The Large Hadron Collider and Theology

Not every day the media take more interest in God than in Angelina Jolie!!
All day long the media have been talking about the launching of that cool proton smasher machine, the Large Hadron Collider. The media keep referring to it as a machine that can find the "God Particle," and as a device that can reveal God's designs of the universe.

Costing 9 billion clams, it supposedly will show how God put together the early universe, proclaim the media moghuls. It is not every day that the media take more interest in God than in Angelina Jolie.

Now all this talk about how the machine will supposedly somehow reveal things about God that are new got me to thinking. I did some snooping and I discovered something amazing!

No sooner was the LHC device plugged in and the ignition switch turned than a lot of fire and smoke emerged from it and then out of that was heard this exotic voice, which made the following pronouncements. So as you see, the machine is already delivering on its theological expectations. The Voice declared:

1. Don't recycle, it just wastes resources.

2. Palestinians are a "people" a bit like OJ Simpson was innocent.

3. Single-payer health systems don't work.

4. Scientology is not a religion. Neither is Reconstructionism.

5. Never take seriously anything a Hollywood actor says about anything.

6. Belief in Marxism is a form of mental illness.

7. Conspiracy nuts will all rot in hell.

8. Impossible things generally do not happen. Inevitable things generally do happen.

9. There is no such thing as a male in a female's body or vice versa.

10. I ain't gonna help you win the lottery so don't even ask.

11. Don't blame Me when the S&P drops 20%.

12. If you reward terrorism, you will get more of it.

13. Fat people do not have fat genes.

14. It is not My role in the universe to help you avoid effort or the need to work.

15. People asking you for spare change will not use the money to buy food.

16. There are no Nigerian princes out there waiting to hand you large inheritances through the internet.

17.  You can't study for a blood test.

18.  The fact that women have trouble parallel parking is part of the inherent design of the universe. Ditto for men not asking for directions.

19.  Only stupid people believe in astrology.

20.  Michael Lerner is not a rabbi.

21.  Spanking works better than Ritalin.   (Especially on Meretz supporters)

22.  Stop trying to steal credit for it when I decide to make the earth a little warmer.

Current Events Quiz

Lipstick
Quick - what is the difference between Ehud Barak and Yossi Beilin?

Answer:  The Lipstick

Quotes and Notes Corner: Peace Now and Incitement

Our own Hana Levi Julian reported last week, "Peace Now Head Goes to War Over Rabbi's Sabbath Message."  It seems that Peace Now Secretary-General Yariv Oppenheimer plans to submit a petition to the Attorney General asking that charges be filed against Rabbi Yisrael Rosen for "incitement and calls to murder." The rabbi referred to members of Peace Now as "informers," who may well be subject to the death penalty in a Torah-based justice system.

Aside from the issue of free speech, the right to hold forth on theoretical legal issues, and the law of the State of Israel that mandates the death penalty for "actions intended to remove territory from the sovereignty of the State of Israel" - aside from all that, there is the following.

Well-known writer Amos Oz, a founder of Peace Now, wrote that the pro-settlement movement is "a messianic junta, insular and cruel, a bunch of armed gangsters, criminals against humanity, sadists, pogromists and murderers, that exited out from some dark corner of Judaism... from out of cellars of bestiality and defilement... in order to cause a thirsty and insane blood worship to rule." (June 8, 1989, Yediot Aharonot, based on Oz's speech the previous night before a crowd of Peace Now demonstrators in Tel Aviv)

Prof. Zeev Sternhal called for tanks to crush the Jewish town of Ofra as part of a civil war initiated by the anti-settlement forces (in Maariv 1988).

Now, we can't hold Peace Now responsible for Sternhal's mishugas, but another Peace Now veteran, artist Yigal Tumarkin, said of Sternhal's suggestion: "My true contribution would be if I grabbed a sub-machine-gun, instead of a pen and pencil and killed them." (Hadashot, September 28, 1988)

I assume that by "them" Tumarkin was not referring to Sternhal and his supporters.

Then there is prominent Peace Now activist and Meretz party MK Naomi Chazan. At a 1992 convention of the Humanist Judaism Federation, she said: "Only if we succeed to get rid of this terrible bad thing, the taking over of our life by the black devil, can we nurture all that is good in the state."

I assume that by "black devil" she did not mean the black-robed justices of the Supreme Court.

And until Ariel Sharon became a contractor for part of Peace Now's policies, he was called a "murderer" for his role as Defense Minister directing the 1982 Peace for Galilee War in Lebanon.

Far be it from me to whine about name calling (unlike our friends at MEND), but perhaps the latest Peace Now threat to sue is a case of the pot calling the kettle "black devil".

Researched, compiled and presented by Nissan Ratzlav-Katz

PS - Readers are invited and encouraged to add more examples of Peace Now incitement in the talkbacks below.