How to survive Oscars 2017

Last year, they warned us about global warming. This year, will there be a Special Award for most original insult against President Donald Trump? Spare us.

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Jack Engelhard,

Jack Engelhard
Jack Engelhard
צילום: מתוך האתר האישי

So this is our big night at the movies, the Oscars, and to prove how out of touch I’ve become, I have seen not a single movie that’s up for an Academy Award. Zero.

I am not proud of this, nor of the fact that even if you hung me by my fingernails I could not tell you who won last year for Best Picture or for Best Anything.

Last year, of course, a man named Barack Hussein Obama sat in the White House, so all was well in La La Land. I don’t remember any of the acceptance speeches. Certainly there was nothing said against Obama who was acting as President for Beverly Hills and Park Avenue, nothing more.
Movie people still don’t know that we love them when they say their lines but that we cannot stand them when they go off script.  
Good casting was how they figured it last year in Hollywood.

Bad casting? That’s this year. Donald Trump sits in the White House and Hollywood has yet to warm up to him and never will. Movie people still don’t know that we love them when they say their lines but that we cannot stand them when they go off script.  

Last year, now that I recall, the theme was Global Warming. Yes, now I remember, and it was Leonardo DiCaprio who warned that we must to pay attention to the weather, since there is nothing more important, except for “the Palestinians,” who usually get mentioned as the most important people anywhere around the world.

Yes, attention must be paid to the weather and to the Palestinians – or else there’s going to be trouble.

Just this once, though, can we do without the message and the guilt? Can we have a ceremony without a Cause and without blaming Trump for EVERYTHING?

I ask this on behalf of the American people. Please bring it down a notch. We need a break. I request this for just the four hours that it takes to complete the entire Ceremony, which we would like to enjoy for the sake of the artistry and the plunging necklines.

While we’re at it – how about a moratorium from you Islamic terrorists out there; I mean four hours without an attack somewhere would be appreciated.

An evening of peace is all we ask so that we can sit back and complain. It’s usually the wrong movie or the wrong performer who wins.

Why any actor would want the Oscar is a good question. There is something called “the Oscar curse.” Careers have been ruined after that one night of glory.

But Oscar Night is still a time when the nation gets together as one. It’s tradition. This is our big chance to worry about nothing more serious than the Big Feud between actor Matt Damon and host Jimmy Fallon or is it Jimmy Kimmel. I think it’s Jimmy Kimmel.

You haven’t heard? You didn’t know? Yes, major feud. Who did what to whom? We don’t know. Do we care? Yes, there are people who care.

That is nothing like the feud between Betty Davis and Joan Crawford. But then, nothing is the same.

Back then we had MOVIE STARS and they kept to the mystic. The Studios made sure of that and Clark Gable or Elizabeth Taylor would never get political. We had weather back then too but no warming. There were no “Palestinians” back then to worry about so we didn’t worry. Mostly they were Extras.

Oh wait. That Vanessa Redgrave thing. But that came later. Suddenly, though, we have so many Vanessa Redgraves.

Haven’t heard from her for some time. But so many have taken her place so far as forgetting what it’s all about…starting with Meryl Streep at the Golden Globes.

On Sunday, will there be a Special Award for most original insult against President Donald Trump?

Listen. We do not want your politics.

Shut up and act. Spare us your Cause of the month and forget making the world a better place. It’s too late for that. Make better Pictures.

New York-based bestselling American novelist Jack Engelhard writes a regular column for Arutz Sheva. New from the novelist: “News Anchor Sweetheart,” a novelist’s version of Fox News and Megyn Kelly. Engelhard is the author of the international bestseller “Indecent Proposal.” For books like his award-winning memoir “Escape from Mount Moriah,” he is the recipient of the Ben Hecht Award for Literary Excellence. Website: www.jackengelhard.com








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