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21 Nissan 5768, 4/26/2008
Tikkun Readers Aging Dramaticallyby Steven Plaut
Malcolm X Lax
 Tikkun magazine is the hippy-dippy magazine for fossilized 60s “dudes,” edited by Michael Lerner, creator of the “Politics of Meaning” back in the early days of the Clintons. Below, another satisfied practitioner of the Politics of Meaning:  Lerner is a “Rabbi” in precisely the same sense that Ward Churchill is an Indian or that I am a ballerina, and I am not a ballerina. Lerner is not ordained by any Rabbinic seminary. He was basically proclaimed a “Rabbi” by three other people, each of whom might or might not have been Jewish himself, who put their hands on Mikey’s head and said, “Domini Domini youse be a Rabboy.” This has never stopped Mikey from representing himself as a Rabbi, an Orthodox one to boot. Now it has occurred to me that many of the members of the editorial board of Tikkun magazine, not to mention most of its readership, must be pushing 70 years old or more. Think about that! Well I have, and I think that there are a number of fine business opportunities, selling products to the geriatric hippies and menopausal Marxists of this fine magazine. I am now looking for some partners to go in with me in these ventures, developing products to sell to the Tikkun readership, advertising in the magazine. Anyone with some idle capital, give me a buzz. (No, not buzz in the way Lerner means it.) Here are the projects I have thought of so far: 1. A book of recipes for preparing hashish brownies laced with Metamucil, just the thing to keep you a regular revolutionary. They will also be sold at the new progressive bistro we will open, to be called Chez Che. 2. Bob Dylan bunion cream, so that you will not need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. 3. Macrobiotic Grey Poupon, to be passed back and forth from designer VW vans of psychedelic yuppies, and Oh The Colors The Colors. 4. Jerry Garcia Geratol Tablets. 5. Ho Chi Minh Hernia Halters. 6. Huey Newton Shuffleboard Set. 7. Jimi Hendrix Hearing Aid, with special microcassette that plays The Wind Cries Dentures. 8. Special Revolutionary Remake VCR tape of Leave it To Beaver, with a progressive Cleaver family. In this new special tape, Ward and June drop out, turn on, and then go to Cuba to cut cane in the Venceremos Brigade with their boys, Beaver, Wally and Eldridge. 9. Malcolm X Lax. 10. Preparation Ho. (Short for Preparation Ho Chi Minh) This is the perfect treatment for progressives and hippies at the ends of their trails to reduce painful swelling and itching at the ends of their trails. For those whose Mekong Delta is backed up, see previous product. 11. Bumper stickers and progressive lapel buttons that say: “Flower and Flatulence Power”.  Above, Tikkun Havdala Spice Box Meanwhile from Sioux City, Iowa, Pants Productions brings you live from the Ed Sullivan Theater: The Late Show, with Dave Letterman. Top Ten List: Tonight, Dave brings you the ten recent feature articles appearing in Tikkun magazine: 1. Why Jews need to replace Shabbat Torah readings with recital of lyrics from the early Dylan records.
2. Planting trees for peace in North Korea.
3. Why Jews should show solidarity with life forms on Vulcan.
4. Why smoking dope on shabbas should be not only permitted but mandatory.
5. Why dolphins should be allowed to be ordained as Rabbis.
6. What to order when you take an African-American militant to lunch.
7. The pros and cons of bathing for progressives.
8. Jewish symbolism in the film “Easy Rider”.
9. How to hide psychedelic drugs in tefillin boxes so’s the pigs don’t catch you with your stash.
10. Why the Yom Kippur services should be conducted only in Ebonics.
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18 Nissan 5768, 4/23/2008
This Year Make Your Passover Seder a Multi-Galactic Oneby Steven Plaut
Rabbis John, Paul, George and Ringo, the four greatest sages
Important Passover Message from Mikey Lerner and the Entire Staff of Tikkun Magazine, the Jewish New Age pro-LSD Magazine:
A few years back, Tikkun's Rabbi Arthur Woodstock issued a call to make it a multicultural Passover Seder that year: in other words, a mix of Judaism and PC paganism.
Rabbi Woodstock, above Well, this year Tikkun magazine has issued a new call for all Jews: You all should make yours a Multi-Galactic Seder!!!! Yes, this is the year to invite assorted beings from other planets to your spacy politically-correct Seder, to prove your devotion to multi-galactic understanding and stamping out speciesism along with SUVs. The guests will join in and participate in the many traditional Tikkunesque Passover traditions. First, the Seder begins with the washing of the hands, or, in the case of visitors from Vulcan, the tentacles. Then the guests dine on lamb's legs made from vegan tofu. The Seder ends with the munching of traditional holiday Tikkun macaroons, made out of matzos flour and hashish. Served on recyclable dinner bowls. Now to help make your Tikkun Passover multi-galactic Seder complete, "Rabbis" Arthur Woodstock and Michael of Meaning have rewritten the Passover song "Who knows One?" Here is how the new version will go: Who knows One? I know One!
One is the greatest rabbi of all time, the Rebbe Jerry Garcia, Shlita. Who knows Two? I know Two!
Two is Rabbi Cheech and Rabbi Chong, who seem to write most of the articles for Tikkun magazine. (Alternative version - Two is Two States for Two Peoples: the Jordanian "people" and the Palestinian "people.") Who knows Three? I know Three!
Three is the number of square meters Israel should be left with after adopting policies advocated by Tikkun. Who knows Four? I know Four!
Four is the greatest sages of Torah learning of all time, according to Tikkun: Rabbis John, Paul, George and Ringo. Who knows Five? I know Five!
Five is the five genders officially proclaimed by Hillary (back when Lerner was her temporary guru of Meaning) at the International Wymmyn's Conference in Beijing, fully endorsed by Tikkun. Who knows Six? I know Six!
Six is the SIX-TIES, my Heavy Tikkun Dude! Who knows Seven? I know Seven!
Seven is the seven basic nutritional groups required to make you a happy and healthy progressive, namely: cannabis, marijuana, hashish, pot, weed, grass, and dope. Who knows Eight? I know Eight!
Eight is the number of people who really read Tikkun magazine. Who knows nine? I know nine!
Nine is the number of people on earth who actually regard Mikey Lerner as a rabbi. Who knows ten? I know ten!
Ten is the median IQ score for Tikkun readers. Who knows eleven? I know eleven!
Eleven is the number of the Eleventh Commandment: "Thou Shalt Be Trendy!" Who knows twelve? I know twelve!
Twelve is the number of times Michael Lerner can say "loving and caring" in one minute (the fewest number of times, that is). Who knows thirteen? I know thirteen!
Thirteen is the number of sentences from the entire Bible that Tikkun editors have actually read. Michael of Meaning, Rabbi Moonbeam, above
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15 Nissan 5768, 4/20/2008
The Oslo Dayenu by Steven Plaut
Oslo put the "die" back in "Dayenu!"
 When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Arafat would pursue peace. But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Hamas would be more of a threat to the PLO than to Israel.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Arafat would fight the Hamas and Islamic Jihad "with no Supreme Court or 'Betselem'" (in Rabin's immortal words).
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that terrorism would decrease.
But they were wrong. When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that hostility to Jews in the Arab and the Western media would decrease. But they were wrong. When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that trade between Israel and Arab countries would flourish.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Palestinian Authority would be disarmed.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the PLO would cooperate strategically with the Israel Defense Forces.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that there would be an economic peace dividend.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Israeli Arabs would demonstrate increasing moderation due to the "peace process".
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Hamas and Jihad would be persecuted and suppressed by the PLO.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that PLO arms would never again be used against Jews.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the PLO leadership would speak in terms of peace with the Jews.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the PLO would denounce and renounce anti-Semitism.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the PLO would encourage normalization and daily peaceful commerce between Arabs and Jews.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Palestinian Authority would be forced to spend all its energies on resolving domestic social and economic problems.
But they were ever so wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Palestinian Authority would have so many internal troubles that it would not have the time or ability to pursue confrontation with Israel.
G-d, but they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the US would back Israel if the PLO reneged on its obligations or displayed duplicity.
What a joke, they were so wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the US would cease to pressure Israel to endanger its security and fundamental interests.
But they were mega-wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Europeans would rush forward to support Israel.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Japanese and Saudis would pour money into regional investments, including into Israel.
But they were surprised to find that they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Egyptians would end all animosity towards Israel, Zionism and Jews.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the non-Arab Moslem countries would gush friendship for Israel.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Arab military expenditure would drop significantly.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Arab verbal threats against Israel would end.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Nazi-like propaganda in Arab countries would end.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Israeli Left would lead the retreat from the Oslo experiment it if proved to be not working.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the Palestinian Authority would never behave as a tin cup Third-World kleptocracy if granted power.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Jews remaining in Moslem countries would see their treatment dramatically improved.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that liberals and leftists around the world would congratulate Israel for taking risks for peace and rush forward with goodwill and support.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that the majority of Palestinians would denounce all violence and terror.
But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Israeli Arabs would exhibit moderation and increasing loyalty to the state of Israel. But they were wrong.
When they forced Israel to commit Oslo, the Israeli politicians assured us that Palestinian chants of "Death to the Jews" and "Massacre the Jews" would end.
But they were wrong.
Dayenu. Oslo put the "die" back in "Dayenu!" Any one of these errors in judgment should have been enough to end the career of a politician in a normal country, possibly even enough to indict that politician and imprison him or her. But in Israel? The politicians prepare for negotiations on the Saudi Plan and prepare for new unilateral withdrawals from Judea and Samaria.
Dayenu. |
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6 Nissan 5768, 4/11/2008
Jihad Theatrics at Taxpayer Expenseby Steven Plaut
And what the Left forgot to Mention about him
Caution: Terrorhoid at Cameri Theater!! In his weekly column, the deputy editor of Maariv, Ben Dror Yemini, took on the "Cameri Theater" this past week. The Cameri is largely financed by taxpayers with grants, only a small share of its wampum coming from sales of tickets. It is currently staging a propaganda play called "Return to Haifa," written by a Palestinian terrorist, and of course celebrating the need for a Palestinian "right of return." The author of this great work of literature was Ghassan Kanafani, a terrorist assassinated by Israel in Lebanon in 1972. He was spokescritter for the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine back when it was active in hijacking planes. In 1972 Israeli agents blew his car up in Beirut, dispatching Kanafani to his virgins in retaliation for the attack on Lod airport by Japanese terrorists a few hours before I was supposed to land there. This is conveniently overlooked by the honchos at Cameri. One irony though; in the 1960s Kanafani wrote several essays blaming the Arabs for the "Palestinian refugee" problem because Arab leaders had order them to flee the newly created Israel in 1948. In the book " The Land of the Sad Oranges" (ard al-burtuqal al-hazin), written in Arabic in 1963 by PFLP Spokesman Ghassan Kanafani, father of Marwan Kanafani, one of today's PLO terrorists spokesmen, writes about such radio broadcasts, and about the resentment that his father had against the Arab leaders and against his own brother for having convinced him to leave Haifa with his family for Lebanon, so that the Arab armed forces could "cleanse Palestne" by exterminating the Jews there. You will not hear any of the bleeding hearts or the Tenured Traitors mentioning that little inconvenient fact about him. The Cameri is justifying this atrocious use of taxpayer money by claiming that Kanafani was a great literary figure. Like most anti-Israel propagandists, the Cameri Theater is the recipient of an Israel Prize, granted by the Israeli government. You could send their director Noam Semel a cyber-moon at info@cameri.co.il or fax 972-3-6060950, and tell them why you will never spend a shekel on Cameri tickets to anything, or better yet - write the Ministry of Culture at here and tell THEM what you think |
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2 Nissan 5768, 4/7/2008
British Journalist Asks NY Radio Station To Reconsiderby Baruch Gordon
A New York radio station WQXR has refused to air an ad explaining the plight of Jews in Sderot. See the brief news item here: In response, British radio journalist Walter Bingham, who resides in Israel and has frequented Sderot, has launched a letter-writing campaign to the station urging them to reconsider their decision. Write to: listener.mail@wqxr.com Mr. Bingham's letter to the station appears below: Dear Mr. Batunek, As a radio journalist with 58 years experience, (yes I’m 84 years old and still presenting my own programme,) I am extremely disappointed to learn, that you have judged the advertising spot requested by the American Jewish Committee to be misleading and its content open to challenge. I have visited the Sderot area several times and can assure you that the rockets are indeed falling unpredicted and without provocation at any time during the day or night, and that the description of 15 seconds warning is absolutely accurate, as the distance between the two locations is no more than 1 to 1 ½ miles. The government of Israel has for years now been extremely patient, and while the rockets are aimed at the civilian population, any action in response, has been meticulous to avoid civilian casualties among Palestinians, and exclusively aimed at the perpetrators of such attacks. I greatly doubt if the ‘reasonable people’ to whom you refer are troubled by the absence of any comment about the occasional defensive action by the Israeli military, in the light of the volume of missiles fired at Sderot and neighbouring populated areas, on one day recently 22 and on another some 40. It is important for journalists to be able to place themselves into the shoes of their subject or interviewee, to be able to report fairly, and I invite you therefore to imagine your feelings, when your small children or grandchildren are at school or even at play in your garden under those circumstances. In the light of this, I feel that it would be right to re-examine the facts that led you to your decision. I really would appreciate your considered reply, and send you My most friendly fraternal greetings. Walter Bingham M.M. MA(lond)
Chartered Institute of Journalists U.K.
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