Finding blessing in suffering
Finding blessing in suffering
Translated by Yaakov Tzemach

Dr. Rachel Remen, a pioneer of integrative medicine in the United States, has cared for many patients with severe illness. She, herself, has lived with chronic illness since she was a young girl. Her experiences in the medical world from both sides have given her deep insight into the human psyche. As doctor she discovered that the challenge opf coping with the physical elements of disease pales in comparison to the emotional struggle of the patient. The challenge of the medical provider is not just to care for the physical ailments, but also to be sensitive to the emotional struggles of the patient -- the fear of death and the difficulty of coping with limitations and loss.

Dr. Remen has come to integrate the spiritual teachings of her grandfather, a Kabbalist who passed away when she was just seven years old, with her own insights into the human psyche based on her experience in medicine. In her book, “My Grandfather’s Blessing,” she that life, with all its pain, is a blessing. This lesson she learns from the following story in Parshat Vayishlach:      

And Yaakov (Jacob) remained alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. And he saw that he was not able to [overcome] him and he hit his hip and Yaakov’s thighp was dislocated, as he wrestled with him. And he said: “Send me off for dawn has broken,” and [Yaakov] said: “I will not send you off unless you bless me.” (Bereishit 32:25-27)

 

Yaakov wrestled with a man, who later is revealed to be an angel of God. Yaakov was severely injured in the struggle and, as a result, his descendants refrain from eating sciatic nerve to this day (ibid 32:31-32). Ultimately, Yaakov overcame the angel and at the conclusion of the fight he unpredictably requests from him a blessing.

The message of the story according to Remen, is that even in those places we have most been hurt, we seek to discover the blessings of life.

We see a similar idea in Bereishit Rabbah. The midrash says that for every blade of grass there is an angel that strikes it and says “sprout and grow” (Bereishit Rabbah Parsha 10:6). Sometimes striking leads to growth, as the angel in charge of plant growth strikes them and blesses them at the very same time.

Yaakov-Yisroel: Man of Struggle

The story of Yaakov and the angel sheds new light on Yaakov’s character. At first glance, it would seem that Eisav (Esau), the man of the field who lives by his sword (Bereishit 27:40), is the strong one on the family, whereas Yaakov, the “simple man [that] sits in tents” (ibid 25:27), is passive and weak, the “mama’s boy” (ibid 25:28).

The story of this struggle, however, paints an entirely different picture. In the previous parsha we saw a story that demonstrated Yaakov’s physical strength when, upon his arrival in Haran, he rolled the giant stone off the opening of the well, an act that usually required the joint effort of all the local shepherds (ibid 32:8-10). In fighting the angel, however, he revealed in himself his unique ability to struggle with and overcome metaphysical obstacles.

Fittingly, following the struggle with the angel, Yaakov receives a new name that signifies this newfound ability: “And [the angel] said, ‘Your name will no long be called Yaakov, rather Yisroel, for you have contended with God and man and you are able’” (ibid 32:19). The special ability mentioned is not just physical power, but the power of will and spirit.

The truth is that his original name, “Yaakov,” which he earned for an act that he managed to perform before even leaving the womb, also signifies a character entangled in conflict, in that case an attempt to attain beyond his given portion: “And afterwards his brother came out and his hand grasping Eisav’s ankle, and he called his name Yaakov” (ibid 25:26).

Both of Yaakov’s names hint at his life story, a life of struggle. It seems as if the deck is always stacked against Yaakov, and he must always fight to overcome adversity. Since he was born second, he had to buy the b’chora (the birthright of the firstborn) and because his father favored Eisav, he had to take the brocha (blessing) with trickery. Because of this, he had to run away from his home to Haran, not to return until twenty years had passed. In Haran he also had to struggle  - working fourteen years for Rochel and six more to support his family,

“These twenty years… by day the drought consumed me and ice by night and sleep fled from my eyes. These twenty years, in your house I served you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flock and you changed my wages ten times” (ibid 31:38,40-41). When he finally returns to Canaan, Eretz K’naan, he learns that, more than twenty years later, his brother’s murderous rage never ceased and he is confronted by Eisav marching towards him with 400 men.

Despite all, Yaakov manages not only to survive but to beget twelve sons from whom descend the twelve tribes of Israel. But his success comes at a heavy cost; his personal life was full of pain. ”Few and bad were the days of my life” (ibid 47:9). And his deepest yearning -- “Yaakov wanted to settle in tranquility” (Rashi, Bereishit 37:2) -- was never actualized.

Eisav -- The Here and Now    

Eisav’s story, on the other hand, is just the opposite. Everything comes easily to him. Besides being the firstborn (and thus entitled to the birthright), he was his father’s favorite and was set to receive the blessings, brochot. He was good-looking (the description “edomi” is indicative of beauty throughout Tanach), and unlike Yaakov, who was alone, Eisav was charismatic with inborn leadership qualities and 400 followers.

Alas, what comes easily is easily lost. He was the firstborn through no effort of his own and he sold the birthright for a bowl of lentils. In the end, Eisav is left with no blessing and no birthright. When he had the birthright, he disparaged it (Bereishit 25:34), and only upon losing it did he appreciate its value. Only losing the blessing brought him to shout “an exceedingly great and bitter exclamation” and cry (ibid 27:34,38). Even in the end, when Yaakov and Eisav can no longer live together due to the combined mass wealth they had accumulated, Eisav concedes and leaves Eretz K’naan (ibid 36:6-8).

In terms of “Doing” and “Being,” changing the face of reality versus accepting it, it would seem that the man of the field would be the man of action and the he who sits in tents would be connected to being. A careful reading of the Torah, however, indicates just the opposite; Yaakov constantly challenges the status quo and changes the face of reality, whereas Eisav is a passive character who allow others to determine his destiny.

The tale of these two brothers is hard and bitter. Yaakov ultimately succeeds, but at great personal costs, while Eisav leaves Eretz K’naan without blessing or birthright. There is, however, a continuation to the Yaakov and Eisav saga. In the coming parshiot we will see that it is, in fact, possible to integrate the two personalities.

What Comes Easily to Rochel

The brothers Yaakov and Eisav have counterparts in the two sisters, Rochel and Leah. They grew up together with parallel differences in personality as those between Yaakov and Eisav., but things came easily to Rochel, just as they did to Eisav,

Rochel was the pretty sister, the apple of Yaakov’s eye, and destined to be his wife. As biblical critic Robert Alter noted, the very first quote we see from Rochel is reminiscent of Eisav’s words: Rochel said “Bring forth for me children, if not I am dead” (Bereishit 30:1), whereas Eisav famously said, “‘Pour for me from the red stuff’… and Eisav said ‘here I am going to die’” (Bereishit 25:30,32).

On the other hand, Leah, like Yaakov, struggles with reality. On the wedding night she disguises herself as Rochel to steal the marriage, just as Yaakov disguised himself as Eisav to steal the brocha; just as Eisav sold Yaakov the birthright for a bowl of lentils, Rochel “sold” her alone time with Yaakov for mandrakes (ibid 30:15) and, according to Rashi (ad loc.), this is the reason that Rochel did not merit to be buried next to Yaakov.

Love is of high importance to both Yaakov and Leah. Leah wanted to be loved and Yaakov was loving. Love is never mentioned in regard to Eisav or Rochel. Spouses do not need to possess similar qualities to each other to succeed in their relationship; rather, they must complement each other. According to the midrash, Leah was supposed to marry Eisav and Rochel was to marry Yaakov (Tanchuma Vayetzei 12).  The idea is that each would complement their counterpart.

Yisroel: You Have Contended with Man and God

The new name that Yaakov receives from the angel is carried on by us, his children, until this very day. As they say, “The apple does not fall far from the tree,” and the Jews, Am Yisroel live a story that follows the patterns of Yaakov’s life. There is the Chinese curse --  “You should lead an interesting life” -- that has always been the case  for Am Yisroel.

Throughout the 2000-year exile, Am Yisroel has been forced time and time again to fight for our right to exist in the spirit of our beliefs and heritage, and only the great aberrations of history have allowed us to enjoy peace and quiet. Here we are, finally returning to our land, and, like Yaakov, we too have discovered that the constant threats know no end. Moreover, despite all the beatings we have taken throughout history, we have not disappeared. Just the opposite, we have created extensive spirituality, lots of life, love and happiness.