A Perfect Solution to the Jerusalem Issue - Opinion

Jerusalem is arguably the most difficult issue to solve in the ongoing Israel-Palestinian "peace" process. The Palestinians are demanding control of the holy city, the Temple Mount and the Kotel because they claim it is where Mohamed rose to heaven, which makes it the third holiest site in Islam. Of course, this is a very recent claim and there is nothing about Jerusalem in the Koran. Some people claim that the only reason that the Palestinians want Jerusalem is their continued attempt to delegitimize Judaism's historical claim to Israel.

For Jews, Jerusalem is the holy city, and the Temple Mount is the holiest site in all of Judaism. Not only did the Mount house the two Temples to God, it is where Abraham almost sacrificed Isaac and where Jacob had the dream of the ladder to Heaven. For two thousand years, Jews have prayed for a return to Jerusalem.

Reports that Israel's government is willing to split Jerusalem with the Palestinians and give up sovereignty over the Temple Mount has raised the ire of the Jewish People. Polls have shown that the Israeli people are against it, the majority of the Knesset is against it, protests and petitions have come from groups such as the OU and the ZOA.

Yet, the Palestinians claim that there can be no peace without handing over the holy city. What can Ehud Olmert do to satisfy Israel, the Jewish People, and make peace with the terrorists at the same time?

Thankfully, I have a solution. Not only will it work, but I got the idea from an Iranian, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Remember when he suggested that we move Israel to Alaska? Well, we can do the same thing with Arab East Jerusalem - move it. And I am willing to give the Arabs a lot more options than Ahmadinejad gave the Jews. In fact, I have an entire list of cities that they can pick from to move East Jerusalem to:

Miami Beach, Florida: This one is a no-brainier, their third holiest city for our third holiest city. We will throw in the "early bird" special dinners and access to Miami's holiest site (the Fontainebleau Hotel).

Secaucus, New Jersey: Remember that old song "Raucus in Secaucus"? This site is perfect for them, and the best part of it is that no one in the United States will notice (except maybe New York Jet Fans, but we would be much happier).

London, England: After all, Tony Blair thinks Israel should be more flexible on Jerusalem; let's try and see how flexible the British can be. The good part of the solution is that Mahmoud Abbas' Fatah wouldn't have to set up satellite dishes for communications; they could use Prince Charles' ears.

Vatican City: Lets face it, the Palestinian claim to Catholicism's Holy City is just as valid as their claim to Judaism's. The extra benefit of this solution is that it might help repair the "bad vibes" between the Pope and Islam.

New York City: The "Jewish Lobby" needs a vacation; let's let the Palestinians control the banks and media for a while.

Washington DC: This is probably the best solution of all. Think about it, we give away part of Washington and Condoleezza Rice wont be able to force her dhimmi solutions to the Middle East conflict upon Israel. We know that House Speaker Pelosi would endorse this one; after all, she looked so go with her head covering when she visited Syria.

I know that there will be protests to any of these solutions. Some may say: "How could you make up reasons to take away a city from a people who have an historic attachment, and give it to people who have no real claim to it?"

Well, let me answer those people like this:

I agree.

Opinion	4 Tammuz 5768, July 7, '08