpost

by Tamar Yonah

I am an obstacle to peace. At least that is what Barack Obama thinks. I am what he calls, a 'settler'. It is because of me and my family and neighbors that there is no peace in the world. After all, we are sending our kids to school to get educations to better themselves and the world. We are living our daily lives, farming the land and turning the desert to green. What a crime! At the same time, look what the Arabs are doing today. The Arabs who came in as occupiers of our land, hate Jews, lose wars they waged against us, and then blame us for all their ills. They support terrorism, harbor terrorists and run a totally corrupt government both in Gaza and the Samarian region. They burn American flags in the streets and hand out candy to strangers when Americans are killed in terror attacks. And Obama comes to this region and says that the Arabs have suffered under us and that it is intolerable?

Aren't there more appropriate issues for this U.S. president to focus on? Hmmm, North Korea has the bomb, Iran wants to get it to use against Israel and the West, and Obama, oops, I mean Osama, is threatening another terror attack on America, bigger than the 9-11 attack ...but I, a Jewish re-settler in my own homeland am the obstacle to peace?

President Obama stated in his 'A New Beginning' speech in Cairo: "The United States does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlements." He also stated his desire to see a carved up Israel in order to make way for a Palestinian Arab Moslem state.

There are many reactions one can make to this type of anti-Semitic, apartheid agenda of his, but here's one creative way of responding to this evil decree from the Obama administration, and I thought that I would report on it for you...

Young Jewish 'settlers' are answering Obama's call for the dismantling of Jewish outposts and settlements, by naming new ones after him. So now in what Obama deems a horrible illegal outpost, he has a new building that has popped up like a mushroom named especially after him.

The logic of this, according to the YESHA youth is that with Obama's efforts to prevent building in our national and Biblical homeland, it gives our people even more motiviation to double their efforts to build. And since this new surge of motivation was due to Obama's evil decree, they want to acknowledge him with naming an outpost after him. By the way, can you imagine the headlines if Israeli security forces came and bulldozed down 'Obama's outpost'.

And so, I thought, why not help our youth with re-naming other out posts in acknowledgment of the other key players wanting to oust Jews from their land. How about Hillarly Hill? Or Mount Mitchell for George Mitchell? Or maybe even an Oslo Outpost or a 'Road map ranch'?

Seeing bulldozers sent by the Israeli government by order of the U.S. president to destroy and flatten these places would be a riot to watch on CNN, BBC and other International News channels.

"And now for the CNN news headlines: Israeli forces have bulldozed down and destroyed Obama's Outpost and Hillarly Hill today. Tomorrow they are set to destroy the Roadmap Ranch and Oslo Outpost. It is reported that hundreds of Israeli youth are gathering to defend the area, and there could be violence from security forces on these settler protestors if they don't abandon the outpost. More details to follow as they come in. And now to sports..."

Maybe some of you more creative readers can come up with some good ideas for the re-settler youth?

Star Drek: A New Beginning

by Tamar Yonah

Kirk: "Sulu, warp speed ahead to planet Cairos."

Sulu:  "Yes, captain."

Kirk:  "Bones, ever since I was nominated to represent the Federation, I've been feeling strange.  And the closer we get to Cairos, the stranger I feel.  Give me something to keep me functioning until after I give my speech.  It's going to be beamed on all the major space channels and I can't afford any mistakes if I want to ever make admiral.  Oh, and tell Uhura to make sure that a teleprompter is available." 

McCoy:  "My G-d Jim!  You do look odd.  You're your hair is starting to kink and your skin has turned a shade darker.  My tricorder is indicating electromagnetic light pulses, circling above your head like a halo.  I'm not sure what you have, but I'm going to inject you with this plasmatic stabilizer, and I am going to keep my eye on you!"

Kirk: "Thanks Bones. I want you, Spock and Chekov to beam down with me to Cairos." 

Kirk opens his communicator:  "Scotty, four to beam down to Planet Cairos. "

At the conference:

The top heads and Elite of the Romulan and Klingon nations are present for Captain Kirk's Federation speech. 

Klingon King, Mukhbarak Abdallah:  (says in 'Klingon')  "Tak urk mang ik batrokuch juh, Kapton Kirk!"

translated: “Welcome to the Middle Eastornian Galaxey, Captain Quirk.”

"DoQh RIch ghaH!" - May the force be with you.”

Kirk lifts an eyebrow and mutters under his breath, “Wrong movie.”  Then bows low to the King and states: “It is  my honor your Majesty.”

Bones seeing Kirk bow, becomes incensed.  “My G-d Jim, did I just see you bow to that king kong of a klingon?

Kirk stammers, “Wha? No.  Uh, I saw a Romulan quarter on the floor and just bent down to pick it up.  Ahem…”  Kirk looked uneasy and then turned his attention to the King. 

Klingon King Mukhbarak Abdulla, grunts,  "Follow me to the Podium.” 

Chekov  looks around at the opulence, which was done in gold high-tech, and says to Spock, “I ahm getink a head-ache with all dese gold shining in may eyes .  I need ah drink, but ah can't seem to find my peersonal flask I kip on me.  Dunt dese peepel haf any Saturnian vodka to offer visitors?" 

Spock:  "That would not be logical.  Klingons do not drink earthly spirits.”

Chekov:  “Primitive,  Ach!”

Kirk is escorted to the podium where he madly searches for the teleprompter.  Spotting it, he begins by puffing out his chest as he looks at all the space creatures in the auditorium.  Then, all of a sudden ignoring the teleprompter, he starts a NEW speech.

Skaalan! I am honored to be here and be hosted by two remarkable species: The Romulans and the Klingons.  I come here in the name of the Federation, in a type of re-conciliation,  A 'New beginning' between the United Planets of the Federation, and our Romulan and Klingon brothers.  This cycle of suspicion and discord between our Peoples must end.  Although Federation ships and planets have been attacked, and even destroyed by Romu/Klingon forces, we must find a way to end these 'misunderstandings'. And I consider it part of my responsibility as representative of the United Planets of the Federation, to fight against negative stereotypes we have against you.  I know that you are really peace loving people.  As the holy Klingon Prophet Morph-amed - peace be upon him - said, 'Crush the humanoid Earthlings until they scream from pain and agony, and bow at the feet of the Klingon, then there will be peace.'

I understand that what it really means is that one must be pressed like an olive, to get the oil.  This is actually a good thing, and we must not view this and other phrases from the 'Holy Klingran' as acts of aggression, but as acts of goodness to bring out the best in us….."

Bones who can't believe what he is hearing, says to Spock and Chekov, "My G-d! Something has taken over the captain!  I can't believe he is saying what he is saying, and he actually believes it!"

Spock:  "Yes, Fascinating.

Chekov:  "Iyeh need ah drink. Ach!"

Kirk continues:  I understand that you have issues with our home base Earth.  I think that the Earthlings need to understand that you also have rights on earth, since you once attacked it and occupied it for a period of time. In fact, If you actually took the number of Klingon Earthlings, Earth would  be one of the largest Klingon planets in the world.  The Klingons there are not going anywhere, and so they must have a base there as well.  We humans and other species in the Federation, will make sure that our newest re-built cities and towns on Earth, will be destroyed and handed over to you  -in the name of peace.   Our presence in places you once conquered is intolerable, and we recognize your suffering.  If we just try to understand and respect each other, reject these misconceptions we have of each other, and instead choose to offer opportunities to a better financial future for you so you can experience 'prosperity', I believe we can achieve, two bases, living side by side in peace and security. 

We will say this in public, not just behind closed doors ….   As the Holy Klingran states, ' those believers who do not believe in everything the Klingran states will be humiliated.'  My friends, my brothers, I am humbled and don't mind being humiliated, because the members of the Federation believe in peace, and will die trying to achieve it.  This is how committed we are.  Peace be upon you, hamdillala urk vocht tak dul-eforganchik."

With that, Kirk pulls out a flask from his pouch and takes a long swig of vodka.  Chekov seeing this says, "Captahn, I tink dat is my flask of Vudkah!" 

"Hands off comrade Chekov.  There are other people who grew up without vodka.  I believe in taking what others don't have, from people who do have, and spreading it around a bit."   

Chekov murmers, "It was better in mother Russia."

Turning around Kirk offers McCoy a swig and says, "Bones, why can't you cook me up some more of this devil's brew in your lab?"

Bones:  My G-d Kirk! I'm a  doctor, not a distiller!

Kirk turns to Spock: "Spock, I'm feeling good.  I feel like I can change the universe.  Yes I can!  I am, Spock, what they call, the new Messiah."

Spock: "Illogical Captain. My tricorder is indicating that you are still human. Just delusional".

McCoy: "That's it!  Eureka! The Captain is suffering from the 'Messiah Syndrome'!  We have to get back to the ship where I have some anti-Messianic serum.

A Klingon crowd gathers around the Federation crew, angry that they are drinking on their planet.  Several Klingons pull out long  jagged knives and inch towards them growling, '"Kill the infidel humanoids!". 

Kirk pulls out his communicator.  "Scotty, four to beam up.  Now!"

Scotty:  "Cap'n, the dylithium chrystals  'ave been stoolen by some Klingon thieves and I don have enou'f power to beam yuh all up.  It will take me aht least 3 days to find ah quakular pulsamic neuro-solvin to substitute for a power source."

Kirk:  "Scotty, you have 30 seconds…"

Scotty:  I'll see wha' I kin doo Cap'n, but you cut the budget for 'defense and supply enterprises' and all went bank-roopt!"

Kirk:  "Scotty, beam us up now, or your fired and I'll have my czar take over your department, demote you, and then raise your space taxes."

Scotty:  "Ye, Cap'n.  I unde'stand!"

Scotty fuses some wires together in a MacGyver sort of way and then stands erect, closes his eyes and as he drags up the transporter levers, says, "THREE to beam up to the Enterprise…. An'  one delusional Capn' to beam to Planet Earth… THE KLINGON SIDE of it."

Burn Out

by Tamar Yonah

Many of you have been wondering why I have not posted in the last 3 weeks.  I have 'burn out'.  I haven't taken a real vacation in years, and well, I am just kaput. It's day in, day out, and I need to re-charge my batteries.  I know this, because the world is spiraling to disaster, and frankly, I just don't really care at the moment.  Yawn.  For those of you who do care, and I hope I will care soon when I get my wits about me again, here is a post I received from a rabbi who works with Binyamin Golden, an autistic young man whom many believe can communicate through FC (facilitated communication). I am posting the message below here, you can agree or disagree.  Heck, I agree, and disagree.  In any case, I will be interviewing Rabbi Sachs who is helping to disseminate Golden's 'peak into the other world', on my show this Sunday.  Enjoy, or put your head between your legs and kiss your tuchus goodbye.  For me, unless I get some quiet forest or beach time for myself to re-charge, well, I hardly care at all.  So I will be toast soon.  So what.  I'm tired.

[Amos 9:10]

A MESSAGE FROM BINAYMIN GOLDEN, AN AUTISTIC MAN    

Binyamin:
I want to speak to my beloved nation, Am Yisrael. Everyone can see the growing dangers, especially in regard to Jews people, although the whole world is now in danger. Nature is in a bad state and the climate has had drastic changes recently. There have also been large-scale natural disasters, frightening events such as the melting ice in the North and South poles and a large part of the world is in danger of terrible drought. The world is heading for a Third World War, which precedes the final war of the world – Gog Umagog [See Yechezkel 38]. In that war two-thirds of the world will disappear [see Zechariah 13:8], may Hashem have mercy. This is why the whole world is now feeling fear, both goyim and Jews alike. Everyone is beginning to finally see the truth. The financial situation, which is worsening with time, is also putting everyone in a state of fear. People are starting to realize that all the formulas, all the various institutions throughout the world that they were once able to rely upon as a source of income are suddenly falling apart.

FALSEHOOD IS DISINTEGRATING
One by one, everything that people used to rely upon economically has started falling [banks, insurance, etc.]. This will continue until at last there will be no other source of sustenance other than our Father in Heaven. And now the Jews are hated throughout the world. Anti Semitism is continuously rising in many countries and a lot of Jews are afraid to look like Jews. There are countries where the anti-Semitism is openly flaunted. Yet, with all the troubles that the world is experiencing, there are still Jews who think they will regain their precious American dream; a world of restaurants, entertainment, shopping malls, vacations, Pesach in the Alps or Pesach by the Pyramids, or Pesach at the Dead Sea, and so on. Back then the money was flowing and almost every Jew in the Western world was living a relatively high-class lifestyle. Even the ‘poor’ people could eat out and own cars. However now that everything is falling apart, we, Jews and Goyim, are in a situation where the poor people are really poor and barely managing to make ends meet and fill their basic needs. Even the wealthy people are afraid to spend their money. In any case, as we have said before, soon their money will be worthless.

TRUTH IS BEING REVEALED
This whole situation is happening because Hashem wants to bring us all, the Jews in particular but also the gentiles, to the recognition that there is none other to rely upon aside from our Father in Heaven, because everything in the world is from Hakadosh Baruch Hu [as we say in the prayer “aleinu”: “all the people throughout the world will recognize and know that every knee will kneel before You etc.”]. This is the main point of the message Hashem wants to give over to Am Yisrael and to the entire world. This is why Hakadosh Baruch Hu [G-d] is bringing us to a situation where we will have to directly ask Him for every single thing we need and He will give it to us directly. The world is completing its final rectifications and it is no simple matter. We have been in the world for thousands of years, from the time of Adam and Chava until now, and unfortunately the world has progressed very little. Adam and Chava’s first sins were the same sins which still cause us the most problems today: lashon hara [slander] and lack of modesty. The fall of mankind on the sixth day of creation was because of these two sins. The snake told Chava lashon Hara about Hakadosh Baruch Hu, may Hashem have mercy. Then he convinced her that she could supposedly be like Hashem if she would just eat from the fruit of the tree. Then all she had to do was convince her husband to do the same.

THE CAUSE OF OUR SINS
But what was the snake’s real objective? He wanted her; he simply wanted Chava for himself. Those two sins, the lack of modest behavior and not guarding one’s tongue are still causing us problems today. What causes these sins? Pride, and the desire to fulfill our passions; in other words, the “olam hazeh” [materialism, the vanities of this world]. Not the spiritual world, rather the materialistic world. The root of all our problems is the Golden Calf. Many times throughout history were we given the chance to rectify our sins and we did not. Now is our last opportunity to rectify those two central sins and many other secondary sins. However in order to accomplish this, we must separate ourselves from olam hazeh, from the Golden Calf.

THE CAUSE OF OUR QUARRELS
There is another big problem caused by the Golden Calf and that is dispute [quarreling]. Lately, our people have been suffering greatly due to machlokes [arguments, quarreling]. With all the shmiras halashon that people are learning, machlokes is working over time between the various Jewish communities and sectors; between Sefaradim and Ashkenazim, etc. and even amongst the various Chassidic communities and the various Litvish communities. The situation is terrible and we have reached a point where shalom [peace] is rare to find. Moreover, due to all the gashmius, some groups are afraid that other groups will deprive them of their parnassah and that is a most horrific situation. All the Jews, secular and religious [and the non-Jews even more], suffer from too much lashon hara and disputes. Dispute, dispute and more disputes - and everything is supposedly leShem Shamayim [for the Sake of Heaven]. Yet in reality almost none of this is really leShem Shamayim. Even though the people involved support their actions protesting “spiritual causes”, usually everything is really about money, prestige, etc. All these disputes going on between the various Jewish groups are truly heartbreaking; even amongst different Chassidusses, within yeshivas etc.; terrible, just terrible.

THE EGEL RUINS TORAH
Another problem with this generation is that much of our Torah learning is based upon olam hazeh and not leShem Shamayim. That is why Hakadosh Baruch Hu is destroying the Egel Hazahav [Golden Calf] and all the money flowing into the Yeshivas. This will reveal who is really acting leShem Shamayim. Who indeed will sit and learn Torah in the Yeshiva even if it means he must now go and get a job? Who will take a Gemara with him to sit and learn with even though he has no Kollel paying him to learn, or a wife who works in an office together with men and wears a long ‘custom’ wig and tight clothes, making good money to pay for his learning? However, the learning of such a person is not worth very much. Not only is it not worth much, but also the prosecuting angels in Heaven are using this against him and against all of Am Yisrael. However Hashem is now going to reveal to everyone who is really learning leShem Shamayim.

FALSE “YIDDISHKEIT”
All of the gashmius in our lives causes the Jew to go away from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And the more modern Jews - which really means that they are less careful about keeping the mitzvos properly - in most cases these Jews are farther from Hashem and closer to the Egel Hazahav. Not only are they going away from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, they are actually creating their own version of Yiddishkeit - just as the Jews did in the desert. They created a Golden Calf and thought that by doing so they were being loyal to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Thus we have created a new version of Yiddishkeit – as the Jews created the Golden Calf in the desert. And we are praying to it [our “Golden Calf”] and think that we are really praying to Hashem. This is what is going on and even good Jews are becoming confused between what is right and what is wrong, between sheker and emes. This is the state of Yiddishkeit today. It is the “Yiddishkeit” of America, England, Europe and all over the world. But this is not true Yiddishkeit. In America, the so-called “Yiddishkeit” is mainly based upon the pleasures of the olam hazeh, on materialistic convenience. Even though there is a lot of chessed as well, unfortunately a lot of the chessed is based upon business and profits.

DESTRUCTION OF SPIRITUALITY
The Americans usually want the “good” and easy life and to have fun all day long. The same generally applies to Europe. However, I am speaking only of the Charedi Jews because the rest of the Jews don’t even come close to the emes [truth], and in most cases the truth is of no interest to them. The Charedim in Europe are considered to be more conservative with their lifestyles yet over the last few years the gashmius has begun to overflow there as well and is pulling a lot of the Charedim to the Egel Hazahav. They too are enjoying all the gashmius like the Charedi Jews in America. In each country it takes on a different shape but in the end it is still the Egel Hazahav and it is destroying every thing spiritual in life. Am Yisrael, we are right before The End. You want eternal life? Then you must throw away every connection to the olam hazeh. The only way to do that is to accept with humility the Yoke of Heaven. This is the final tikkun [rectification] for this generation.

OUR FINAL DECISION
Whoever does not complete this tikkun, chas veshalom, whoever does not lower his head and accept everything we are given form Hakadosh Baruch Hu, every blow, every difficult thing He gives us, without question, and does not cry out to Heaven: “Hashem is the Lord, Hashem is the lord, Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem echad” will disappear from this world - as well as from the Olam Haba, lo aleinu. Whoever does say this with all of his heart and truly accepts the Yoke of Heaven, he will gain eternal life [olam haba] and greet Moshiach Tzidkanu, bezras Hashem. Whoever does not – there is no hope for him. Hashem himself will obliterate all of the evildoers from this world and from the World To Come, lo alenu, just as He did in Egypt during the three days of darkness. Decide what you want!

http://www.torahnews.org