A few days ago, I started writing an essay about a Jewish businessman who fired me from my first job (I was 15 or 16) after he discovered that my father was a "Polish" Jew.
I'll leave it to our rabbis to explain the boundaries of forgiveness.
That was my first brush with in-your-face anti-Semitism and I could have told the complete story, but I remembered that this is the season of our High Holy Days, when it is appropriate, even commanded, that we put all that aside and "forgive." As you can see, I have not forgiven. I remember that incident after all these years and it sticks.
I dropped the article to get with the spirit of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I'll leave it to our rabbis to explain the boundaries of forgiveness, as defined in our Torah and as expressed in our liturgies. Surely, forgiveness has its limits and I assume that the message of the season pertains to our own circle, meaning family, friends, neighbors, workday associates, v'kol Yisrael - at least for starters.
I assume, again, that none of this conciliation extends to our outright enemies, and we know who they are, so there's no need to name names. Besides, that list is too long, from the moment we came on the scene more than 3,000 years ago up to this very instant. For that, we go to our sages, who remind us that "one who is merciful to the wicked will one day be wicked to the merciful."
So, we're back to the people who surround us day-by-day and even here - even here - my heart just won't give. I simply can't get with the program. I'll say the prayers and fill my soul with acquittal and grace and then, days later, I'll cuss out the driver who cut me off at the intersection. (Was it the rabbi?)
On average, I'd say, we all endure five insults a day, from a wedding invitation that excludes us to a snub at the office. We suffer all that and even put it out of our minds, but do we forgive? I think we try, but it doesn't always work. There's hurt all around and we "forgive" only to move on with our lives.
The hurt stays.
A movie producer friend can't forget (or forgive) the studio boss who invited him to lunch and then stood him up at the elevator when someone else came along. That happened 20 years ago. Is this an exception or a rule? I'm saying it's a rule and that it all begins at home. Most families are dysfunctional.
That Jewish police chief in Israel who brags about cracking heads (the heads of yeshiva kids) - he is part of our family. Do we forgive?
I can't.
I can't forgive the entire Gush Katif experience and the Jewish men and women (our family) who brought it about.
Not during Rosh Hashanah and not even during Yom Kippur - not even then can I forgive. My weakness, I guess. Then again, even the most gentle of our sages, the Chofetz Chaim, refused to forgive those hooligans who tormented him when they mistook him for a common beggar.
As Jews, we get slandered every minute of every day. I can't think of any people who take it on the chin as often as we do. We're so used to it that we barely wince when a leader talks about wiping us off the map. So what else is new? Baseless hatred for us is part of nature.
But what about "the family of Israel"?
We barely wince when a leader talks about wiping us off the map.
I can't get it straight even in my own backyard. Some time ago, I phoned the leader of a major Zionist group here in America about helping out upon a particular outrage against Israel. I had counted him as a friend, but he went berserk, saying he didn't have the time and couldn't be bothered. I joked, "Boy, did I get the wrong number!" That's when he went nuts.
So, never mind Jews who hate Jews, of which so much is being written these days. How about Jews who love Jews? Here, too, there are snubs, slights and insults.
Do I forgive? I'm trying. I'm also trying not to mention names. Lashon hora is always right around the corner.
We're taught that our Torah never demands anything beyond our means. But forgiveness - that is a tough one.
Jack Engelhard's latest novel, The Bathsheba Deadline, predicted the Hamas takeover, the kidnappings of journalists and more over the course of two years and 12 installments on Amazon.com! Part 12 of this serialized novel, the first published by Amazon, can be accessed here. Haven't started reading it yet? Click the link and scroll down - all previous installments are there and ready to be downloaded.